Tell or keep it quiet?

[ben]

fight for what you believe in

[Narnat,]

I think you need to respect her and do as she asks. It would be different if this happened like last weekend. She has to live with it.. isn't that enough? rather than making her live through it again to get something done about it?

[..ValOwnsYou..]

I think you need to respect her and do as she asks. It would be different if this happened like last weekend. She has to live with it.. isn't that enough? rather than making her live through it again to get something done about it?

I totally agree with this. I think you should trust her. But if it happens again, its obvious that she wanted it. Drunk or not, it was her choice.

[Jordy]

Personally I think she's probably just saying that to get rid of some of the guilt and set the rumour straight. Let's face it, it's probably been spread round and most girl's reputations would be damaged by this tbh so they'd say anything to try shrug it off (Possibly why she's so opposed to you going to you the police etc).

You need to get to grips with things going wrong when they're drunk, people regretting things and others taking advantage of drunk people. Most people regret something whilst drunk, it's an all too common aspect of drinking which you can't change. And people will always take advantage of drunk people, yes it's rather low but it [i]will[i] be done whether your 15 at house parties or older at clubs. There's nothing illegal about it though, some people just have low morals I guess. It's also their fault somewhat as it was their choice to get drunk, they must deal with the consequences.

[kuzkasate]

Do not go to the police yourself, it will definately be and end between you two, the best thing you could do, is talk her round to it. Make HER go to the police, persuade her, so then its her choice and see will see that you actually care and want to do something, but I imagine its gonna be quite a long time before she finally has the guts to go to the police, but if these lads aren't going to be stopped now, it could lead to worse things when they grow up, even rape.

[ChickenFaces]

Why tear open old wounds? The chances of her getting the police involved and actually getting these three guys convicted is slim to none in her case. It's been way too long since it's happened and there is simply not much evidence to prove that she did 'want it' or not. That's the thing that happens in rape cases. The conviction ultimately comes from whether or not she did or didn't want it. And how can someone prove that? You can't. It's near impossible. Especially when the biggest factor-- alcohol comes into the mix. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but in reality it's better to let sleeping dogs lie and live with it.

[beth]

yr a mug. she's a ****.

[blackops121]

Okay, thanks to those who replied to actually help.

I'm still really unsure what to do, but if i'm honest I agree that I doubt anything will happen to the people if I do manage to persuade her to go to the police, I could bring it up now and then and see what she says, but I think she'll just end up crying again or something, and I don't see a point in as someone said, Tearing open the wound, so i'll just.. I'll just try forget about it and let it lie if she definitely doesn't want to go to the police about it.

Although to the people who think she is a **** and wanted it, she isn't. I'm sure it was just because she was drunk and didn't think it through properly, if she wanted it then she wouldn't have tried to run away, and she wouldn't cry about it and stuff. I'm sure of it, I know her.
But I could be wrong.

[Catzsy]

Okay, thanks to those who replied to actually help.

I'm still really unsure what to do, but if i'm honest I agree that I doubt anything will happen to the people if I do manage to persuade her to go to the police, I could bring it up now and then and see what she says, but I think she'll just end up crying again or something, and I don't see a point in as someone said, Tearing open the wound, so i'll just.. I'll just try forget about it and let it lie if she definitely doesn't want to go to the police about it.

Although to the people who think she is a **** and wanted it, she isn't. I'm sure it was just because she was drunk and didn't think it through properly, if she wanted it then she wouldn't have tried to run away, and she wouldn't cry about it and stuff. I'm sure of it, I know her.
But I could be wrong.

If she reported it to the police it would get taken very seriously. I am guessing she knows their names at least. If she doesn't want to go to the police then I suggest she at least talks it through with a professional counsellor. What they did was despicable and against the law. It sounds like they acted like a bunch of animals to me and the fact she was drinking does not excuse that behaviour and what she has to bear in mind that if it happened to her and they got away with it it us very likely it will happen to somebody else. Has she confided in her parents? There is a support line here.
http://www.supportline.org.uk/proble...al-assault.php

[blackops121]

Well she does know them, she just doesn't talk to them because of what happened, so i'm sure if she went to the police something could be done quite easily, as she also told me that she thinks there was another girl there aswell that was made to do things, but she didn't know who the girl was.

She hasn't told anyone else except for me, She told me she wasn't even wanting to tell anyone about it, she only told me because I had said something to her that upset her, and when I asked why it had upset her she told me what had happened, and she was drunk when she told me too.

Also, Thanks for that support line Catszy, but the thing is I'm not sure she is willing to tell anyone, she feels really humiliated by it all, and I'm trying to persuade her to do something about it, but she just gets really sad and annoyed when I bring it up, do you know what I should say to her to make her feel more comfortable with perhaps going to the police? or even talking to an help line?