Depression

[Rozi]

[@]@buttons[/@] , I think the point about correlations is an interesting one. I think there isdefinitelya stronger concentration of people who appear to suffer from a range of mental health issues, ranging from minor ones to major ones. Maybe it's the anonymity or the fact people seem more accepting and open about their issues online, or people with 'depressivetenancies' find the internet to be a supportive base.


But anyway, I wouldn'tnecessarilysay that I amdepressed, but I haveintenselydepressive episodes which can range from like 2 days to 3 months. I also have fairly euphoric periods too (not like manically euphoric i.e. bipolar), but I've found the euphoria either falls just after a long depressed episode or right before a bad one. I think for a long time I was pretty in denial about my depressive tendancies, because I felt guilty for feeling like this, letting it effect my life and guilty for causing pain to my loved ones. I have a deep mistrust of those in the medical profession, which in my eyes is pretty financially driven. I did go and see a therapist for a while when I was like 12/13 as a reaction to me not going to school, but it waswhollyuseless - she didn't listen, was completely patronising and incredibly stupid. I think I've sort of created coping methods now but still it's impossible to remember to use these coping methods unless you catch it at the start of a down-swing. I've learnt to live with it and recognised that it's something I might be lumbered with for life.

[Conspiracy.]

Wow. I'm really inspired by each of you 333 Stay strong everyone 3333333

[Stephen]

Well, the benzodiazepines are specifically for anxiety. Some research I've done even suggests that benzodiazepine class medications can aggravate and encourage schizophrenic tendencies. They helped at the beginning but you get tolerant very quickly and in all truth they are only meant to be taken for a few weeks or a month at maximum. I have a period of two or three years in my life where I can't remember much because of the haze the benzodiazepines put on your brain. It is a lot of lost memories and that kind of makes me sad. It happened to coincide with what I consider the best relationship of my life and it breaks my heart now to know that I lost out on keeping memories from that because of the tablets.

yeah I understand what you mean, it's like remembering a dream. I haven't taken benzos before but I've tried etizolam which is a thienobenzodiazepine. Was trying to use it to help me sleep for a few weeks but then I started using them recreationally and last month I ended up taking 15x the recommended dose, blacking out and waking up almost 24 hours later with my bedroom completely trashed. Glad I wasn't near a door or I might have started staggering around the street naked wth my boxers on my head pissing on all the cars or something

[Empired]

I had depression year 7 - 9.. It all kicked off when I spent 18 weeks in hospital because of a stomach ulcer that was wrongly diagnosed (the doctors diagnosed it as anorexia and put me on some weirdo drugs that sent me mildly insane). Nobody noticed my stomach ulcer until I collapsed and was taken in to hospital after 3 weeks

It was the drugs that depressed me though, and the hospital, aha. I can hardly remember year 7 at all thanks to being so heavily drugged all the time!

[jasey]

yeah I understand what you mean, it's like remembering a dream. I haven't taken benzos before but I've tried etizolam which is a thienobenzodiazepine. Was trying to use it to help me sleep for a few weeks but then I started using them recreationally and last month I ended up taking 15x the recommended dose, blacking out and waking up almost 24 hours later with my bedroom completely trashed. Glad I wasn't near a door or I might have started staggering around the street naked wth my boxers on my head pissing on all the cars or something

Gah, you poor thing! I am so sorry you had to go through that, Stephen. Be careful, please. We care about you.

[Stephen]

Lol I would have thought I'd have been careful seeing as I was rushed to hospital 2 days before that from another overdose. I'm trying to stay away from any kinds of drugs now (except this sertraline im on) so I'll see how long that lasts. Really don't know what's wrong with me I just like to play russian roullete for some reason then last month I hit the bullet

[beth]

probably gonna bang my stuff in a spoiler too so you don't have to read it.

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always overthought everything, parents relationship was volatile, daddy was alcoholic, my mom is a manic depressive (so i'm pretty sure i get traits from her) in my immediate family there have been 6 suicides and i dunno. i feel like a lot of my angst is inherited which sucks.

from the age of about 9 i couldn't sleep and would sit up crying without knowing why i was sad or what made me this way, this kinda got into school as i grew older. had a massively exaggeratedly confident front with people i know and on stage but couldn't deal in social situations, hated any kind of authority and cut myself, massively (lolgreat).

overdosed at 13. was very very sick, spent a long time in hospital and lied to get out and be back with my friends. lied to the child psychatrist at the hospital, had counselling sessions arranged. i purposely missed them or lied to the woman and told her everything was fine, that i loved life and i just wanted to be with my friends.

15/16/17 were hard. but it became my little secret, and i used it to further myself in acting and drama. got kicked out of sixth form, had an abortion, was made homeless and again overdosed. this time it wasn't as big a deal as i was older and after 2 nights in hospital i was released with a psych assessment and came home and lived in hell for the next six months.

summer 2008 was the hardest time of my life, every waking moment i wondered how i could somehow get away from what my life was. i starved myself, i cut myself, i stopped talking, i stole money from my parents, i slept around because i couldn't cope with being alone with myself and my mom found a blog entry on livejournal (lol luv livejournal) and she took me to the doctors who diagnosed me as a manic depressive with general anxiety disorder and very mild bipolar disorder and put me on paroxetine. i felt so much better, i got into college and i got into a healthy relationship and worked hard. i felt my mind changing and i was happier for it and then i went back to see another doctor, who took me off the pill because off the hype surrounding it and put me on prozac. and i felt like it was over.

i had counselling for a bit after but i didn't feel safe anymore and it was horrible and nothing's changed now.

sometimes i hate living, i'm scared of other people, i'm an actor losing my confidence more with everyday. i hate people with a venom that i can't explain. i fear going to the doctor just to go back in a circle i feel i've been in since i was 11. sleeping pattern is all over the place, i'm obsessed with calories and exercise at the moment, i just yeah.

so yeah, depression is great. i love it.