I'm worried about coming out! +REP

[Imosae]

Hi there,

I've been worried about coming for a number of days/months/years now don't laugh or post any random crap but if i come out as you know gay which i think i am i think people will judge me? Have you experienced coming out as gay/bi before if so please post below!
However i have plenty of friends mainly my college friends which who will get shocked/lol or how they could take it or anything around those edges, so if you could help me out that would be very greatful of yous'.

if i have missed anything out but i do i will make sure to add it

+rep for all answers! :D

EDIT: How should i tell my parents this news?

[kuzkasate]

First, try telling a close friend/family member, they will understand.
Then, once you've told one person, it'll be easier to tell others and if anyone says anything, you are who you are, you cant change that, so people need to get over it I suppose.

Good luck and dont rush things, take it step by step.

[RandomManJay]

It's pretty much how TanyaaTurner has described it. You should tell someone who you feel will be the most accepting or trusting about the issue, then tell it to more people until you feel comfortable enough to let everyone know. Some of my friends who have come out have only come out to their friends, and not their family as their opinions of them matter the most.

The simple thing is that its usually never as bad as you imagine, and in the end, like Tanya said, you are who and what you are, and you can't and shouldn't try to change yourself, not for anyone.

Also remember, your sexuality does not define who you are, and those who believe that it does are ignorant and blind.

[gangstaagent1]

I was worried like this when I halfway came out.

I started to fancy someone ALOT back in grade 7 (I DNO WHAT YEAR IS IT) and by the end of grade 8, I couldn't stand it anymroe so I told him that I fancied him. Nothing changed or anything we was still really good friends but then it became easier as Arthur said to come out to certain people. I have came out to almost my whole school and things are great to be honest. At first it was abit weird because everyone would question you etc when you walked by but once everyone knew it was quite the experience. The thing that I also have trouble with is coming out to my parents. If your parents are homophobic like mine I don't think you should tell them just yet. I don't plan on ever telling my parents as when I'm 18 I'm going to move out and lose contact coz tbh I hate them alot. But anyways just I say take it slow and just don't over do yourself with what you decide to do :) Someone will always be there to fall back on being gay or straight.

[Frodo13.]

I don't see why people actually need to come out. You don't come out as straight do you?!?! This is exactly the same.

[dbgtz]

Yeah you could just let it happen to some extent, like hint at it rather then saying youre gay. Then if someone asks say yeah? Something like that maybe.

[luce]

I don't see why people actually need to come out. You don't come out as straight do you?!?! This is exactly the same.

yeah but it's not though is it because it's not seen as normal (i'm not being mean i am talking as modern day society). It's exactly the same as religion, everyone used to be christian and now all of a sudden it's like a crime?! The majority are straight so then the minority are looked down on and thought as weird. That's how it is unfortunately, so yeah it's not exactly the same or there wouldn't be this problem.

Anyway on the question, if i was needing to come out, i woudl tell a really close friend, then maybe a sibling (if you have one) above your parents? Because i think they're always more understanding and then you have their backing when you go into tell your parents. It also depends where you parents stand on it. Like my family and I are all Christians so it wouldn't go down well at all if for some unknown reason i was to get with a girl.

Although i think they one way i would do it is that i would just wait until I got a Girlfriend (boyfriend in your case) and then break it to the family that way. Also by doing this you are sure you are gay because you like someone enough to enter into a relationship with them.

[Imosae]

yeah but it's not though is it because it's not seen as normal (i'm not being mean i am talking as modern day society). It's exactly the same as religion, everyone used to be christian and now all of a sudden it's like a crime?! The majority are straight so then the minority are looked down on and thought as weird. That's how it is unfortunately, so yeah it's not exactly the same or there wouldn't be this problem.

Anyway on the question, if i was needing to come out, i woudl tell a really close friend, then maybe a sibling (if you have one) above your parents? Because i think they're always more understanding and then you have their backing when you go into tell your parents. It also depends where you parents stand on it. Like my family and I are all Christians so it wouldn't go down well at all if for some unknown reason i was to get with a girl.

