Single Parents

[chantellehugs]

If you come from a single parent family, do you think having both parents around would have made you a different person? Also vice versa, if you've got both parents would you be different having only one?

For me it's very bittersweet, I think that only having one parent has made me a stronger person and more driven to have a good future. And it's also blessed me because when my old friends would go off and do stuff with boys I'd never do anything (not even sit by or talk to any of them) because I was so unfamiliar with males that it would make me really uncomfortable. Even now I'm not very good with guys, I worry that because I've never had a male influence I'll end up with a horrible guy who will cheat on me and then leave me and I'll never be able to find a good guy because I don't know what good guys do or how they act. Even now when any guy speaks to me in the back of my mind I'm questioning whether he's being sleazy or just normal.
It makes me sad when I think about not having a Dad, it's dawned on me that I'm never going to have a Dad who will love his family and take care of them. It's strange because in a way I miss having a Dad, but then I ask myself how I can miss what I've never had. I guess I miss what I imagine having a Dad would be like. Sometimes it sucks because I know that I'm not the only one missing something, my Mum is also missing someone who should be there to take some of the strain off and help her make decisions, someone who should be at her side.

[Casanova]

Not in the slightest.

My mum left when we were ten, our sister was seventeen (and had just moved out).

That left myself and my twin ourselves, we had our dad but he wasn't 'right' for a long time and he worked a lottttttt of hours in his job to support us and offer us the same lifestyle we were used to when it was him and my mother. This meant we still lived the same life, money every weekend to spend on ourselves, same house, same friends. It was to keep us stable.

What we did miss out on for a long time was any relationship with our dad and we never did go and see our mum after two years of trying.

I feel it's made us a lot stronger, we're extremely hard working, both earn more than what our mother ever did and my sister is married, her husband has his own business and she has my nephews. We're all the same family.

It has meant that I'm quite a bitter person though. I genuinely hate my mother and nothing will ever change that. I'm quite a forward (some see it as rude) person and this means that people think I'm cold. I am so stubborn it's unreal. I always don't trust anyone, at any choice. I assume this is from my mum's abuse of our trust and her leaving .

Also, my dad thinks i'm gay because I don't trust her (my mum) because he thinks I don't trust woman via the whole not trusting her... and that I resent woman :rolleyes:?

[Catchy]

yeah it would be different if both my parents lived together, they split up when I was about 14 but they're still really good friends so I guess that's a plus... When they lived together I was a spoilt brat and could demand anything I wanted and most of the time I'd probably get it... but now they've split that's all changed my mum only works part time as a midwife so income isn't GREAT but yeah it's enough just not enough for me to demand stuff but i guess i've grown out of that anyway as i have to stand on my own two feet anyway and i'll be moving out next tuesday, ah scary stuff!

[Stephen]

My dad left when I was really little but I don't think him still living here would change anything except make me scared to live with a wife beating ****

[Showder]

My dad and mom weren't married.
I'm a wedlock child , with my brother.
I have lived in a world of fighting and ******* swears.
I am ready to leave my home , because I'm tired of being accidently slashed with belts.

[Neversoft]

It's hard to say. My parents split up when I was about five and I have lived with my dad ever since and visit my mum every fortnight. I get on well with both my mum and dad and they're both brilliant parents. I think about it sometimes, but it's hard to imagine what life would be like if they were both still together, since I can't even remember what it was like when I was young. Really, I have only ever known what it's like living with one parent. Though my mum remarried and I have a step-dad, and when I stay over there with them and my brothers on my mums side, I feel more at ease. A full family atmosphere is nice and I feel left out having rarely experienced it.

I feel I get on a lot more with my mum, though that might just be because I don't see her much, but I see my dad all the time. I feel it's a lot easier to talk to my mum as well, it's a relief whenever I get to see her and I think she understands me a lot more than anyone else. I think if my parents were still together, I would be a more confident person and one with perhaps a more steady outlook and clear path in life. But these were the cards I was dealt and there's nothing I can do about it. Being haunted by that terrible "What if?" question is a horrible thing, so I often put it to the back of my mind and just get on with things as they are.

