Big sorta... Mistake.

[Pyroka]

Well I need to get this story straight in my head, and I need someone elses perspective on maybe someone whose been in the situation which I'm in. It's a confusing one, and maybe I'm going the wrong way about things posting it on a forum but I need to get it straight.

Me and my girlfriend live 450 miles away from eachother, however distance is not an issue (I'm saying this because it plays a part in the telling). She lives in Scotland and I live in Devon, it's pretty distanced and we haven't been out with eachother that long anyway. She can get down to Devon whenever she likes, but I can't get to her. Not a biggie though, I admit distance you'd think is an obstacle but it's not.

Now it started yesterday, her gran was down from Scotland and I went over to my gf's cousins house (which she's staying at, not my gf, gran) & we basically got talking about how a camping trip we arranged in September was impossible. The distance isn't an obstacle, it's the timing which is the big thing. Basically, I said to her gran that she might be able to come meet me when I go back home up north, she can meet me half way, fine and dandy that's very possible!

It's when I left though, I got my mind completely blown. My gf's cousins MUM taken me outside and warned me about how my gf has been known to lead people on. I know it's happened before because it was to my best mate that it happened to. What she said was that my gf is known to have her 'fun' when she's away, and she was worried that I'm her next conquest of a good time. Sounds all straight and fine, yeah?

Well I asked myself later on that night, why would she invite me camping in September if I'm just a 'holiday fling'? Why would she introduce all her mates to me (via MSN, later to be the camping trip), when I was just a 'holiday fling'? It's got me bloody warped I tell you, I'm getting opinions from all angles and people say I should take my own path on it, but I don't know what my path is because I'm so flippin confused. She's busy with her work and so am I with mine, it's all fair and I understand, and I trust her I don't think she'll go off with a guy in Scotland at all.

Just this is coming from a woman whose known my gf since she was born, and I've known her for little over 2 weeks. I ask myself is it worht the hassle, 2 weeks isn't long so is it worth even trying to make it work if I'm already having problems at this point. It's conflicting opinions, yeah I've gathered all the opinions of people in my head and they're clashing, it's like schitzophrenia. I dunno what to do...

A girl I've liked in work told me she split up with her boyfriend today, and I know why she told me that. This has made matters even worrrrrrrse, since I have an option now. Go with the girl up north who I get along with more than anyone I've ever met, or go with the girl I like in work whose working same place as me but well... Would it last? I don't know what to think of the situation, it's damn confusing and... idk...

It's a longshot, but has anyone ever been in a situation like this before? It'd really come in handy if I knew how you dealt with it... I don't want advice on what I should do, knowing what other people have done is good enough.

Blergh, hope anyone can help because I'm stuck.

[Abbie.]

you wont want my advice, but anyway


i dont think long distance works, unless u have something really special, and communication is key, if u dont have communication, theres no point

if it was me, id prob go with the girl at work, she lives near you obv, and if you both like each other then happy days lols..

[cocaine]

IMO you're better off sticking with the one that works with you. The other one is very long distant, and for a relationship to work, you have to have trust. As you said earlier her mum has taken you aside and had a word with you, and as you rightly said she's known her all her life and knows her better than you do. If you pour your heart into this relationship with her you'll most likely get hurt, as she may go with some other guy in Scotland. With the girl you work with, it'd be better than long distance, as you can actually physically communicate with each other. At the end of the day it all boils down to if you can handle possibly getting hurt by the long distance gf

[buttons]

ugh, to be fair, it's never gonna work with you & this girl from scotland, it's really not lol. you may think distance isn't an issue but it will be. theres no point trying to make somethin work with someone if it's not gonna last. no i've never been in this situation before 'cause i'm smart enough to know it won't work lol (not sayin you're not). her mum maybe just dislikes you. i dunno, soz.

[5,5]

go with your gut.

[Pyroka]

Well I'd be a idiot to ignore advice wouldn't I, regardless of the source.

