Your relationships and your sexuality

[Casanova]

I was just thinking after a discussion with a friend about how people have taken my sexuality, and how it has sculpted or destroyed relationships.

How have you found people treat you after you came out?
Have you felt your family life has changed since you have came out?
Have you lost any relationships, or gained?

Or...

Are you still uncomfortable to admit to others your sexuality? if so, why?
Do you feel you need to hide your feelings because it make effect others or how you are treated?





Myself personally, I've had virtually no trouble. My family have taken it okay considering the tough crowd I need to play to! My dad still has issues. He doesn't mention it much unless he's drunk, normally asking if I'm in a relationship and why I won't go and speak to girls because he knows they like me. He is still in the belief I'm not gay because "It's not rippin' out of you".

His rules are:
- No sugar daddies.
- No one is allowed home, even if I pay my way (which I do).

Some of the outer family have just discovered. It's a novelty for some. Whereas some people don't like it mentioned. My older cousins (at a family event) walked off when my Aunt started discussing it. Being honest I understand, she didn't gather much tact!

I thought I'd create this thread because in life gays/lesbians or bisexuals still seem to carry a stigma or a controversy. Which is unfair. My outlook is - I don't ask you what you do in your bedroom, so why discuss who or what I do in mine ;).

[Special]

i chose 'i haven't came out' even though it's pretty obvious i am gay

then again i'm not really sure why i haven't came out.... maybe i'm worried about my familys response

[flatface]

A few people have treated me differently. One person that really kinda hurt me was my previous best mate, we were like brothers but don't really talk anymore.

My family treat me exactly the same as they did before. I've always been really close to my mum and shes always been really supportive about everything and treats my boyfriend like her own son which is great, don't speak to my dad sooooo.

[Casanova]

A lot of the time you find when there's an elephant in the room the easiest thing to do is to ignore it. And I think that's what everyone's doing in your case, Jarvis?
And flatface that's great. My old best mate done the exact same thing, which irritated me. He was fine with it for months until our group found out. He pretended he never knew and then hated me ever since!

[chantellehugs]

I have a friend who's a year older than me, and he recently came out that he was bisexual, I personally had no problem with it, he's still the same person to me. But because of that, people at school have started being really mean. Like a gang of year 8's came up to him and started shouting abuse and taunting him, but he just ignored them.
A lot of his friends were girls anyway, so nothing's changed with them, but this guy who's in my year used to hang out and chat with him lots, but since finding out he was bisexual he ignores him, makes a face when I say hello when we pass each other in the corridor or joins in with the taunting.
In my opinion, the friends you lose when you come out about your sexuality never were your real friends, because they shouldn't let something like that come between you. Sexuality is a way of life, and I think that some people won't accept it.

[Special]

I have a friend who's a year older than me, and he recently came out that he was bisexual, I personally had no problem with it, he's still the same person to me. But because of that, people at school have started being really mean. Like a gang of year 8's came up to him and started shouting abuse and taunting him, but he just ignored them.
A lot of his friends were girls anyway, so nothing's changed with them, but this guy who's in my year used to hang out and chat with him lots, but since finding out he was bisexual he ignores him, makes a face when I say hello when we pass each other in the corridor or joins in with the taunting.
In my opinion, the friends you lose when you come out about your sexuality never were your real friends, because they shouldn't let something like that come between you. Sexuality is a way of life, and I think that some people won't accept it.

this is basically the reason i didn't come out during my school years

[beth]

my best friend is quite obviously gay and came out to his dad a few months back, when drunk.
his dad basically shrugged it off as a 'sick joke' and told him that if he told his mom 'it would kill her'.

it completely crushed him, and i find it bizarre that they can't accept it, because he is very obviously gay.
i guess the truth is hard to swallow.

i feel sososo bad for him, he's such a lovely guy and for his own father to say that to him just cause of his sexuality. arghhh.

[Casanova]

I never came out during School. In my school i never really seen anyone getting any abuse for being gay. But no one was really "out".
As for the "way of life" comment, it's not really a choice. My lifestyle is a choice, not my sexuality, my looks or my way of thinking. of course I can influence all three, but some things are innate.

Publicized, your friend may be camp (for some reason camp people irritate me lmao), but he could still be straight. Being camp is in no way connected to being gay. As for his father, he's a harsh *******. Some people just hide under a rock.

[Keri?!]

I'm bisexual myself.
I've only really come out to my mum, that was really hard. When I told her, I was so scared of what she would think. I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't tell her because she obviously had the right to know. I only really have my mother so I didn't want her to think any different of me. She honestly didn't mind when I told her which really surprised me, we don't really bring it up or talk about it now though.
People in my school found out when it got spread around because I was dating a girl from school but that's in the past and I think everyone has forgotten if I'm honest, obviously at this point, my friends found it and they don't mind at all, I'm glad I have those friends tbh cause I don't know what I'd do without them aha!

Nothing's changed at all, I am who I am. It doesn't effect my way of life and if anything, it made my friendship stronger with my friends.

[beth]

I never came out during School. In my school i never really seen anyone getting any abuse for being gay. But no one was really "out".
As for the "way of life" comment, it's not really a choice. My lifestyle is a choice, not my sexuality, my looks or my way of thinking. of course I can influence all three, but some things are innate.

