Relationships FAQ's! [Advice to several common posted problems!]

[Ostinato]

Teenage Pregnancy

Hey there guys. As this is the relationships forum, I decided to post a wee guide on underage sex, and teenage pergnancy, and help outline some of the issues that can arise, and how to avoid them etc. and make people aware of the help that is available for those who need it.


What is Teenage Pregnancy?

Well, it does what it says on the tin basically! Teenage pregnancy is basically when you become pregnant, or get someone pregnant whilst they are still a teenager.


How common is Teenage Pregnancy?

Teenage pregnancy is a lot more common than you probably think.

• The number of under-18s who became pregnant in England and Wales rose from 40,966 in 2001 to 41,868 in 2002.

• Half of under-16s and a third of 16-19s use no contraception the first time they have sex.

• About 11 percent of all U.S. births in 2002 were to teens (ages 15 to 19).

• The majority of teenage births (about 67 percent) are to girls ages 18 and 19.2 About 860,000 teenagers become pregnant each year, and about 425,000 give birth.

• About one in three teenagers becomes pregnant before age 20

Why is Teenage Pregnancy rates so high in the UK?

The Social Exclusion Unit report Teenage Pregnancy identified three major factors for the UK's failure to reduce its teenage conception rates alongside those of other European countries:

• Low Expectations. Teenage pregnancy is more common among young people who have been disadvantaged and have poor expectations of education or the job market. The UK has more young people who see no prospect of a job and foresee a future on benefits. As the report said 'put simply, they see no reason not to get pregnant.'

• Ignorance. Young people in the UK lack accurate knowledge about contraception and sexually transmitted infections, they are uncertain of what to expect from a relationship and have an unrealistic picture of parenthood. Contraceptive use is low compared to countries like Denmark and the Netherlands and young people tend to have a rosy view of what being a parent is about.

• Mixed messages. Young people are surrounded by sexual images and messages which imply that sexual activity is the norm. Yet some parents and many public institutions are at best embarrassed about dealing with young people's sexuality or try to ignore it completely. This leads to the situation, described by one teenager quoted by the Teenage Pregnancy Report, where it seems as if sex is compulsory but contraception is illegal.

• Poverty is a key risk factor for teenage pregnancy. Girls whose families are in social class V (unskilled manual) are ten times more likely to become teenage mothers than girls from professional backgrounds. They are also far less likely to have an abortion if they do become pregnant.

• Children in and leaving care are at high risk of pregnancy. 25% of care leavers have had a child by the age of 16; almost half of care leavers are mothers within 18-24 months of leaving care.

• Low educational achievement is also a major risk factor for teenage parenthood. A study of 150 teenage mothers in South London found that 40% had left school with no qualifications compared with national average of 6.6%.

Is Teenage Pregnancy Against the Law?

Well, technically it is, as having sex under the age of 16 is officialy against the law. However, this law isn't exactly that if you break it. it means you go to prison. Basically, if you get someone pregnant/someone gets you pregnant, and either of the families wishes to press charges, police action would be taken, but unless it was unconsented nothing much is likely to happen - however this doesn't mean it's ok to do it, as if you do get caught you can still get in a hell of a lot of trouble.


Preventing Pregancy

If you are thinking of becoming sexually active, but want to prevent pregnancy there is a few things you can do to help stop.

• You could go on the pill, issued from your doctor or GP which simply stops you from becoming pregnant. The doctor will give you more information

• You could use condoms during intercourse, which prevent the sperm getting into the womans ****** and meeting the egg, therefore stopping any chance of pregnancy

These are 2 of the most basic ways to prevent pregnancy, but the best and most guaranteed one - is not to have sex at all, until you are definetly positive you are ready, and are able to deal with any consequences which may follow.


What are the signs of being pregnant?

Common signs of being pregnant, are:

• Your period is late, or doesn't come.

• Your period stops or becomes very light.

• You may feel nausea or queasiness. Some women vomit. ("Morning sickness" can happen any time of day -- it may help to eat small meals throughout the day, snack on crackers or toast, or drink juice or lemonade.)

• Your breasts swell and may be tender.

• Your nipples and the area around the nipples (areola) get darker and broader.

• You have to urinate more often.

• You feel tired.

• You may become constipated and have heartburn

• You may have headaches.

• You experience mood swings -- feel angry, sad, or happy for no reason.

