View Full Version : How do I?
PaulMacC
13-07-2010, 03:31 AM
How do I learn to not care about other peoples opinions. If someone says something about me I usually dont take it to well, I'm paranoid by default so that doesn't really happen. I want to develop a strong mindset that ignores negativity about myself.
Thread closed by danzooo (Forum Moderator) to prevent further spamming/arguments. Apologies to the OP for the inconvenience.
All you gotta do is have confidence. If someone says something to you and you have confidence and know that it's not true, than it will not bother you. However, everybody has their sensitive points, so if someone comments something you are already confident about, than of course it's going to sting. Just build confidence and remember that it means nothing in the end.
danzooo
13-07-2010, 08:38 AM
To be honest I think what you're after here is easier said than done. Saying your paranoid by default is just the way you are, I reckon what your asking is kinda like asking to have naturally blonde hair, when your hair is naturally brown...
Grow a pair and get on with it, not as if you're ever going to meet them.
I had this throughout high school, tried ignoring them, but it didn't work, tried reversing onto them and when they said something bad about me i would say something bad about them too, that really doesn't work.. then i tried agreeing with them in a sarcastic tone like if they say something just say "OMG YEAH I KNOW I AM SOOO FAT JEEZUS THANKS FOR TELLING ME!" but that kinda worked but not really..
The best thing i found was to try and avoid people and make your friendships with your friends stronger so that you have more confidence and then just stand up for yourself, if all that fails then "takes one to know one" and add something with their insult like "you fat ****" at the end.. that should work haha
buttons
13-07-2010, 11:21 AM
All you gotta do is have confidence. If someone says something to you and you have confidence and know that it's not true, than it will not bother you. However, everybody has their sensitive points, so if someone comments something you are already confident about, than of course it's going to sting. Just build confidence and remember that it means nothing in the end.
fake it till you have it aswell, some people look confident on the outside but we all have our insecurities. it's not a bad thing at all just everyone deals with it different, you're going to be the only one thinking of whatever is said, is it worth it? i used to laugh it off even if it hurt but now i really don't care like at all.
W00TZEH
13-07-2010, 11:01 PM
just gotta be able to laugh at yourself and your imperfections, who gives a toss what other people think
Just have to get into that mindset, theres no training routine to it, just have to think it and get stronger within your mind that you ain't gonna give a ****.
Stephen
14-07-2010, 01:38 AM
To be honest I think what you're after here is easier said than done. Saying your paranoid by default is just the way you are, I reckon what your asking is kinda like asking to have naturally blonde hair, when your hair is naturally brown...
So if someone walks into the doctors and says "I'm paranoid about everything by default, I can't even leave the house" then the doctor will just say "what you're asking is like askng to have natually blonde hair when your hair is natually brown. Please go home and live a loner for the rest of your life"
Florx
14-07-2010, 02:08 AM
Believe in yourself. Know your limits and know what you can do and who you are, that's the best you can be!
erm i don't know? Can you learn that you have to be like sure of yourself and confident it your ability :D
danzooo
14-07-2010, 10:39 AM
So if someone walks into the doctors and says "I'm paranoid about everything by default, I can't even leave the house" then the doctor will just say "what you're asking is like askng to have natually blonde hair when your hair is natually brown. Please go home and live a loner for the rest of your life"
No what you've basically done here is quote something I've said and totally twisted it into something utterly ridiculous...
Stephen
14-07-2010, 01:53 PM
No what you've basically done here is quote something I've said and totally twisted it into something utterly ridiculous...
To be honest I think what you're after here is easier said than done. Saying your paranoid by default is just the way you are, I reckon what your asking is kinda like asking to have naturally blonde hair, when your hair is naturally brown...
1
Asking to have naturally blonde hair when your hair is naturally brown is impossible!
2
You said that paul asking how to not care about people's opinions is like 1
So I haven't twisted anything. If changing how you think is impossible then obviously a doctor wouldn't be able to do anything..
FlyingJesus
14-07-2010, 02:27 PM
What other people think is important, don't buy into that originality crap people seem to think is a good idea for the pure sake of it these days.
