Privacy from Parents

[IzzyUhh]

I don't have much privacy and everything I do is questioned, like who is that you're adding on facebook, who are you talking to on skype call? It's ridiculous but I guess I'm used to it

[buttons]

i had too much privacy. i could go anywhere, go out with anyone, do what i want and she wouldn't even know cause she was never there. i wish i had a mum who asked what i'm up to, what's going on in my life and all that cause maybe i'd have had someone to talk about stuff to.
i think in future i will prob be a worrier mum and be a bit nosy

[Sharon]

when i was in year 9 i was speaking to a boy in year 11 and he sent me sexual messages on fb and i wasn't replying back sexually however my mum happened to see them on my phone after taking it off me one time, snooping obv and had a go at me for them on how bad i was behaving lol and banned me speaking to him... didn't work tbh even though looking back now i am thinking what a CREEP he was constantly asking for pictures

nowadays they give me the freedom to do what i want, my phone is passworded anyway and i only actually text tom and delete most of my other conversations so there's nothing to actually see. they don't care as long as i'm being safe. i never really went out when i was younger so there was no worry and the few timesi went out with boys i would just say friends and they wouldn't think to question me. i always say where it is i'm going because it's only ever shopping etc. and with the same few people n sister

i would be super pissed off if my mum went through any of my things now because i would take it as she's doubting me and thinks i'm up to something when in reality she could just ask and it's very likely i would tell her

[Inseriousity.]

I think it's about trust really. If you can trust your kid to be street smart about things then you can give them the space they need. If you can't, you have to keep an eye on them. The conflict only happens when a parent doesn't see their kid is smart and head-strong or the kid thinks they're capable. I've always had my privacy but my dad also snooped in on everything my sister said. They'd have arguments all the time because he'd take something she said to someone out of context (like a wink is flirting when it wasn't, small things like that). It doesn't really help build relationships and trust. I think you need to set boundaries, say what they are, punish when they go out of line and keep reinforcing those boundaries but I don't think you need to snoop on every online conversation to do that.

[Empired]

I think it's about trust really. If you can trust your kid to be street smart about things then you can give them the space they need. If you can't, you have to keep an eye on them. The conflict only happens when a parent doesn't see their kid is smart and head-strong or the kid thinks they're capable. I've always had my privacy but my dad also snooped in on everything my sister said. They'd have arguments all the time because he'd take something she said to someone out of context (like a wink is flirting when it wasn't, small things like that). It doesn't really help build relationships and trust. I think you need to set boundaries, say what they are, punish when they go out of line and keep reinforcing those boundaries but I don't think you need to snoop on every online conversation to do that.

But misuse of trust often just leads to cycles like:
You find out one time your kid lied to you about where they where going (might have just been they went on somewhere afterwards and forgot to tell you or something)
You force them to tell you where they're going every time afterwards
Because they're a teen, they deliberately start lying to you BECAUSE you're making them tell you, meaning you can trust them even less and might have to start banning them from going out/seeing certain people (hey which everyone knows doesn't work).

It's so tricky to call. If I caught my kid lying to me there would be immediate sanctions. So if I found they'd stolen something they'd be made to return it (or if that's impossible the item is taken away), if they were lying to me I'd take away their phone for a bit. But I don't think long-term punishments like making your child tell you where they are every time/grounding them for a month does ANYTHING because they'll start to feel like you're over-punishing them or punishing them even after they've "done their time".

I can think of an example when my cousin got his bike stolen because he forgot to use the lock. His dad went insane and banned him from going on a school Art trip in 3 months' time. When it got to the time of the trip, his dad basically had to say to him "no you can't go. Remember that thing you did three months ago? That's why". And that seems so dumb to me.

[Inseriousity.]

But I never said that
I agree with you. I would personally, with your example, just take their phone for a bit. If they did so again, increase the time each time they disobeyed.

[Empired]

But I never said that
I agree with you. I would personally, with your example, just take their phone for a bit. If they did so again, increase the time each time they disobeyed.

Well yeah that was a lame example but a phone might be really important to that teenager. I've never been obsessed with my phone like the media makes all teenagers out to be but I still don't like my mum to take it because I know she tries to rifle through it.

I think being made to give the item back/pay for the item if a child steals something is a perfect punishment because there's a small amount of shame behind the punishment and hopefully it would deter them from ever wanting to go through that again, therefore not stealing.
If they're caught lying there are often bigger emotional problems behind it if they're a repeat offender. I'd want to get that sorted but they'd also need a punishment for lying as well. So I'd say no TV/no drama club/you're grounded for a week. Then the next time, don't extend the punishments but add more of them. So no TV AND you're grounded for a week.

[Inseriousity.]

no drama club lmaooo you got camp son stereotype sorted lololol
Could do it that way but if it happens a lot you're gonna have to find a lot of things they like to ban them from haha.

[-:Undertaker:-]

If the child is a little horror then I understand parents snooping (and they have every right as parents) but not really if the kid is a good'un.

[OldLoveSong]

My mom read my diary when i was 12 ever since then shes always been tryin to snoop on all my stuff lol. If i go to bathroom n leave fb up on conputer she will like scroll thru my stuff :sss