Although i think they one way i would do it is that i would just wait until I got a Girlfriend (boyfriend in your case) and then break it to the family that way. Also by doing this you are sure you are gay because you like someone enough to enter into a relationship with them.

In that case what if i don't get one will i have to do the same as you said and break it to the family and friends?
Thank for very much for all of your kind advice everybody.

[luce]

In that case what if i don't get one will i have to do the same as you said and break it to the family and friends?
Thank for very much for all of your kind advice everybody.

Yeah that is the flaw in my plan, i think then you would have to go to plan B which is basically just tell people who you're closest to and then working out like Best Friend > Close family > extended family > closeish friends > everyone else or something

[Imosae]

Also one other question i forgot to add is that will it be easier to tell them over via. social networking or in real life depending how comfortable i am on telling them all. Because i don't want to look 'daft' in a uncomfortable position thats all really.

[RandomManJay]

I'd probably say it will be better to come out in real life as opposed to social networking. In a way it might just make it weird as the situation in real life will still happen as you'll have to face them sometime, and it might seem worse if your family and friends don't appreciate the fact that you revealed something this personal to them over the internet instead of face-to-face.

But I really don't know what it would be like, you could try searching around to see if there are any coming out stories like that, or maybe there's someone on this forum whose done that.


Also one other question i forgot to add is that will it be easier to tell them over via. social networking or in real life depending how comfortable i am on telling them all. Because i don't want to look 'daft' in a uncomfortable position thats all really.

[Imosae]

I'd probably say it will be better to come out in real life as opposed to social networking. In a way it might just make it weird as the situation in real life will still happen as you'll have to face them sometime, and it might seem worse if your family and friends don't appreciate the fact that you revealed something this personal to them over the internet instead of face-to-face.

But I really don't know what it would be like, you could try searching around to see if there are any coming out stories like that, or maybe there's someone on this forum whose done that.

I think i've found the perfect website but once again thank you for your advice.
Would like a lot more advice from other peoples thoughts like :D.

[Ardemax]

If you've got a close best friend, then imo it's good to start with that. A friend of a friend is gay and it all started when they told their best friend, who kept quiet until it was ready to tell more people and everyone. You can get a lot of advice from the people close to you, and they will be the ones that understand the most.

[Narnat,]

Telling your parents can be the hardest part. I helped one of my friends come clean to their parents. If you get your parents when they are in a good mood and sit them down saying you want to talk to them about something. However if you don't want to do it face to face then you can write them a letter or even a phone call! Good luck!

[Imosae]

Sorry for the bump but anymore advice?

[Grippz]

How do you think your parents will react? You know them better than anyone so that's a question you need to ask yourself before you go and tell them. As for telling your friends, if they judge you or start to hate on you then quite clearly they were never your friends in the first place. If that does happen, don't speak to them again. Simples!

Good luck!

[TAYLOOOOR]

I came out three years ago :) ... Nothing changed. I told my sister, She told my parents however they weren't suprised... :L Mum said to tell her something she didn't know. The people that you mean a lot too and the ones that mean a lot to you are bound to 'accept' and approve of what you tell them... Your sexuality shouldn't have an impact on your friendship etc...

I've had no problems, Once you come out it feels like the worlds been lifted off your shoulders (Y) ....

x

[karter]

Telling friends is the best option rather than parents tbh x

[Richie]

I was worried like this when I halfway came out.

I started to fancy someone ALOT back in grade 7 (I DNO WHAT YEAR IS IT) and by the end of grade 8, I couldn't stand it anymroe so I told him that I fancied him. Nothing changed or anything we was still really good friends but then it became easier as Arthur said to come out to certain people. I have came out to almost my whole school and things are great to be honest. At first it was abit weird because everyone would question you etc when you walked by but once everyone knew it was quite the experience. The thing that I also have trouble with is coming out to my parents. If your parents are homophobic like mine I don't think you should tell them just yet. I don't plan on ever telling my parents as when I'm 18 I'm going to move out and lose contact coz tbh I hate them alot. But anyways just I say take it slow and just don't over do yourself with what you decide to do :) Someone will always be there to fall back on being gay or straight.