What other people think is important, don't buy into that originality crap people seem to think is a good idea for the pure sake of it these days.
yeah but only to a certain extent - if we were all as perfect as you we wouldn't be having this conversation :( Some people have to live in your shadow and can't deal with it :D
kuzkasate
14-07-2010, 03:34 PM
tbh, i found this kinda natural. idc what other people think of me, im me, thats who i am and if you dont like me, you can **** off cos i dont have time for you.
think like that tbh, helped me a lot.
Florx
14-07-2010, 03:54 PM
yeah but only to a certain extent - if we were all as perfect as you we wouldn't be having this conversation :( Some people have to live in your shadow and can't deal with it :D
I think he was being sarcastic?
Wig44.
14-07-2010, 08:18 PM
The first thing you have to do:
Stop caring what other people think. As you think you shall become. Think: You ARE confident. You have what other people don't; confidence and the ability to NOT CARE what other people are thinking. Example: Hot girl on the bus/what ever, you want to approach but you are scared because of what she'll think. Don't care what she's thinking. The world does not revolve around you - how much do you remember of random people you see around you in every day life? Probably little to nothing. Everyone is the same in that regard. If you don't know them and they don't know you - why care what they are thinking? If someone is negative about you - chances are they are spouting crap, ignore it, move on. This is because you don't care what they think.
You probably have two other major problems:
You seek other peoples approval
You fear rejection.
Don't seek other peoples approval, e.g don't ask or beg someone to do something, make a statement and see if they follow. Don't dress to please someones, dress to please yourself. For people who are negative about you, don't change the things they are negative about to seek their approval, if you need to change, it is for yourself. They must seek your approval. No one likes the perfect person because perfect is boring. Remember this: You are the great catch because unlike other people you don't give a **** what people think, therefore you are resistant to social pressure and are not bound by seeking the approval of others. Act and feel confident, people will respond differently to you and this will make you confident in reality. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. And make the change today, not tomorrow - because tomorrow never comes.
Stephen
14-07-2010, 09:09 PM
imo if caring about other people's opinions gets to you really badly and so does all this paranoia etc then you should ask a doctor about CBT. Weekly 1 hour sessions where a psychiatrist helps you learn to change the way you think about certain things. Probably the best thing you can do, you can't read people's posts on here and think oh I feel so much better I no longer care about people's opinions of me.
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx
Wig44.
14-07-2010, 10:09 PM
imo if caring about other people's opinions gets to you really badly and so does all this paranoia etc then you should ask a doctor about CBT. Weekly 1 hour sessions where a psychiatrist helps you learn to change the way you think about certain things. Probably the best thing you can do, you can't read people's posts on here and think oh I feel so much better I no longer care about people's opinions of me.
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx
My dad is a CBT and if what I posted doesn't help you I can recommend CBT. For instance, write down a list of good things about you. Keep it with you and add things whenever possible. Focus on these things. Write down your life goals, and short term goals, even tiny ones. Tick them off as you go. These types of thing can work wonders on the mind. Evaluate your sitaution. How do you feel? Answer. Why? Answer? Has it occured to you that X was never happening, but caused you to Y, leading to X happening in reality? Etc. I'd need your answers to make sense ofc.
FlyingJesus
15-07-2010, 04:18 PM
I think he was being sarcastic?
Nope
How do I learn to not care about other peoples opinions
The first thing you have to do:
Stop caring what other people think.
The HxF doctors work their magic once again!
Stephen
15-07-2010, 05:09 PM
best treatment since 2k4
Wig44.
15-07-2010, 07:26 PM
Nope
The HxF doctors work their magic once again!
Gz you learned how to quote out of context!!!!!1!!11!
I guess a metro like you wouldn't understand.
Becca
15-07-2010, 07:38 PM
I don't really know the answer to this, I was already like it, so yeah.
FlyingJesus
15-07-2010, 09:58 PM
Gz you learned how to quote out of context!!!!!1!!11!
I guess a metro like you wouldn't understand.