[BAMitsKristyy]

To this..It sorta in a way does change things..I mean yeah seeing my mom independent without my dad defineatly makes me learn how to be more independent and learn things that can help out things in the future...But we all know theres always a slight pain knowing one of your parents isnt in your life (some people/some times)..I see my dad about every once a year if im lucky and im not gonna lie when people ask me about my dad i sorta get that feeling of sadness in a way? if you get me..And yeah it does sorta change things in your life if you think about it..Althought I try as much as I can to not even think about the fact I have a dad in some way or another it comes up again and im like -_- But As I said things would probably be a slight different but not by much..I cant really tell as I havent been really able to see both sides due to the fact my dad left when i was about 6 and all I see now is the difference without being without him and only hearing from him once/twice a year if lucky..But I cant really tell for a fact weither it would be different or not.. xx

[-:Undertaker:-]

If you ask children of divorced or divorcing parents they will always say deep down that they would much rather Mummy and Daddy were back together. The usual excuse given by parents often divorcing for their own convenience is the 'Billy much prefers having two homes' - this is false, it is always used to justify to themselves [the parents] that their decision does not or did not affect their child/children.

I have noticed throughout school that the majority of troublemakers, children with troubles in general have been from broken families. It is not a good outcome and shouldn't be viewed upon as such. I myself am blessed by a family, something so many miss out upon today often thanks to the selfishness of parents who break up families based upon convenience by putting themselves before the children. Of course there are families which break up for real reasons such as abuse and so forth, but in many cases this is not the case as I have explained above.

I await the howls of outrage and yells from the cultural revolutionaries. :P

[buttons]

If you ask children of divorced or divorcing parents they will always say deep down that they would much rather Mummy and Daddy were back together. The usual excuse given by parents often divorcing for their own convenience is the 'Billy much prefers having two homes' - this is false, it is always used to justify to themselves [the parents] that their decision does not or did not affect their child/children.

I have noticed throughout school that the majority of troublemakers, children with troubles in general have been from broken families. It is not a
good outcome and shouldn't be viewed upon as such. I myself am blessed by a family, something so many miss out upon today often thanks to the selfishness of parents who break up families based upon convenience by putting themselves before the children. Of course there are families which break up for real reasons such as abuse and so forth, but in many cases this is not the case as I have explained above.



I await the howls of outrage and yells from the cultural revolutionaries. :P
you must be taking the piss, you can not generalize like that at all. i don't ever recall wishing my parents would get back together, i was happy to be able to see them both and they have a much better relationship now they're seperated. what sort of world are you living in where parent's use the excuse that the child prefers two homes? that is the first time i've ever heard that and quite honestly it sounds made up.

& you have to remember an 11 year old child whose parents seperate will have different views, experiences and behaviours to an 11 month old child
or an 18 year old. broken homes are not always single parent families but many are from a mother and father who don't get along. there are 'troubled' kids from every sort of background and it's more to do with the relationship you have with your parent's than the absence of one. i'm actually getting kind of annoyed with your idea of a perfect family and how blessed you are to have had one. i may have seperated parents (when i was 11) but i haven't really missed out at all, at least i was taught the importance of family which clearly you haven't. the 2 parent's and kids family is NOT the 'best' type and never has been so get that idea out of your head. remember, father's haven't stuck around in the past and thats the way it'll probably always be.


to answer the question and not get annoyed so early in the morning, i'm not sure how i would be different. i may not have such 'daddy syndrome' where i go for older guys to be treated like a dad should to their daughter but that could stem from always being spoiled my the elder males in my family. if anything it's made me stronger and maybe the reason why i'm less feminine but it's not a big deal. i still have a dad and he's happier with someone else and it's okay :S god how selfish of him to have a new gf n break up the family

[Showder]

Well yeah I must agree with statement above. =/

[Metric1]

Probably. If my parents were still together it defiantly would have changed my family dynamic quite a bit. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my dad moved back to Canada. My dad left my mom with everything they had and he started over again.. my mom never really worked so she had to make money some how to support her family. She started selling real-estate and she was very good at it. Being an estate-agent she was working all the time so I was left on my own a lot of the time. I learned how to take care of myself and I became very independent at a young age. Coming to university I've discovered that people who have been babied and have had everything done for them don't have a clue. I thought people knew how to make basic meals, do laundry, clean.. most people don't even know how to use the washing machine, let alone sort their clothes.. If my parents had stayed together I would have been one of those kids. I love my both of my parents but them splitting up was probably the best thing they've ever done!

[beth]

my parents split up last september when i was 20, my mom left the day i moved out to uni, so for a year living away in kent everything was very much the same for me. except it was a very volatile breakup (my mom had an affair) and my dad got very depressed and tried to kill himself, so in the end i've come back from uni to look after my 9 year old sister.

i definitely wish my parents were back together for selfish reasons, but i don't really. they had a terrible marriage, and my mom got out the only way she thought she could (which was wrong). i see my mom every weekday, she comes for 30mins - 1hr after my sister gets back from school, but she's not very involved with my life or my sisters anymore.

the messy breakup made me question a lot of things. and from an adult prospective rather than the 5 year old watching daddy leave. it made me question love and relationships and i know my opinion on other people isn't right and i do think the breakup influenced those feelings.