Fair enough that's great advice but saying you hate your parents is a horrible thing to say, your alive until this day so your parents must be taken care of you & doing something right. Your parents brought you into this world, take the smallest things they have done / do for you into consideration. Stuff like this annoys me, how one can say they hate another who raised them. You will take them for granted until you actually lose them.

[immense]

hiiiiiya :) basically, coming out is the hardest and most rewarding thing ever, from experience. i told friends and my step-sister first, who told all of her mates and my sister. i was drunk and she was telling me things about her life and i thought hold on... i'm going to tell her, it came so naturally and it got so much easier from there on in. i don't recommend doing it over social networking sites or over the phone. i think the best way is face to face, don't make a big deal out of it.

"hiya, i have something to tell you, i'm gay" and wait for the reaction. when i first tried i was like "i want to tell you something that might change things forever" and played it up way too much and then was unable to say because it was unbearably awkward.

at the end of the day we all have our different way of doing things and all i can say for sure is that by thinking about coming out you're undoubtedly on the right track! best of luck and if you have any questions reply here or pm me and i'll try and help because i know how ******* hard it is!

[Minstrels]

hiiiiiya :) basically, coming out is the hardest and most rewarding thing ever, from experience. i told friends and my step-sister first, who told all of her mates and my sister. i was drunk and she was telling me things about her life and i thought hold on... i'm going to tell her, it came so naturally and it got so much easier from there on in. i don't recommend doing it over social networking sites or over the phone. i think the best way is face to face, don't make a big deal out of it.

"hiya, i have something to tell you, i'm gay" and wait for the reaction. when i first tried i was like "i want to tell you something that might change things forever" and played it up way too much and then was unable to say because it was unbearably awkward.

at the end of the day we all have our different way of doing things and all i can say for sure is that by thinking about coming out you're undoubtedly on the right track! best of luck and if you have any questions reply here or pm me and i'll try and help because i know how ******* hard it is!
A throwaway comment like that has a totally different meaning in a thread like this.

Edited by dinasaw (Forum Super Moderator): Please do not post off-topic.

[immense]

hahahah only you matty :love3:

Edited by dinasaw (Forum Super Moderator): Please do not post pointlessly.

[Imosae]

Thank you very much immense i will do :)
...oh and other members - all +rep'ed

[Etc]

I'm Straight, however one of my best mates is gay. He came out during schoolies (Where everyone goes off to party when school ends). It took him several drinks but he told me first, to see how i'd react. I was fine with it, as i'd known him for 6 years, and it wouldn't change anythinggg. After he knew I was cool with it, he told everyone else.

He hasn't told his parents yet, but his sisters know, but hes having a good time which is good.

[Imosae]

I'm Straight, however one of my best mates is gay. He came out during schoolies (Where everyone goes off to party when school ends). It took him several drinks but he told me first, to see how i'd react. I was fine with it, as i'd known him for 6 years, and it wouldn't change anythinggg. After he knew I was cool with it, he told everyone else.

He hasn't told his parents yet, but his sisters know, but hes having a good time which is good.

I think i would be in the same position, interesting storys read a couple of times on how to come out as a 'gay' i read a few over the past couple of weeks while reading all of your advice and seem very helpful and makes me understand how hard coming out as a gay boy it is - i'll let you all know right on this thread or another thread that i could make seperate to this one.

Thank you EddyMate +rep

EDIT: If anybody else here is gay/straight/bi no matter what sex you are please give me more advice as i dont want to read them of advice sites other than HxF of course although they can be helpful at times :D

[Etc]

No problem mate, but I can understand what you are going through. It would/will take a LOT of courage when you finally do come out.. something I'm not even sure i'd be able to bring myself to do without lots of thought.

But yeah, I suggest starting with a best mate to instill confidence

[Imosae]

No problem mate, but I can understand what you are going through. It would/will take a LOT of courage when you finally do come out.. something I'm not even sure i'd be able to bring myself to do without lots of thought.

But yeah, I suggest starting with a best mate to instill confidence

That was what i was thinking since i have a bi friend although im gay and hes not but its worth asking

also how shall i say that im gay but not to make me sound stupid?