It's not out of context at all it's exactly what you said, and I'm not entirely sure how calling me a metro is insulting but yes, I do understand such basic psychology as lying to yourself. I also know that although it gets surface results, it solves absolutely no deep-rooted self image problems.
Wig44.
15-07-2010, 10:05 PM
It's not out of context at all it's exactly what you said, and I'm not entirely sure how calling me a metro is insulting but yes, I do understand such basic psychology as lying to yourself. I also know that although it gets surface results, it solves absolutely no deep-rooted self image problems.
Yes, not out of context at all, you just snipped out the rest of my answer. Lying to yourself? It is a change of mindset, the outside reflects within. As your external body language, vocal projection and what you say changes, so people respond differently. This then MAKES you more confident. I suppose that eluded you though? And deep-rooted self image problems (not that this is one..) are more serious than something you can treat with self-help and require professional help. I like the way you resort to a straw man. As for metro being an insult - I think men who are scared to embrace their testosterone are pretty pathetic so..
I await your next straw man.
FlyingJesus
15-07-2010, 10:26 PM
Not quoting an entire post is not the same as taking things out of context.
It is lying to yourself, because clearly Paul is not a confident man or he wouldn't have felt the need to ask for help on this topic. Whatever the end result, there is no way you can seriously say that this method doesn't begin with lying to oneself, so no that wasn't a straw man, unlike your reference to my lifestyle - and nice going with that by the way, making strained attempts to belittle someone in a thread about not caring what others think, very defensive of you. Unfortunately according to your own doctrine I have to believe that you must seek my approval and not the other way around, so in the spirit of taking part I don't think I'll let your (inaccurate) opinion do much to change me. Your attacks are quite amusing though so do try again, however I'm rather of the mindset that men who are too weak and primitive to control their testosterone are pretty pathetic, so don't try too hard or get too much more angry.
u mad^
and yeah you just got to learn to deal with it.
I used to get quite pissed when people used to talk **** behind my back now i'm like if they haven't
got the sack to say it to my face then its awwlll goooood
but we all opinionize and judge so yeah
Wig44.
16-07-2010, 12:18 AM
Not quoting an entire post is not the same as taking things out of context.
It is lying to yourself, because clearly Paul is not a confident man or he wouldn't have felt the need to ask for help on this topic. Whatever the end result, there is no way you can seriously say that this method doesn't begin with lying to oneself, so no that wasn't a straw man, unlike your reference to my lifestyle - and nice going with that by the way, making strained attempts to belittle someone in a thread about not caring what others think, very defensive of you. Unfortunately according to your own doctrine I have to believe that you must seek my approval and not the other way around, so in the spirit of taking part I don't think I'll let your (inaccurate) opinion do much to change me. Your attacks are quite amusing though so do try again, however I'm rather of the mindset that men who are too weak and primitive to control their testosterone are pretty pathetic, so don't try too hard or get too much more angry.
It absolutely is in this case.. How on earth is that not quoting out of context? Obviously what you quoted will not make anywhere near as much sense when quoted alone as compared to with the rest of my 'doctrine'.
Your assumption that I cannot control my testosterone and my emotions are amusing and inaccurate. If you would like to cast judgement, please do so accurately. I'm not trying hard nor getting angry, quite the opposite - I swear I will lose all faith in humanity soon. Furthermore, I'd hate to change you - too great a source of amusement. As to trying to belittle you, how so? I've not threatened you once. And on to the major issue - lying to yourself.. You become confident through a positive feedback loop. You look at why you are not confident (caring what people think) you rationalise this (why does it matter, they won't remember you, caring what people think is only going to make you scared of rejection) you realise how pointless it was and stop caring/whatever. This is, essentially confidence, and because of this change in mindset you will act differently too, changing people's interactions wit hyou for the better, boosting confidence. As I said, a positive feedback loop. Lying to yourself would be saying 'I'm beautiful this way' and being a fat 300lbs loser who obviously isn't.