Communication is defo the key and we do have that, she says meet up here and I'm like yeah wanna meet up here too? It works both ways, but... it's just, idk. It feels like people are basing her on history and almost trying to warn me off, but I don't want to warn off her at all, YET ive spoken to her heart-to-heart and it's like I know her in a completely different light to what everyone else thinks. It's hard to uphold what you think of someone when everyone around you influencing you, I've never came under this sort of position before and it's blummin.. difficult.

I'd best mention also that the girl from Scotland might be coming down to Devon to do her college course, seeing as she can go either place.

@cocaine: I've been hurt before by a long-distance girlfriend so the hurt I'm not afraid of, I disregard it. I know what you're saying about the girl from work, and I agree to a extent... but with my current gf, I can relate to her much better and we have better communication than the girl at work. I trust my current gf and the girl at work, but my gf more.

@buttons: Everyone said that with my ex and we lasted about a year, communication was the downfall. Thing is, my current gf if she doesn't go to Devon and goes to college in Scotland, I might be going University in Scotland anyway... Either that or Sheffield, I'm undecided. The girl down south I won't stay with through Uni, I know that for fact because it's a long distance relationship, and that'd be back to square 1.

[Abbie.]

'regardless of the source'


oh cheers.



idk, I just know long distance doesnt work.

[Pyroka]

It wasn't meant to be offensive.

--Pwned, that's EXACTLY what my mates said LOL.

[cocaine]

try not to ignore good advice :P if its good advice then no matter how hard it may be to follow it, it'll be for the best

[Pyroka]

I'm not ignoring you. I know what you're saying, and it's tempting... IDK. >_<

[AndrewByrne]

Long distance relationships don't work :(
End it now.


500th post btw :D

[cocaine]

I'm not ignoring you. I know what you're saying, and it's tempting... IDK. >_<

not ignoring me haha, i mean in general, cus u sed u sometimes ignore advice ;D

[Pyroka]

Nah I said I wouldn't ignore advice, even if it was Damien telling me to do something... Blergh idk what I mean LOL.

k I don't mean to sound like I'm off on a wobbler, but how can you say long distance relationships don't work if you've never been in one? :S

[Abbie.]

ive been in one

it didnt work..

maybe mines different because i was younger, idk

[buttons]

i've been in one that was like 45 mins away n it didn't work coz i cud never be bothered to see him, if u can go see her & she doesn't come see you then she's not rly commited lol

[Pyroka]

Have you? Never knew that.

It is harder when you're younger, you can't travel on your own accord. See, I prefer long distance relationships, it takes the physical attribute from the whole equation and sets on the personality more than anything... and I like that. It's what you call my cup of tea, I guess.

buttons, she lives hour and a half away on zee plan, and i can afford the plane, but she was the one who offered to see me, not the other way around. I've never ever ever ever had that in a relationship before, and that's maybe what's got me thinking, are the relatives of hers wrong and is this something different to what shes usually like... :S

[Abbie.]

Have you? Never knew that.

It is harder when you're younger, you can't travel on your own accord. See, I prefer long distance relationships, it takes the physical attribute from the whole equation and sets on the personality more than anything... and I like that. It's what you call my cup of tea, I guess.

buttons, she lives hour and a half away on zee plan, and i can afford the plane, but she was the one who offered to see me, not the other way around. I've never ever ever ever had that in a relationship before, and that's maybe what's got me thinking, are the relatives of hers wrong and is this something different to what shes usually like... :S

yeaa, when i was like 14 lol, but the thing was he was obbessed with me and was like 'I LOVE U' all the time, and i didnt like him that much but didnt want to hurt his feelings but then he was getting way to clingly and was wanting me to meet up with me, and i refused too lol.

yours is different because your old enough to make discisions like that, to go and visit her, if you know what i mean :S? and your sorta convincing yourself that you want it to work from what im reading into it, so yeah, do what your gut says :].

