Story- 'Bullying' Chapter 1

[Toes]

More please

[Colourful™]

The grammer is wrong. In the first sentence you should have a comma, then a full-stop. Not 2 commas, it sounds weird. It is also very strange that a random boy comes up to her on his own and punches her in the face for no reason. Maybe verbal abuse and pushing would be better, and you need capital letters at the start of ALL names and places. You should write it out, and re-draft it line by line. Doing that will get it top-notch.
4/10

[allykin]

thnx for the erm suport >;l erm there lyk year 5 and i had a mobile in year 3, and they bully her becus of her dad so they like do it for fun.
This is chapter 3:

All emma knew was that they were using katie and soon later ditch her, and try and get me to hate her and she would want me back. But all i knew was that the only way to get her back was to steal the cctv tape from the office, as theres a camera in the hallway and i could steal it and show her what they really are!
As Emma was at home sitting on her bed, she was waiting for time to fly past.
So she watched a film called MEANGirls, and had plenty ideas from that.
At 1:00am she slowly creeped out her bed, down the staircase, unlocked the door and shut quietly, then locked it. She walked in the dark sky to her school, and she smashed the window and realised they didn't put the alarm on so she was lucky. She went into the office and looked through the tapes and found last weeks tape then quickly took it and ran out the door through the office and jumped out the window.
She then saw a police officer standing right infront of her and gulped.

The reason why the alarm didn't go off was because it was a silent alarm and the police got a signal that the alarm was going off.
Find out what happens in chapter 4

[Addie]

:@ I NEED MORE! 1O/10 BUT I NEED MORNESS!

[Embean]

i just think it is rediculous for people that young to have phones they are not responsible enough, i wasnt and i know that.
12 is a responsible age, 9 is just silly and 6 wth???

You do know people can be different you know.
So what you wasn't responsible when you was blooming 10.
That's you're problem, maybe these kids nowdays are more mature, ever thought of that!? jesus christ.

[Colourful™]

The grammer is all wrong which ruins it really. The ending is quite rushed too.

[allykin]

well, im not the best writer im bad at english and im tryin and dont jus say dats rong dis n dat cus i do try kk?
im not like u
I dont write fabulus but i try kk

[RedStratocas]

well, im not the best writer im bad at english and im tryin and dont jus say dats rong dis n dat cus i do try kk?
im not like u
I dont write fabulus but i try kk

If you cant take people critisizing it, then dont write, you cant handle it. Thats all part of writing, you cant change that.

[allykin]

i put dat story on
to lyk show ppl wot i wrote not
'The worst story'
i try my best kk i just want to show ppl what i can do.

[Brody]

reallly good dddddddddddddddddd