My first story put on habbox

[eggd2]

i have normaly kept my stories private becuz i think there not very good, but i think this ones good, but it is not yet finished. rate /10

The Mysterious Plant

Chapter 1

I and Dad had just finished 4 weekends work on out wooden deck, to cover the cold, grey cement that helped to keep our derelict house in one piece.

Our house is as old as the 400 year old chestnut tree in our garden, that’s where the birds wake me up every morning at 7:00 am so I will not be late for school.

It was when we were watching the television, on a Saturday night, Mum looked at the deck confused, and she thought for a second and put on her big half moon glasses and said “The deck looks empty! Tomorrow we must go and get an expensive plant!”
“We can’t even afford to fix our house! How much do you want to spend?” said Dad in a puzzled angry way.
“We are getting a plant! It is only £85.” replied Dad.
“£85!” I shouted at the same time as Dad
“Fine! I will go and get it on myself! Tomorrow!” Shouted Mum in return.
“Ok Dear, we will get it, wont we John?” Asked Dad
“How much will I get paid?” I said
“You won’t! You coming to the garden centre, you can pick the plant tomorrow.” Said Dad
“Ok, if I can stay up late, and pick a tree that is different to any other tree.”

Chapter 2

Today I woke up to the great sound of bird tweeting, it was relaxing, the best Sunday morning I have had in a long time, as my alarm clock is broken after I dropped it out the window! I got up and done my normal jobs, took the rubbish out, cleaned my room and fed my cats and dogs. This made it the best morning. I woke my Dad up and asked “What time are we going to the garden centre? To pick out my wonderful unique tree.” I asked
“In about one hour. Go walk the dogs” Replied Dad

On the walk I walked passed the garden centre, I saw the plant; it looked like a big brown log, with one green fern branch coming out the top. I had picked the plant, the unique plant that I loved, so I ran home, as fast as my legs could go, I had never ran as fast!

Chapter 3

When I got home I ran up the stairs, and tripped on the top step in excitement. My dad came running out the room and shouted “What the hell just happened!”
“I have seen my unique tree, its £75, let’s go and get it! I replied!
“Get in the car and let’s go! Said Dad
I ran to the car and jumped in the sun roof of the car and we went as fast as we could to the garden centre.

We got to the garden centre and I ran and Dad followed me to the fern. I read the label it said “Tasmanian Fern”
“That’s not a fern, that’s a poo stick!” replied Dad.
“Dad can we get it? Please, Mum will love it!” I replied.
“Ok but you picked it!” said Dad.

Chapter 4

We dragged the heavy, massive fern onto the deck as we put it down it made a stomach churning bang. Mum came rushing out and said “Wow, how did you know I wanted that amazing fern?” questioned Mum.
“Thank John he picked it out and knew you would love it!” replied Dad.
Mum ran up and cuddled me I felt like I was getting squeezed by an anaconda. I said “Mum it’s only a plant!”
“No I love it!” said Mum.

It was 7:45 pm so I started my homework at got ready for school, I packed my bag early because I had Art, Music, IT, English, and Design at school the next day. Then I watched a documentary on the World War 2 and on Tasmania and I saw a plant like mine, it said they grow in the shrub layer in the Tasmanian rainforest. Then I fell asleep not setting my alarm clock because I wanted to wake up by the sound of the birds singing in the big old oak tree.

Chapter 5

I woke up an hour late, for some reason the birds were not
Singing a joyful morning song, in fact they had disappeared! I ran downstairs and done my Monday, I got my money for my hot dinner at school. I then watered my plant and the other plants, I noticed that my plant had grown about 10 cm’s in one night; it also had a lot of feathers on it. I pondered for a second, and thought that a bird must have got attacked by a cat or something and the birds must of flew off. They probably will be back some time in the week, I thought to myself.

Dad came running down the stairs and asked me “Where have the birds gone?”
“I don’t know, I think a bird got eaten and they all ran, they will be back soon, I think” I replied.
“Ok, well I better take you to your school, don’t want to be late, do you?” Dad said
“I wouldn’t mind if I missed school, but I’m not allowed to drop off school yet!” I exclaimed.
“Your only 14, I’ve said before you can drop off school in two years if you want to clean the streets as a job!”

[-Iceo]

How long did that take you to Write all it out?

[eggd2]

few hours what do u think ?

[Eric$]

Okay, the story had some nice adjectives and analogies, which did indeed liven the story up, although I have to say the story is based on something that isn't very interesting. However, from seeing where you stopped (you mentioned it's not done yet), I'm making the inference that this plant has to do with the disappearance of the birds, so I'm guessing we are nowhere near the climax of the story, and simply at the rising action of our plot. There was only one or two grammatical errors, which was the misuage of past tense and past participle, but I like the way you write it. I'm not keen on grading short stories or usually reading them since they are hard to have a nice plot (but of course you're not done) and since I have not graded any short stories on here, my judgement is very difficult. I'm going to go with an 8/10. Well done so far. I will try to remember to look for updates here but if you do not see me re-judge this when your story continues, private message me! I'm interested to continue viewing the continuation of this story.

Wonderful,
Eric (Genius-Kid)

[Wallmart]

Nice, it takes certain people to write soemthinglike that

REp

[DJ Yob]

Nice... I only read the first two chapters because I dont like reading :p but what i read of it was good.

[CHHosting]

Ya cool, really nice

[q25]

Great story!, congratulations

[EletricMornings]

Hem i dont like it too much
their is too many saids

[Camerons]

I only read the first 2 chapters aswell. As i dont like reading. I will give you a rep beacuse the effort you put in. However 1 point i think there were to many "