[Pyroka]

yeaa, when i was like 14 lol, but the thing was he was obbessed with me and was like 'I LOVE U' all the time, and i didnt like him that much but didnt want to hurt his feelings but then he was getting way to clingly and was wanting me to meet up with me, and i refused too lol.

yours is different because your old enough to make discisions like that, to go and visit her, if you know what i mean :S? and your sorta convincing yourself that you want it to work from what im reading into it, so yeah, do what your gut says :].

LOL, god what you said reminds me of.. me, actually, a year ago. I used to be totally obsessed with my ex-gf as you might know, idk if I told you... and yeah, I met up with her but she'd never pull her own weight to come and see me. This relationship though that I'm in now... It's different, and well... it could work, but idk. :S

yeah i want it to work, defo, id be lying i didnt want it to work.

oh god... eek. >_< brb she's on MSN to me.. ahhhhhhh. :( :D :( idk what. LOL.

[leah]

You obviously like the girl from Scottland more, and have a connection with her, If the distance isn't a problem in your opinion then go for it...
You've said you trust her too... Maybe she treated those other guys like that because she didn't really like them much, She hasn't given you any reason to doubt her either, Go camping with her and see how you feel after that.

[MissAlice]

Just this is coming from a woman whose known my gf since she was born, and I've known her for little over 2 weeks. I ask myself is it worht the hassle, 2 weeks isn't long so is it worth even trying to make it work if I'm already having problems at this point. It's conflicting opinions, yeah I've gathered all the opinions of people in my head and they're clashing, it's like schitzophrenia. I dunno what to do...

A girl I've liked in work told me she split up with her boyfriend today, and I know why she told me that. This has made matters even worrrrrrrse, since I have an option now. Go with the girl up north who I get along with more than anyone I've ever met, or go with the girl I like in work whose working same place as me but well... Would it last? I don't know what to think of the situation, it's damn confusing and... idk...

Blergh, hope anyone can help because I'm stuck.

You are already stressed out, so ask yourself is this what you want? This woman told you about her niece for a good reason. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are young and trust is needed for any relationship to work, be it 10 miles or 450. You already have doubts and you don't know what to think, it's already eating away at you, so are you prepared to have this in the back of your mind all the time? Because that's how it's going to be. You have also admitted to liking someone else. How would you feel if you heard she liked someone else too? Pretty hurt I imagine! So ask yourself is she worth the heartache?

[Breakfloor]

the biggest mistake is you getting a girlfriend, because no matter how hard you try.. your heart will always belong to rick astley.

now, all jokes aside..

TAP IT AND RUN IN TRUE DARRIS STYLE.

you expected that from me ryan, didnt you?

[Glamour]

Umm, i would usually say dont just automatically take someones word for it, even though she said she does this alot, what means to say she is going to do it to you, maybe she feels different about you?
I also think that Devon and Scotland are a long long long long long long long way away, and even though you see eachother, its hassle isn't it? If you feel a lot for this girl, then id stick with her. But from what you have said, I dont sense that you like her that much, maybe this is because you have only been with eachother 2 weeks, I dont know, but if you already have a negative view on the relationship ahead then I would say its not worth it.
This girl at work, do you have feelings for her? If you feel there is something that could happen then i'd go for it, you have nothing to lose do you ?

[Pyroka]

You obviously like the girl from Scottland more, and have a connection with her, If the distance isn't a problem in your opinion then go for it...
You've said you trust her too... Maybe she treated those other guys like that because she didn't really like them much, She hasn't given you any reason to doubt her either, Go camping with her and see how you feel after that.

I do like her, quite alot. She's everything I've wanted for a while plus more. :P Camping trip was cancelled, I'm sure I said. She might be seeing me when I'm up in Liverpool, but god knows. Should be interesting.


You are already stressed out, so ask yourself is this what you want? This woman told you about her niece for a good reason. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are young and trust is needed for any relationship to work, be it 10 miles or 450. You already have doubts and you don't know what to think, it's already eating away at you, so are you prepared to have this in the back of your mind all the time? Because that's how it's going to be. You have also admitted to liking someone else. How would you feel if you heard she liked someone else too? Pretty hurt I imagine! So ask yourself is she worth the heartache?