[Sharon]

If my parents split here are the two different senarios.

With my mum, I can't predict the future. She can change at any time good or bad, you never know what she'll do. With my dad he's quite a straightforward person, we'd probably move back to Hong Kong too.

I'd only care about one thing if they split that's my sister. Sounds harsh on my brother but I know he's the favourite to my mum so who gives a tosss.

[bkps]

Tbh, I'm glad my parents split up.
My mom kicked my dad out january 2010, and I am just so glad. My dad was and still is a ****. He does everything for me, but I hate him. (Personal reasons). My mom hates my dad too. I'm only allowed to see him if it's nearby, and I'm definitely not allowed in his house. I think, if my mom and dad stayed together, it would have gotten worst, you know. But still, I'm glad they split up and if I could go back in time, I would make sure they had never gotten together in the first place.

[-:Undertaker:-]

you must be taking the piss, you can not generalize like that at all. i don't ever recall wishing my parents would get back together, i was happy to be able to see them both and they have a much better relationship now they're seperated. what sort of world are you living in where parent's use the excuse that the child prefers two homes? that is the first time i've ever heard that and quite honestly it sounds made up.

Because you have just used it because you have clearly been fed it, and believe it yourself. The idea that having two homes and 'still seeing' your parents (every few days at different times) is 'cool' or 'just fine' boggles the mind - it is not a good enviroment for a child to be brought up in and as I said earlier, its the typical excuse given by parents who have broken up purely for their own convenience.

It is the truth and that is why it has been and always is met with such outrage in public life.


& you have to remember an 11 year old child whose parents seperate will have different views, experiences and behaviours to an 11 month old child
or an 18 year old. broken homes are not always single parent families but many are from a mother and father who don't get along. there are 'troubled' kids from every sort of background and it's more to do with the relationship you have with your parent's than the absence of one. i'm actually getting kind of annoyed with your idea of a perfect family and how blessed you are to have had one. i may have seperated parents (when i was 11) but i haven't really missed out at all, at least i was taught the importance of family which clearly you haven't. the 2 parent's and kids family is NOT the 'best' type and never has been so get that idea out of your head. remember, father's haven't stuck around in the past and thats the way it'll probably always be.

..and I am getting annoyed by the idea that people such as yourself peddle, that somehow the traditional family does not matter or that children do not need it. If you look around the estates of this country at the broken homes, these arise purely based on the fact that divorce is so easy these days along with people putting themselves before their children. As for 'get that idea in your head' - no thank you and I reject that order, I think as I said earlier that the estates around this country coupled with the collapse in sexual discipline and discipline in general is a direct result that mainly comes from the collapse of the married family.

Those who come from broken homes will be those most likely not to remain together as a traditional family unit when they are older, they will be less likely to make any committment to a girl they get pregnant and the child will grow up in a confusing enviroment with no solid mother figure or father figure. I have seen the results first hand in school and many of us have, the children who misbehave and who in general have problems are those who come from broken homes whether it be drugs, divorced parents, the missing Dad etc.

I will keep on repeating it, that I am blessed to have a traditional family and I feel sorry for those who do not.


to answer the question and not get annoyed so early in the morning, i'm not sure how i would be different. i may not have such 'daddy syndrome' where i go for older guys to be treated like a dad should to their daughter but that could stem from always being spoiled my the elder males in my family. if anything it's made me stronger and maybe the reason why i'm less feminine but it's not a big deal. i still have a dad and he's happier with someone else and it's okay :S

It is a good sign you are becoming annoyed, sexual revolutionaries always become upset when their idea is dared to be questioned (as I have here) because they think that it is now so universally accepted that no other opinions to it exist - it is by the state, and by the establishment while the rest of us pretend that divorce 'just happens' - but I am glad that when I have heard of divorce being spoken about around me personally, I still detect an element of 'thats bad' - which divorce is, it is a bad thing in almost all cases. I also think the fact you are examining yourself so closely and linking what relationships you like and so forth shows insecurity that many who have seperated parents feel. It is of course, an attempt to justify and to naturally defend the (usually) bad choices of their parents.


god how selfish of him to have a new gf n break up the family

I don't know the merits of the divorce concerning your father, however it is true that many divorces [the breaking of the family] these days are simply undertaken for the convenience of the mother and the father. And that is selfish.

[Casanova]

If you ask children of divorced or divorcing parents they will always say deep down that they would much rather Mummy and Daddy were back together. The usual excuse given by parents often divorcing for their own convenience is the 'Billy much prefers having two homes' - this is false, it is always used to justify to themselves [the parents] that their decision does not or did not affect their child/children.

