i don't know what to do.

[beth]

hi just gonna bang this under a spoiler cause well YEAH:



so right i have never felt as low or as isolated ever in my entire life. everything is boring, i am negative towards everything and everyone, i find it very very very hard to enjoy anything. i have no motivation to do anything, everything is a chore. i barely eat anymore and if i do eat i worry continually about it. i'm increasingly shallow and ****** and just a vile person. i would rather sleep through every single day. when i get up i regret waking up because i just feel nothing. i know i (probably) should go to the doctors but i'm scared ******** and it's just getting worse.

i just feel so alone and i don't know how to break out of it.

any advice/anyone been there/anyone know what to do?

+rep to all.

[Nemo]

When/why did this start? do you know?

[beth]

When/why did this start? do you know?

um i suppose it's been getting progressively worse since about september really. i don't really know why. i guess i don't see my friends that often anymore because i'm a young carer, but that's got even worse recently because well, my best friend just isn't that bothered with me at the moment because i don't have a penis and can't be the archbishop of banterbury/#totalLAD.

[GirlNextDoor15]

Oh it happens to me all the time when you have nothing to do. Don't worry. Just get yourself busy

[beth]

Oh it happens to me all the time when you have nothing to do. Don't worry. Just get yourself busy

i did think at first it was that, but this is such an idk intense? feeling. i honestly don't know who i am somedays.

[wixard]

from what ive seen here youve the mindset of someone with an eating disorder and that's seriously not ok bethie

you can say its a joke fair enough but i ain't buying it. you need to change that ASAP because it can honestly destroy your life and rehabilitation is an incredibly long road so please focus on eating healthy and not punishing yourself mentally or physically for foods you have chosen to eat or enjoy

[beth]

from what ive seen here youve the mindset of someone with an eating disorder and that's seriously not ok bethie

you can say its a joke fair enough but i ain't buying it. you need to change that ASAP because it can honestly destroy your life and rehabilitation is an incredibly long road so please focus on eating healthy and not punishing yourself mentally or physically for foods you have chosen to eat or enjoy

i don't see it as an eating disorder but i know i'm definitely focused on it at the moment. i tried to channel my anger and sadness into healthy eating and i can see it going terribly wrong. i'll pm you or vm you cause i don't wanna go into too much here but yeah.

[Inseriousity.]

I would say that you're not getting a balance between your carer role and your own social life. You secretly wish you could have a more normal life but that makes you feel guilty and you take that out on yourself. I don't think it does you or your sister any good and I think there needs to be an adult conversation (not a row or an argument, just a civil conversation) about creating a balance. Perhaps there is something once a week that you could do that wouldn't make you feel so isolated and then I think the rest will just naturally fall into place.

[beth]

I would say that you're not getting a balance between your carer role and your own social life. You secretly wish you could have a more normal life but that makes you feel guilty and you take that out on yourself. I don't think it does you or your sister any good and I think there needs to be an adult conversation (not a row or an argument, just a civil conversation) about creating a balance. Perhaps there is something once a week that you could do that wouldn't make you feel so isolated and then I think the rest will just naturally fall into place.

we had a meeting with my mom/dad/social worker/loads of these child professional people on friday, and because i said i wasn't coping my mom is refusing to see me right now, which sucks a bit ha.

but the social worker lady did say she was gonna look into young carer "groups" (which i don't think i'd go to, because i'm stupidly shy right now. which is ******* ridiculous because i'm an actor for **** sake) but heh.

[Inseriousity.]

I think you should give it a try. you feel isolated so it'd be a nice change, no matter how shy you are, to at least find someone in a similar position. good thing about groups is that there's bound to be one outrageously outgoing person there who gets the conversation moving. :D

[beth]

I think you should give it a try. you feel isolated so it'd be a nice change, no matter how shy you are, to at least find someone in a similar position. good thing about groups is that there's bound to be one outrageously outgoing person there who gets the conversation moving. :D

that used to be me, well it is me. oh i dunno ha,

[GirlNextDoor15]

Uhm i did feel the same too at some point of ma life. I used to hate my life, whatever I love to do and friends whom I love to talk to. It was like I hate everything and there was nothing to keep my life going.

[Stephen]

life sucks

i just hide away 24/7 and eat food whilst being negative and completely hating the guts of everyone on the internet

**** you all

[Blinger]

life sucks

i just hide away 24/7 and eat food whilst being negative and completely hating the guts of everyone on the internet

**** you all

Sad thing is, it's probably true.

It sounds like you have what a guy above posted, you're not living your life enough.
I went ages with seeing my mates only MAYBE once a month because I had to Work EVERY weekend, ended up telling my boss and they had a chat (well, lecture) to me how it was my fault for not telling them???

Srsly, I'd sort that eating problem out and sort your social life out :)

[buttons]

hi just gonna bang this under a spoiler cause well YEAH:



so right i have never felt as low or as isolated ever in my entire life. everything is boring, i am negative towards everything and everyone, i find it very very very hard to enjoy anything. i have no motivation to do anything, everything is a chore. i barely eat anymore and if i do eat i worry continually about it. i'm increasingly shallow and ****** and just a vile person. i would rather sleep through every single day. when i get up i regret waking up because i just feel nothing. i know i (probably) should go to the doctors but i'm scared ******** and it's just getting worse.

i just feel so alone and i don't know how to break out of it.

any advice/anyone been there/anyone know what to do?