I spoken to her (my gf) last night on the phone, and with alot of hesitation I just came out and said it. She explained about how her auntie doesn't even know her that well, since they've only met 3-4 times and that the situation between my best mate and her was ENCOURAGED by her auntie. That definetly put my mind to ease, since I do have my suspicions about her family in Scotland and in Devon... Seems a bit of rivalry. We have the trust, I trust her fullyyy, all her mates are mostly guys and I don't think she'd ever do anything with any of them (and since she's known them, she hasn't).

Ano what you're saying about liking someone else, but a guy is allowed a crush... Especially in his teens. :P If she liked someone else and she told me, in all honesty, I would tell her that if she wants to then it's her life and decision, not mine. I didn't lose trust, I just got really confused being in the crossfire of so many facts and opinions that it got frustrating. I stepped back with her last night and we're ok. :D


the biggest mistake is you getting a girlfriend, because no matter how hard you try.. your heart will always belong to rick astley.

now, all jokes aside..

TAP IT AND RUN IN TRUE DARRIS STYLE.

you expected that from me ryan, didnt you?

I expected that more than I expect the world to end in 2012. Oh yeah, did you see that guy on X Factor last night, singing Rick Astley? I thought to myself, "Oh god, the internet will be going wild" LOL.


Umm, i would usually say dont just automatically take someones word for it, even though she said she does this alot, what means to say she is going to do it to you, maybe she feels different about you?
I also think that Devon and Scotland are a long long long long long long long way away, and even though you see eachother, its hassle isn't it? If you feel a lot for this girl, then id stick with her. But from what you have said, I dont sense that you like her that much, maybe this is because you have only been with eachother 2 weeks, I dont know, but if you already have a negative view on the relationship ahead then I would say its not worth it.
This girl at work, do you have feelings for her? If you feel there is something that could happen then i'd go for it, you have nothing to lose do you ?

That's what I thought too Glam, and I didn't take her word for it, I just weighed it all out and it didn't make any sense at all so I didn't know what to think... Devon and Scotland isn't a long way, especially when I can get a house in Scotland (I love my uncle) + I might be going uni there. Distance has never been a big thing for me, it used to when I was younger but now to me, it's just another element of a relationship, like arguments are.

I do like her, alot, but the fact her auntie said all that and I assumed she known her all her life (she hardly knows her except from when she goes down to devon for 2 weeks every year) so I've been set straight. :P

The girl at work, at first I thought it was something but... nah, I think we just get along well and it was just a little teen crush. I was thinking about it today when I was talking to her and I'm not sure if I would go out with her. She's a nice girl sure, but I doubt I would...

Anyway, cheers for the advice guys, it's actually helped quite a bit. Charz! <3

[Kenpachi]

Well I need to get this story straight in my head, and I need someone elses perspective on maybe someone whose been in the situation which I'm in. It's a confusing one, and maybe I'm going the wrong way about things posting it on a forum but I need to get it straight.

Me and my girlfriend live 450 miles away from eachother, however distance is not an issue (I'm saying this because it plays a part in the telling). She lives in Scotland and I live in Devon, it's pretty distanced and we haven't been out with eachother that long anyway. She can get down to Devon whenever she likes, but I can't get to her. Not a biggie though, I admit distance you'd think is an obstacle but it's not.

Now it started yesterday, her gran was down from Scotland and I went over to my gf's cousins house (which she's staying at, not my gf, gran) & we basically got talking about how a camping trip we arranged in September was impossible. The distance isn't an obstacle, it's the timing which is the big thing. Basically, I said to her gran that she might be able to come meet me when I go back home up north, she can meet me half way, fine and dandy that's very possible!