What should I do if I think I'm Pregnant?

If you have had any of the symptoms related to pregnancy, listed above, and/or are curious that you might be pregnant, there is a few things you should do.

First off, you should take a pregnancy test which you will be able to purchase from your local pharmacy. Pregnancy tests are usually 99.9% accurate, but not always. If the pregnancy test is negative, I would suggest that it's perhaps just a wee scare and you've nothing to worry about, but just monitor the signs closely to be sure. However, if it's positive, I think you should inform a close family member, or someone you can trust, and make an appointment with your GP, who will confirm your pregnancy.


What if my parents kill me?!

It's likely that a lot of teenagers who become pregnant, or perhaps think they are, are worried what others may think of them, and worry about how their parents will react when they find out. Although it is a bit scary, you need to inform them, as they will just find out in the end anyway. You should sit them down, and explain the situation, and if you arn't that close to your parents, or feel you can't get the words out to express yourself, why not write them a letter- that way you can say exactly everything you want to. At the end of the day, they will just need to accept the fact, and most likely will just be disappointed in you.


Pregnancy options

If your pregnant, or become pregnant, you obviously have the choice of keeping it or not. You need to decide whether or not you would be able to bring up a baby, which is a lot of hard work, in a loving environment and keep it safe etc.

If you don't, or decide you don't want to keep it (which is entirely your decision, and you shouldn't let anyone else make it for you) then there are a few options available to you:

• Abortion - You could have the baby terminated whilst still inside the womb. This is entirely a moral, and personal decision you must make based on what you believe in, and obviously isn't for everyone. You would need to speak to your GP or doctor to have this arranged.

• Adoption - You could go through with the pregnancy, but once the baby is born you could have it adopted into a family who would be able to offer it the home and love the baby would require.

At the end of the day, it's your choice what you do with it, therefore you should never be forced into making a decision which you don't really want to go through with, otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your life.


Pregnancy Help

If you become pregnant, or just want more information on pregnancy there is several options for you to choose from. You could make an appointment with your local doctor or GP and speak to him about the different schemes etc. available to help you if you fell pregnant, or just to give you basic information on it.

You could also just use the internet, using google search engine where you could get some good information, and pregnancy help. A good site to visit, is http://www.pregnancy911.com/?gclid=C...FRUSQgodxGZF8A where you can get advice 24/7. You could also get in touch with Childline, a charity dedicated to helping young people, who offer a 24/7 chat service, allowing you to speak to someone one-to-one privatly, and help point you in the right direction. Visit http://www.childline.org.uk/ for more information.

Basically, you are legally, not allowed to have sex until you are over 16 years of age. This law is there for a reason, and that is because once your 16, in the laws eyes, you are seen as a responsible adult, and therefore you would be able to deal with any consequences you would be faced with after having sex. Sex shouldn't just be pointless, and should be an act of love between two people. You must ensure that you have waited long enough, to know
that you are definetly ready to have sex, and it is what you want, and you should never be pressurised by anyone else.

Hopefully this guide will have helped at least one person, and if you have anything you would perphaps like more information on anything, or have any suggestions for things that could be added, or even just have comments on the guide - please feel free to PM me.

Ostinato :]

[Ostinato]

Relationships


Hey guys!

I basically made this thread as over the last few months I have seen there has been several of the same sort of questions being asked for in this forum. They tend to be about how to ask a girl out, or how to keep conversation going with them, or dates to go on etc. Therefore, the sole purpose of this thread is to simply act as a FAQ thread, where you can find the answers to many of the problems you may be considering posting about. I of course haven’t covered everything and if you feel there is anything vital missing from this, or there is something you’d like to contribute, then please feel free to PM me at any time. This thread does not mean you cannot post asking for help related to these issues, it’s simply to save you time for a quick answer, and if you really would like several users personal opinions, then by all means please post a new thread.



How do I ask a girl out?
This is one of the questions I’ve answered most on this forum since I’ve been moderating the category. It seems a lot of users have difficulty just going up and asking a girl/boy out! Think about it, what’s the worse they can do?! Say no, which isn’t the end of the world.

I say, if you have an incline that someone likes you and you like them back, then you should perhaps try and get talking to them on messenger or in life and just get to know them that wee bit better, then decide whether or not you’d like to take your friendship further. You could simply tell them you think your feelings a bit stronger than just friendship, and you’d love to go out on a date with them. If all goes well, then you should then go for a relationship! I understand that not everyone is as confident as just spitting it out, but honestly, it’s all really mind over matter and once you ask that’s the hard bit over and you will feel a hell of a lot better, knowing what your answer was, no matter what the result you get!