Publicized, your friend may be camp (for some reason camp people irritate me lmao), but he could still be straight. Being camp is in no way connected to being gay. As for his father, he's a harsh *******. Some people just hide under a rock.

i didn't mean camp, though he is exceedingly.
i just mean all the signs would point to him being gay, all the obvious pointers: no interest in girls, friends generally all being female, bringing random boys back to the house (LOL).

[immense]

i pretty much have no friends since i came out

[TAYLOOOOR]

I came out when I was 15, I'm 17 now and happily in a long relationship with my boyfriend :D ... Nothing has changed luckily, My Mum is happy as long as I'm happy...As well for the rest of the family, it was great. It weren't a big deal as they all said they knew as I'm pretty camp. My friends said it was obvious and yeah anyone elses opinions I couldn't give a **** about :P

So I've had it lucky... My boyfriends family are very accepting however he has had a lot of 'friends' in the past that have labeled him as their 'gay best friend' ... They only started talking and wanting to him when he came out ... He has now got rid of the fake friends ... The ones that forever asked him to find them a boyfriend & to go shopping.

Just because we're gay, It doesn't mean we want to be put into the stereotype.

Yeah we walk down the streets holding hands... We're proud to be who we are. We're in love...Like any other couple in love.

<3

[CreditCardDebt]

a few friends kinda drifted after, but then i cam to realize that they weren't real friends...

[Casanova]

Lmao a revolving door then publicised?
And i think now it's all getting better. I don't know many people who are militant homophobic - abusive etc. Some people keep it in, and you can notice it. Like my Dad's mates. Only one or two know but if something remotely gay comes on the conversation they just clam up! And Immense are you even gay?

[samsaBEAR]

my best friend is quite obviously gay and came out to his dad a few months back, when drunk.
his dad basically shrugged it off as a 'sick joke' and told him that if he told his mom 'it would kill her'.

it completely crushed him, and i find it bizarre that they can't accept it, because he is very obviously gay.
i guess the truth is hard to swallow.

i feel sososo bad for him, he's such a lovely guy and for his own father to say that to him just cause of his sexuality. arghhh.


I never came out during School. In my school i never really seen anyone getting any abuse for being gay. But no one was really "out".
As for the "way of life" comment, it's not really a choice. My lifestyle is a choice, not my sexuality, my looks or my way of thinking. of course I can influence all three, but some things are innate.

Publicized, your friend may be camp (for some reason camp people irritate me lmao), but he could still be straight. Being camp is in no way connected to being gay. As for his father, he's a harsh *******. Some people just hide under a rock.
If we're talking about Pete here my lord he's gay as the day is long, there is nothing straight about him. I don't get how you couldn't like Pete regardless of him being gay or not, he's such a nice guy

[FlyingJesus]

I tell people I'm gay when I'm not so they let me touch them

[Casanova]

I don't get it. D'you mean women bring down their guards if you pretend to be gay?

[FlyingJesus]

*REMOVED*

Edited by Bolt660 (Forum Super Moderator): Please do not target other forum members.

[leah]

A few people have treated me differently. One person that really kinda hurt me was my previous best mate, we were like brothers but don't really talk anymore.

My family treat me exactly the same as they did before. I've always been really close to my mum and shes always been really supportive about everything and treats my boyfriend like her own son which is great, don't speak to my dad sooooo.

so what lol he was HOT ;) andddddddd kaz was devastated lol don't tell lies!!!

everyone treats me the same lol

[Con]

I chose "Nothings changed" but I haven't exactly came out to everyone.
I came out to all my close friends, and most of the others suspect I'm slightly 'bent', even some of them say things like "you and him make such a good couple" etc. about my boyfriend even though they don't know we're together :L
My mum has been a bit weird since I told her, but shes basically okay with it.
I'm planning on never telling my Dad, at least not until I move out or he changes alot. Simply because it is very likely he'll kick me out :)
The rest of my family, half I'm sure would be fine, the other half I'm completely unsure about :(

[Inseriousity.]

Are you still uncomfortable to admit to others your sexuality? if so, why?
Do you feel you need to hide your feelings because it make effect others or how you are treated?

I've been a bit more open about it lately 'jokingly' flirting with a shop assistant. However, I haven't come out of the closet as they say and have no intention of doing it either. Because I'm bi, it's probably easier. The reason I'm staying in the closet is because my dad is really homophobic. I assumed it was an 'old generation' thing but we were watching eastenders and christian and syed were kissing and my dad was like 'eurgh thats sick' and my nana/granddad were saying 'its their choice, why should it bother you so much' so obviously not! So if I was to come out, I imagine 95% of my family would be alright with it with a small minority not happy at all - unfortunately, it's the small minority that have the power to chuck me out the house!

[Casanova]

I believe you're wrong. I thought the same with my dad and he dealt with it. And the worse that happens is you have to stand on your own feet yourself, that's not necessarily a bad thing ;).

Says the guy still living at home paying digs!

[Inseriousity.]

Your dad isn't my dad (LOLOL that's not meant to sound creepy) though and everyone deals with things differently. I think:

"if you were gay, id disown you"

is a big enough incentive to stay in my warm closet. I don't think anything will change my mind unless I just happen to find 'the one' and he's a boy. I haven't yet. :)