[rnix]

You don't have to come out as straight so why do it if you are gay.
You don't have to tell your parents. I haven't, and things are perfect at the moment. :)
Just come out when you are truly ready and have the guts and pretty much when the hell you want too. =)

[Imosae]

Once again thank you so much for all of your advice +rep'ed :D

[Deak]

I havent experienced this but i know people who are gay and my advice is to wait until that right moment when you are alone with your parents... you never know some parents already know and pick up little signs... and be truthful and open with them.

I dont know what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but im sure that they will be ok with it as most parents just want the best for their kids.

[1cred]

You shouldn't really care what people think, you is you. Tell your closest family member, and they will give you advice. Don't be scared, everyones different,if they can't understand you, they must not know the real you. Your confident to tell us, just imgain when your telling the first person, its like posting on the forum ;) ! ha xx goodluck, and take it easy, step by step is always best.

[qaxzsw]

Hello!

Firstly you've obviously done the first step, coming out to yourself. I would deffinatley say, make sure you are 100% you are gay, bi or whatever. I actually came out last week to my best friend who is bisexual but she was actually in denial at first.

Example of our convosation

Me: I have to tell you something
Friend: What
Me: Well I think you know
Friend: is it a secret?
Me: Yes, kinda
Friend: What then?
Me: You already asked me about it...
Friend: Realllly :O
Me: Yes, what do you think I am talking about?
Friend: You being gay?!

Then they went on to repeatidly asking me if I was joking. She supports me and promised not to tell anyone, till I'm ready, and it deffinatley makes me feel alot better, knowing someone else knows, who I trust. Your friend/relative or whoever you decide to tell might ask alot of questions at first, 'Are you sure?', or 'Is this a phase or something?', obviously it might be a shock for some people, but if your overly camp it might be a bit obvious. I felt sick just before saying it and took a massive pause, but once you say it, I think you will feel releived. Take it one step at a time, My plan is to tell my friends one by one, then hopefully family, It is gonna take a while to build up the confidence obviously, but hopefully once it's high enough, I will be able to do it.

Good luck :D
Jack

[Imosae]

Hello!

Firstly you've obviously done the first step, coming out to yourself. I would deffinatley say, make sure you are 100% you are gay, bi or whatever. I actually came out last week to my best friend who is bisexual but she was actually in denial at first.

Example of our convosation

Me: I have to tell you something
Friend: What
Me: Well I think you know
Friend: is it a secret?
Me: Yes, kinda
Friend: What then?
Me: You already asked me about it...
Friend: Realllly :O
Me: Yes, what do you think I am talking about?
Friend: You being gay?!

Then they went on to repeatidly asking me if I was joking. She supports me and promised not to tell anyone, till I'm ready, and it deffinatley makes me feel alot better, knowing someone else knows, who I trust. Your friend/relative or whoever you decide to tell might ask alot of questions at first, 'Are you sure?', or 'Is this a phase or something?', obviously it might be a shock for some people, but if your overly camp it might be a bit obvious. I felt sick just before saying it and took a massive pause, but once you say it, I think you will feel releived. Take it one step at a time, My plan is to tell my friends one by one, then hopefully family, It is gonna take a while to build up the confidence obviously, but hopefully once it's high enough, I will be able to do it.

Good luck :D
Jack

Thats a good way to put a conversation thank you by the way did you try not to sound daft or whatever the word is to make sure you where not joking (?) :P So i can take the advice on board but i guess it's a thing to keep asking questions plus a question for all do you feel any better once coming out (everyone has different opinions) :)

+rep

[Technologic]

Friends first, family second. thats the way i did it

[Apple]

Before you do it, are you sure that you are not just confused or going through a phase which could be to do with a variety of different things seeing as though you are in your teens. You would regret it so much if you came out and then got to 20 and realised you didn't like other blokes. I am just trying to save you all the hassle, there is someone in my school who was once gay. Apparently he came out in year 8 and now in year 10 has a girlfriend and says he was just confused. I don't think he got bullied about it or anything so there would be no reason for him to lie and say he is straight again. So just be sure about it first and maybe try to flirt around with a hot girl to see if you actually like it as a last resort. Good luck! :)

