Would it be worth my time?

Japan · 02-10-2009, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by iSarcastix

It's nice, but some parts make it sound long winded and couple the first couple of sentences don't make and sense.

Since I badgered you for a bit of your story, I'll post the prologue of mine, just to make us even

. It isn't long so I don't have a problem with posting it.

Just found out the forum doesn't count tabs and spaces at the beginning of a sentence, so you can't really see when a paragraph begins, so I've posted a screenie of it instead:

Sounds suspiciously similar to Harry Potter?

RandomManJay · 02-10-2009, 05:30 PM

Originally Posted by BritishTea

Sounds suspiciously similar to Harry Potter?

If you actually knew the storyline, its nothing like it

. Also just to say I've never read a full book of Harry Potter, read the first page of Philosopher's Stone and it put me to sleep

!

Japan · 02-10-2009, 05:49 PM

It's just that it seems like a school of magic, with the main character sneaking around after dark ignoring whatever his friend says.
Also- I think Kanith Avira said almost exactly the same thing as Hermione did in Harry Potter.
What is the storyline? I'm quite curious

RandomManJay · 02-10-2009, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by BritishTea

It's just that it seems like a school of magic, with the main character sneaking around after dark ignoring whatever his friend says.
Also- I think Kanith Avira said almost exactly the same thing as Hermione did in Harry Potter.
What is the storyline? I'm quite curious

Well the prologue is a few years before the story begins. Jackson is kidnapped and trained in the arts of the Dark Magi, enemies of the Magi, an Order of fighters who follow in the ways of the Masters, a group of 12 people who defended the universe from the Aeons, a race of beings who enslaved the universe long ago. The storyline of the book revolves around the training of Kanith and another character called Rovver who are gifted with traits of the Masters. The book also has a back storyline which is the main storyline of the actual books I'm intending to write. Basically in this book, the leader of the Order is believed to be the leader of the Dark Magi by his former and current students, as a result they follow him around etc. and discover his hidden past that he was once a Dark Magi, but only for spying on the enemy etc. but they think he's actually been corrupted and is now allied with them. In the end they confront him and fight him, only to find that it was all a trail to see if they were capable of fulfilling the title of Arch-Magi, the leaders of the Magi Order. The book ends with the cliffhanger leading to Jackson's training and eventual death in the second book.

Japan · 02-10-2009, 06:29 PM

discover his hidden past that he was once a Dark Magi, but only for spying on the enemy etc. but they think he's actually been corrupted and is now allied with them. In the end they confront him and fight him

Don't want to sound annoying but that's what's going on with Severus Snape in Harry potter.
Anyway, book sounds interesting

RandomManJay · 02-10-2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by BritishTea

Don't want to sound annoying but that's what's going on with Severus Snape in Harry potter.
Anyway, book sounds interesting

Yeah, but it isn't a test on HP is it?

. Also, I'll just say, in the second book you do actually find out the real reason for his past, but unless you actually want to know, I'll just leave it at that.