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Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
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    Ripieno

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    Default How do you deal with loss?

    I know these posts always start with some sort of story, and I don't really have anyone else to tell but Habbox forum, which is really sad.

    This morning I woke up to find that one of my childhood friends had died. I remember that I used to go over to his house when we were younger, play skipping ropes with his sister. I remember getting a splinter off of his garden fence and thinking that my life was ending. We went to school together and drifted with friend groups, but I was around when his dad died. I'm not going to pretend that we were as close as he was to other people, I'm not going to pretend that we were the best of friends for the latter part of his life, but our childhood and our father's friendship was enough for him to leave an impact. In school, he hung out with a group of boys that bullied me and he never made any insightful commentary... ever. He was the kind of lad that buried everything he felt to put other people first, and it's horrible that I never thought to be there for him properly after everything that happened.

    I'm actually pretty heartbroken. I'm 600 miles away from home and I can't go to his funeral. I'm not even exactly sure of what to do with myself today...

    Help me. How do you deal with loss?

    I'll be in the help desk if anyone wants to just come and chill out and chat, take my mind off of the 5000 things going on.
    Last edited by Kimmy; 31-05-2015 at 12:35 PM.

  2. #2
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    welldonemate

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    Everybody deals with loss differently and to be fair I'm not sure there is a way to deal with loss rather then time.

    I'm really sorry to hear for your news, may he rest in peace.
    (H)

  3. #3
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    Empired

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    I am currently dealing with loss myself but very very slowly, but I'm not sure if that makes it harder or easier. I finished six sessions of pre-bereavement counselling a couple of weeks ago and one of the only useful things I got out of it was that the woman kept telling me that there is no right way to deal with grief. I shut myself out from everything and somehow forced myself to stop really feeling emotions at all and I don't know how I did it but I'm almost glad that I did. But I doubt it would be the same for you as your loss happened very quickly whereas mine has been building up over a long time, with it just coming towards its fifth year of hanging over my family.

    The only advice I could give you is to work out how you seem to be taking it and then learn how to deal with it. That sounds like such rubbish advice and such a generic thing to say but I found that I wasted so much time thinking "I should be sad" or "I shouldn't be angry" when actually it would have been much more beneficial to me to think "ok I'm angry.. how do I deal with this". Also don't listen to anyone else who tries to dictate to you how you should feel. It seems like the second you tell someone about your loss everyone instantly becomes expert grief counselors with their crappy stories like "oh I lost my half uncle on my mother's side nineteen years ago so I know how you're feeling".

    Find an outlet that suits YOU. Maybe you don't wanna talk about it at all, maybe you do, maybe you just want to talk about it online. Any of those things are ok but don't let other people bully you into telling them how you feel if you don't want to, and don't feel like you're burdening other people if you do want to talk about it.

    We're all here to listen if you ever want to talk x

  4. #4
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    welldonemate

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    Quote Originally Posted by Empired View Post
    I am currently dealing with loss myself but very very slowly, but I'm not sure if that makes it harder or easier. I finished six sessions of pre-bereavement counselling a couple of weeks ago and one of the only useful things I got out of it was that the woman kept telling me that there is no right way to deal with grief. I shut myself out from everything and somehow forced myself to stop really feeling emotions at all and I don't know how I did it but I'm almost glad that I did. But I doubt it would be the same for you as your loss happened very quickly whereas mine has been building up over a long time, with it just coming towards its fifth year of hanging over my family.

    The only advice I could give you is to work out how you seem to be taking it and then learn how to deal with it. That sounds like such rubbish advice and such a generic thing to say but I found that I wasted so much time thinking "I should be sad" or "I shouldn't be angry" when actually it would have been much more beneficial to me to think "ok I'm angry.. how do I deal with this". Also don't listen to anyone else who tries to dictate to you how you should feel. It seems like the second you tell someone about your loss everyone instantly becomes expert grief counselors with their crappy stories like "oh I lost my half uncle on my mother's side nineteen years ago so I know how you're feeling".

    Find an outlet that suits YOU. Maybe you don't wanna talk about it at all, maybe you do, maybe you just want to talk about it online. Any of those things are ok but don't let other people bully you into telling them how you feel if you don't want to, and don't feel like you're burdening other people if you do want to talk about it.

    We're all here to listen if you ever want to talk x
    Completely agree with the counselling, when my dad passed away in 2009, I thought this would help but I was lumped with a woman who decided eating Jaffa cakes while I spoke was going to help, she hardly said a thing. Within 3 sessions I ended up complaining so much to her manager she was suspended and I ended up dealing with my loss just through time.

    Nobody can tell us we will be okay and there in a better place because all we want is for them to be by our side again. Time is precious, and the people around us are more important then we really think.

    Lots of love, hope your going to be okay.
    (H)

  5. #5
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    When I lose someone close to me, I generally don't grieve for a long period of time - instead I have always had the mind set that they're not really gone, I just haven't seem them for a while, which seems to work with me. Not sure if it'd work with anyone else or if anyone else feels like that apart from my sister and me though.
    Last edited by Samantha; 31-05-2015 at 04:07 PM.

  6. #6
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    well kimmy everyone deals with loss differently... it all depends on who the person was to you. When my dad who i was very close to passed away, i was told i will go through 7 stages of loss and i did. Its almost 3 years now and i am still in the denial stage. Its hard to forget the person you loved so dearly, knowing you will never see them again. My advice would be; remember all the good times you had with your friend and talk to people. Everyone is here for you, those who knew him and those that didn't. We are all here, even if you just want a shoulder to cry on. I promise it will get easier as time passes by, maybe you could write a poem or a small eulogy for you or someone else to read out at his funeral. Unfortunately you can't distract yourself from whats happened , you can grieve for your friend though and even though it hurts now, it makes things better for the long term. I hope this helps you kimmy and remember take as long as you need off. I and the events department are here for you. Thinking of you and my condolences go out to his family xxxx


    !:random!:! / Becky
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/bonkers_becky





  7. #7
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    The most important piece of advice I got about this was that there is no right way to deal with loss - there isn't one thing to do, you can't base your experience off what someone else has gone through, and do NOT listen if someone tells you you're not dealing with it right.

    Basically, what I'm trying to say is do whatever you feel like doing. If that's going on Habbo to distract yourself, throwing yourself into work, crying, sitting doing nothing, just do whatever you feel like.

    I definitely found it easier to remember the good times though and just spend time away processing what happened without many distractions. The best thing I did was find people who will listen and not judge - or even respond at all most of the time - and just talk about what happened, what I was remembering, what I was feeling, all this sort of stuff. Was genuinely so useful to just get it out there and have people who had been through grief before (I hadn't really) tell me it's OK.

    I hope you're doing okay, condolences to you and his family xx





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