FlyingJesus
16-07-2010, 12:47 AM
It absolutely is in this case.. How on earth is that not quoting out of context? Obviously what you quoted will not make anywhere near as much sense when quoted alone as compared to with the rest of my 'doctrine'.
The rest of the post is in essence a follow-up to the opening statement. Out of context would be if I were to cut out half a sentence to entirely change the meaning.
Your assumption that I cannot control my testosterone and my emotions are amusing and inaccurate. If you would like to cast judgement, please do so accurately.
We're joined today by my good friend hypocrisy, hello!
As to trying to belittle you, how so? I've not threatened you once.
Threats have nothing to do with belittlement. Your strange idea that I'm scared of being manly for some reason was clearly meant to belittle me as a person as it has nothing to do with the actual topic.
And on to the major issue - lying to yourself.. You become confident through a positive feedback loop. You look at why you are not confident (caring what people think) you rationalise this (why does it matter, they won't remember you, caring what people think is only going to make you scared of rejection) you realise how pointless it was and stop caring/whatever. This is, essentially confidence, and because of this change in mindset you will act differently too, changing people's interactions wit hyou for the better, boosting confidence. As I said, a positive feedback loop. Lying to yourself would be saying 'I'm beautiful this way' and being a fat 300lbs loser who obviously isn't.
Caring what other people think doesn't make you unconfident, and is in fact central to confidence anyhow. Your own method seems to agree with that at least, as you say that part of this loop (and indeed the part which seems to make it a loop at all rather than a singularity) is how other people react to your change in manner. Unless one is mentally damaged in a certain way then as human beings we will always care about the opinions of others, and that's not a bad thing like the ultra-liberal youth of today seem to believe - wanting to be accepted is fine and makes you human. Whether your theory works or not I won't comment on as I've never needed to try it, but it does still depend on a lie to work.
cool story bro
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
Stephen
16-07-2010, 11:21 AM
u mad^
and yeah you just got to learn to deal with it.
I used to get quite pissed when people used to talk **** behind my back now i'm like if they haven't
got the sack to say it to my face then its awwlll goooood
but we all opinionize and judge so yeah
cool story bro
Someone just learnt some memes. Well done!
Have a medal (http://www.haveamedal.co.uk/4597.html)
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
Someone just learnt some memes. Well done!
Have a medal (http://www.haveamedal.co.uk/4597.html)
obvious troll is obvious.
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
Stephen
16-07-2010, 02:18 PM
I think you've got that wrong.. People are meant to be saying that about you, you don't say that..
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
I think you've got that wrong.. People are meant to be saying that about you, you don't say that..
nice abuse in post a picture brah
i liked the part when you posted pics.
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
Stephen
16-07-2010, 04:09 PM
Aww so desperate for comeback that you're using a 2 year old thing to insult me xxx
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
still no pics damn firefox must be broken
so desperate for comeback u insult cumbak!!!!1
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
Catzsy
16-07-2010, 04:52 PM
Not everybody likes everybody and quite honestly most of the time you can put it down to where it comes from. As long as you don't get sucked into it as well. If you feel hurt when somebody says anything nasty then it shows you are a person with feelings and empathy - it is not a fault. It is their problem for being nasty in the first place. Try to rise above it.
Stephen
16-07-2010, 11:58 PM
still no pics damn firefox must be broken
so desperate for comeback u insult cumbak!!!!1
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
"lol at like wasting 5 mins to find that link - winner you"
Dude it's called haveamedal.co.uk and is the first result when you search have a medal on google. -rep troll fail?
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
"lol at like wasting 5 mins to find that link - winner you"
Dude it's called haveamedal.co.uk and is the first result when you search have a medal on google. -rep troll fail?
u mad brah
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
PaulMacC
17-07-2010, 09:16 AM
u mad brah
http://cdn.nahright.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/umad.jpg
Wig44.
17-07-2010, 10:33 AM
u mad brah
COME AT ME BRO!!!!!!!
USE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
awww yeahhh
Edited by Mr-Trainor (Forum Super Moderator): please do not post pointlessly.
Want to hide these adverts? Register an account for free!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.