It's when I left though, I got my mind completely blown. My gf's cousins MUM taken me outside and warned me about how my gf has been known to lead people on. I know it's happened before because it was to my best mate that it happened to. What she said was that my gf is known to have her 'fun' when she's away, and she was worried that I'm her next conquest of a good time. Sounds all straight and fine, yeah?

Well I asked myself later on that night, why would she invite me camping in September if I'm just a 'holiday fling'? Why would she introduce all her mates to me (via MSN, later to be the camping trip), when I was just a 'holiday fling'? It's got me bloody warped I tell you, I'm getting opinions from all angles and people say I should take my own path on it, but I don't know what my path is because I'm so flippin confused. She's busy with her work and so am I with mine, it's all fair and I understand, and I trust her I don't think she'll go off with a guy in Scotland at all.

Just this is coming from a woman whose known my gf since she was born, and I've known her for little over 2 weeks. I ask myself is it worht the hassle, 2 weeks isn't long so is it worth even trying to make it work if I'm already having problems at this point. It's conflicting opinions, yeah I've gathered all the opinions of people in my head and they're clashing, it's like schitzophrenia. I dunno what to do...

A girl I've liked in work told me she split up with her boyfriend today, and I know why she told me that. This has made matters even worrrrrrrse, since I have an option now. Go with the girl up north who I get along with more than anyone I've ever met, or go with the girl I like in work whose working same place as me but well... Would it last? I don't know what to think of the situation, it's damn confusing and... idk...

It's a longshot, but has anyone ever been in a situation like this before? It'd really come in handy if I knew how you dealt with it... I don't want advice on what I should do, knowing what other people have done is good enough.

Blergh, hope anyone can help because I'm stuck.

You're in quite a predicament here.

I'll try to be as easy as possible. As you've said, her mum pulled you aside and she's had the past experiance of leading people on, and trust is a key in the relationship, but from experiance 2 weeks is not enough, to fully trust and understand the girl, with dating. (Unless you've known them a while before hand), but dating the girl in work can also cause hasslte, lets say you break up with her, you're both still working there - what if you start to hate eachother? You'd be risking your job due to the arguements that might break out in work.

I can't tell you: Go with the one in Scotland, but personally - I'd just leave them both, and wait for someone new. Plenty of fish in the sea.

As I have been in a situation similar to this, which came out with the worst outcome.

I had gone to up Nottingham to meet her, as we were going to some Holiday Park for a few days, when I had arrived her parents said she'd gone out somewhere. I had gone out to look for her (I know Nottingham quite well. >_>) Then some girl previously had been texting me, I had ignored, by the time I had found her she was with some other boy, holding hands. :(.


Haven't spoken to her since.
Just to clarify I'm not going to say your girlfriend will do this, just think about it.

[Mitch4?]

you've only known her 2weeks?
i say this cause i care about you..
don't.
it's proper annoying dating people far away, you might say it's not a problem, but it will be when you go back to school, and you're working weekends -it gets difficult. i had problems visiting some guy like an hour a way.
also the cousins mum is probs just saying it so she isnt like going to get hurt by you or something, like telling you lies or something.
relationships can be hard, and distance makes them even harder so no point, try this girl at work even if she sounds easy to me. get your leg round something init.

sorry im tired. x

[FlyingJesus]

tbh you're guaranteed to get some, don't chuck it away for a "just in case". I'm not a fan of long distance 'cause I done it before with a chick in Wales, and all we did when we met up was have a load of sex then get back on the train pretty much lol. Suited me fine but I didn't like the fact that for however long it was between meeting I could do nothing, so it wasn't for me and I ended it. But yeah if you are her holiday fling then what's the problem? You'll get some action out of it and then maybe feel bad for a while until the next girl comes along. If not, you might actually have a half decent relationship out of it, so you got nothing to lose by going along with it.

[MissAlice]

You're very trusting, I wish you good luck :)

[Hiro]

The fact that you made this thread says it all, it shows how much you care about your relationship with the girl in Scotland, and how much you want it to work, so all I can do is wish you good luck and to stick with her.