If it’s perhaps a little bit tricky and you perhaps have a strong bond and a friendship with the person, I suggest you take that extra bit longer to really think about it and see if you really do think a relationship would work, and if you do then I say go for it. But you need to be aware it may ultimately effect your friendship, so you need to decide if that’s a risk worth taking. However, I’d say the majority of good friends, if that’s what they actually are, would just move on and put it behind them! :]



What can I say?!
I’ve also noticed a lot of people posting, asking for help on what to say to girls/boys. It’s completely understandable that when your around someone who you like you get nervous etc. and you don’t want to end up saying something stupid or making a fool of yourself, or you may just be a shy person – but honestly, they’ll respect you more if you just keep talking and stuff rather than sitting quietly letting them do all the work. Just let stuff come naturally, don’t go planning out your whole evenings conversation topics, as that just wont work. You need to let it come freely and just discuss life, hobbies, interests etc. and that way you’ll really find out if the person is good for you. Also, if your really finding it difficult to make conversation with someone your perhaps in a relationship with, I suggest you maybe need to re-think whether that persons right for you, as communication really is the key to all relationships, and if there’s a failure on that basis then it can be pretty doomed.



How can I meet people?
If your maybe single and sick of it, and your after a wee date, then there’s plenty of ways of getting one! Think about it, your not going to get anywhere if you just sit back and expect al the offers to come flooding in to you – as I said above – you need to do some work too! ;P

You could simply start by chatting to girls/boys at school or on messenger and get to know them better. If you think you maybe have a connection with them, then you could follow me steps to asking them out on a date or something. If your perhaps more of a shy person and don’t have as many friends at school or something, you could join some sort of youth club, or maybe a sports club or something which will allow you to interact with people your own age and get to know a huge variety of different people, including the same and opposite gender, which you could perhaps eventually get a relationship out of!



How do I kiss?
It seems a lot of people get really self-conscious and worried when it comes to kissing (making-out/snogging etc). The key to this, is simply to be natural. If your with a partner and feel your both ready to share a kiss, then I suggest you maybe take them out to the pictures or something, and when the moment feels right, just pure your arms around them and look at them in the eyes. Then lower your mouth to there’s and start kissing in the way you would perhaps kiss a relative (a wee peck). This might feel a bit stupid to start with, but trust me – you don’t want to jump in the deep end, and it’s better to do it gradually. From then on, you can start using tongues etc. It might feel a bit weird to start with, but once again it really all is just mind over matter and once you give it a go you’ll be surprised how natural and easy it is to do! :]



Splitting Up
Eventually, especially at the general age of people on this forum, relationships come to an end unless you really do find that special person. When that time comes you need to just do your best to move on and get over the heartache. Of course it’s going to be hard to start with and stuff, but trust me – speaking from experience here – it does get easier as time goes on, and always remember – there’s plenty more fish in the sea! ;P

If your maybe the one whos ending a relationship, then you need to understand how upset the person might become. Don't be silly and go up and say 'OKAY UR DUMPD'. Break it to them gently, and make it seem less harash than it actually is (euphanism). Perhaps explain to them you just want to be friends and think you would be better off that way as you have more in common on a friendship basis, rather than on a relationship. Just be tactful and do your best to save the person any extra heartache!



Okay well, that’s really just about it for now, but if you feel I’ve missed anything out which I could add or there’s anything you could add, like I said – please feel free to PM me.

I enjoy giving out advice to you all, and I hope this thread has been somewhat beneficial to you. If you ever have any problems regarding Teen Life or Relationships etc. then please feel free to post in any of these forums and I will give you the best advice and help I can. If you perhaps would like advice on a one-to-one basis and your not too happy with the whole forum seeing your problem, please feel free to PM me confidentially and I will give you the best advice I can, again.

In general, I simply advise you all to basically enjoy your life and enjoy your relationships. Keep them fresh and healthy by doing new things and keep that spark in the flame burning! A lot of it (kissing, making conversation, asking people out) is basically all mind over matter and it really is easier than you think once you get started, so just go for it and give it a try! :]

Ostinato
Forum Moderator