I have noticed throughout school that the majority of troublemakers, children with troubles in general have been from broken families. It is not a good outcome and shouldn't be viewed upon as such. I myself am blessed by a family, something so many miss out upon today often thanks to the selfishness of parents who break up families based upon convenience by putting themselves before the children. Of course there are families which break up for real reasons such as abuse and so forth, but in many cases this is not the case as I have explained above.

I await the howls of outrage and yells from the cultural revolutionaries. :P

I think your views (like so many times before) are complete ****e.
I say ****e, as they're not worthy to wipe your arse with, they're actual body expulsion.

I think for you would be correct if you had said most trouble makers are from under-privilaged families. This is a true statement - we all know and have seen the facts to corroborate this sad story. This is due to lack of social equality in which we could support the needy, ensure they grow as a person and to assist them and their families with repairing their social issues, such as drugs, drink and general abuse. That's an ideal, in 'Britain' that would cost an un-told amount so it'll never happen. With the concentrated rate of issues in council area's there's no way of controlling that.

I think you'll often find if anything, most single parent families live quite well because either the single parent over-compensates for the lack of another parent or both parents give MORE to their children (in the sense of attention, monetary, time).

I think you're being greatly unfair, especially with your own issues in which YOU should address. If we're mostly the issues in schools then what the **** happened in your childhood to affect you so much?

[scott]

I never had any contact with my dad and I really don't know how much different my life would've been if he was involved in my life. My dad died coming up to 2 years ago now and after having no contact with him since a few months after I was born I was told by many people that he always said that he wanted to get in contact with me and be involved in my life, why he didn't I have no idea! I was in regular contact with my Grandad (his dad) who knew my address and contact details so my Dad didn't really have any excuse to not get in contact with me.

I don't think my life would've been that much different, I've always lived with my mum and my gran, I guess when I was younger it would've been nice to have my mum around for stuff like my first day at school and just silly things like that but as we lived on our own she was always too busy out working multiple jobs to get money to get nice things and stuff that we needed! I guess if he was still around then they could've both have had some decent jobs but still had time to spend with me :p I don't think I'd really change anything about the way I was brought up with just my mum yeah I made many, many, many mistakes but I wouldn't blame that on the fact that I didn't have a father figure in my life. Infact I don't know if my father did get in contact with me if I would bother to want to get involved with him but that may just be some resent towards the fact that he left in the first place :p

[-:Undertaker:-]

I think your views (like so many times before) are complete ****e.
I say ****e, as they're not worthy to wipe your arse with, they're actual body expulsion.

I think for you would be correct if you had said most trouble makers are from under-privilaged families. This is a true statement - we all know and have seen the facts to corroborate this sad story. This is due to lack of social equality in which we could support the needy, ensure they grow as a person and to assist them and their families with repairing their social issues, such as drugs, drink and general abuse. That's an ideal, in 'Britain' that would cost an un-told amount so it'll never happen. With the concentrated rate of issues in council area's there's no way of controlling that.

So in other words, replace the family with the state?

We have already done this and it has failed.

[Casanova]

So in other words, replace the family with the state?

We have already done this and it has failed.

Personally, I think your parents need jailing for the 'successful' job they done.

I don't mean replace, I mean support. Don't twist what I said.

[DPS]

My dad died when i was 2, it hasnt effected me in anyway. I didnt know him tbh, and my mum has been the best she can be. I've always had what i wanted ect ect.

[HotelUser]

I really think since my parents parted ways that in terms of upholding rules and strictness things have changed drastically. My dad was always the "strict" parent who kept things in check and since he's moved out things were never like they were when he was here. My brother in particular has gotten away with doing a lot of things my sister and I really don't think are healthy for him. I hardly ever see my dad but when I do he's still virtually crushed by not being with my mom anymore so he's not really like he was in the strict parental sense before either.

I think having both parents around I wouldn't have been made aware of the problems that existed with their relationship and since I am I think if I was ever blessed with having a family with someone I love in life that I'd hope to be more delicate with other's feelings, problems and making sure I was doing what was best for them first.

[Inseriousity.]

My parents are still together so I have no experience of this. I wondered how long it'd be before dan brought in the 'lack of traditional family is the problem' when this thread clearly shows that it isn't as black and white as that. People react to different situations in different ways.

I'm at the age now where if my parents were to split, I would not be too bothered by it because I'd be able to have some understanding of why. It would depend on how they reacted afterwards. My nana recently divorced my granddad and all she ever does now is demonize him, making him out to be some sort of monster. He obviously wasn't perfect but it is still rather upsetting to hear so if my parents were to do the same thing, I'd probably be effected by that slightly.