Edit: If you are truly gay then we may have some difficulties with the finding a hot girl ting, sorry I didn't realise. :P

[Imosae]

Before you do it, are you sure that you are not just confused or going through a phase which could be to do with a variety of different things seeing as though you are in your teens. You would regret it so much if you came out and then got to 20 and realised you didn't like other blokes. I am just trying to save you all the hassle, there is someone in my school who was once gay. Apparently he came out in year 8 and now in year 10 has a girlfriend and says he was just confused. I don't think he got bullied about it or anything so there would be no reason for him to lie and say he is straight again. So just be sure about it first and maybe try to flirt around with a hot girl to see if you actually like it as a last resort. Good luck! :)

Edit: If you are truly gay then we may have some difficulties with the finding a hot girl ting, sorry I didn't realise. :P

Nah i liked guys all my life but didnt feel comfortable but now thanks to you 'folks' i think i feel nearly a bit out ;)
Thanks and +rep

[HotelUser]

I could never imagine on any magnitude discussing something so personal with my parents, let alone telling them if I wasn't straight. I think a general awkwardness would loom viciously over the house for some time after that :P

[Imosae]

I could never imagine on any magnitude discussing something so personal with my parents, let alone telling them if I wasn't straight. I think a general awkwardness would loom viciously over the house for some time after that :P

yeah i dont think im not going to let them know

[Technologic]

yeah i dont think im not going to let them know

Build up your confidence by telling your friends and make it openly known. My whole year at sixth form knows and they also all know if they give me **** about it i'll punch them lol. I have a very blasé attitude towards it, I use it in a lot of my humour and people give me a lot of respect for being so open. The way I told my parents was when I got a boyfriend, i simply just went "I'm going out with a guy". I have extremely liberal parents who were more annoyed i hadn't told them earlier than anything but every family is different so it's up to you to judge when to tell

[Imosae]

Okay first of all thank you for all of your kind advice, it was really helpful! I took it all on board and now feel like its time as i think im comfortable as of now, so therefore in that case though i am glad to say that i've come out as a gay person now when a tell you this on here/online or whatever you may think i am a bit bonkers but im actually not because first of all i have told all of my friends and they were pretty shocked but me thinks that they knew i was a gay anyway in the first place but they where shocked. If thats a good thing, right? Although i didnt tell my family but still in the process of telling them as soon as possible as i dont think im ready to say to them yet as they might be a bit wierd about it then again once there in a happier sort of mood i think thats the moment when i'll tell my parents/family!

Now when i did come out which i have finally! It made me think that it built up my confidence a little bit more, i can definitely say that i like guys because i always have all my life but didnt have to courage to come out although i have been keeping that lie for some time now as well because i know how ''******* hard it is'' in immenses' words lol :P.

Thank you once again to everyone who posted in this thread, made me feel a bit more confident ALOT when coming fully out as a gay person.

:)

PS; +REP continues with even more words of advice although i have already came out but still its helpful at least for words of congratulations etc. lol. And also hope this makes sense to you.

[RandomManJay]

Some of what you wrote seemed a bit rushed, but well done on coming out :P, and glad to hear it went well. Just remember its usually the hardest coming out to your family because they're the ones you're closest to. So take it slow and prepare yourself. And the "feeling" you get when you're ready to come out can be different between different people, it may feel right for you to come out to your friends, but it may not feel right for you to come out to your family. So again take it slow, make sure the feeling's right, and make sure you enjoy the new openess to your lifestyle.

And good luck with your family!

[Imosae]

Some of what you wrote seemed a bit rushed, but well done on coming out :P, and glad to hear it went well. Just remember its usually the hardest coming out to your family because they're the ones you're closest to. So take it slow and prepare yourself. And the "feeling" you get when you're ready to come out can be different between different people, it may feel right for you to come out to your friends, but it may not feel right for you to come out to your family. So again take it slow, make sure the feeling's right, and make sure you enjoy the new openess to your lifestyle.

And good luck with your family!

Thanks man :D