+rep to all.

um i suppose it's been getting progressively worse since about september really. i don't really know why. i guess i don't see my friends that often anymore because i'm a young carer, but that's got even worse recently because well, my best friend just isn't that bothered with me at the moment because i don't have a penis and can't be the archbishop of banterbury/#totalLAD.


i don't see it as an eating disorder but i know i'm definitely focused on it at the moment. i tried to channel my anger and sadness into healthy eating and i can see it going terribly wrong. i'll pm you or vm you cause i don't wanna go into too much here but yeah.
it's scary because this is exactly what i was going through just last year.. i can relate to the "i don't know who i am" and channelling all my sadness in to an eating disorder. i can relate to the becoming increasingly shallow. i didn't seem to enjoy life either. i posted a thread about it and received excellent advice if you want to read it (the title is actually "i can't see to enjoy life": http://www.habboxforum.com/showthread.php?t=688020&highlight=. i think catzsy hit the nail on the head for me that my life was so out of control that i tried to gain control through other methods. maybe that's what you're doing. mine was a family situation leading to an eating disorder..

i honestly think using the internet too much was the problem. reading up things that i should and shouldn't do which lead to my eating disorder. not knowing who i am because i tried too hard to be someone else because that's how i 'should' be in order to be perfect or liked. i ended up feeling miserable and looking horrible cause of lack of nutrients and also because i was trying to be someone i'm not. i've stopped myself trying to be perfect, i've stopped researching what's right and what's wrong, i've found friends who i'm extremely open and comfortable with which i'm so incredibly thankful for but the only way you can do that is by letting yourself be yourself. i try to live in the moment, whenever i think about years from now, or days from now, or even just hours from now, i try to bring myself back to reality even if it's negative just reveal in that moment and think about it.

i hope you find your solution bethie and if you ever need to talk to me, you definitely can because i think i can relate a lot towards your situation. & you can be completely comfortable with me and honest. i think you really need to find someone you can do that to.

[Catchy]

Hiya Bethie,

I was a bit hesitant to post here at first because I can't really relate to the eating bit but I know how you feel about the social life bit and being bored all the time (having no job is ****) it's the same for me really, I've been unemployed since september and even though I get my dole money I hardly ever have any of it left cos I have to pay for all my ****** debts so I just think eurgg what is the point?

It's so annoying because my mates are always wanting me to come out but when I say I don't have a penny to my name I don't know if people believe me but when I say that I actually mean it. Recently my social life's been getting better though and I haven't even needed to have money to spend time with my friends.

Wouldn't it be possible for you to maybe invite a friend around to your house just to have a good old natter and a laugh? Honestly I find that makes everything seem so much better because you can just sort of laugh at your problems together and bounce your problems off one and other.

I can relate so much though sometimes I wake up and I think "what is my purpose? I don't do anything, I don't even have a job..." luckily though I'm doing my nursing in September which I can't wait for and I'm getting some voluntary work on the same ward as my mum soon so I'm really looking forward to it cause I know it'll keep me busy, what is it you want to go into in the future? Like have you found a career or job you'd really like doing? I'd try and focus on that at the moment just to try keep yourself motivated.

Some days I do have days though where I think argh can't be bothered may as well throw myself under this moving bus, but thing is I know I'd never do anything like that and after just think wth. but yeah bethie there are deffo people you can talk to if it be online people or real people I'm sure you will find your way and I hope you do Bethie!!

(sorry rambled on a bit)

[Samantha]

Have you seen Gok Wan's the naked truth? I was watching this specific episode again last night with my Mum and those groups where you are allowed to have a normal life for say 2 hours every two weeks does help, they are really helpful and friendly and I'm sure they improved their confidence by going there. I know you lack the motivation but the worst thing that can happen is that you don't like the groups or something therefore you could easily stop going. Maybe that could be where the balance comes from as that programme opened my eyes about people who can't do things other people their age are doing and you do feel envious of others but afterall, it's not your fault, it's no ones fault but I think that could help you too (the programme).

[beth]

it's scary because this is exactly what i was going through just last year.. i can relate to the "i don't know who i am" and channelling all my sadness in to an eating disorder. i can relate to the becoming increasingly shallow. i didn't seem to enjoy life either. i posted a thread about it and received excellent advice if you want to read it (the title is actually "i can't see to enjoy life": http://www.habboxforum.com/showthread.php?t=688020&highlight=. i think catzsy hit the nail on the head for me that my life was so out of control that i tried to gain control through other methods. maybe that's what you're doing. mine was a family situation leading to an eating disorder..

i honestly think using the internet too much was the problem. reading up things that i should and shouldn't do which lead to my eating disorder. not knowing who i am because i tried too hard to be someone else because that's how i 'should' be in order to be perfect or liked. i ended up feeling miserable and looking horrible cause of lack of nutrients and also because i was trying to be someone i'm not. i've stopped myself trying to be perfect, i've stopped researching what's right and what's wrong, i've found friends who i'm extremely open and comfortable with which i'm so incredibly thankful for but the only way you can do that is by letting yourself be yourself. i try to live in the moment, whenever i think about years from now, or days from now, or even just hours from now, i try to bring myself back to reality even if it's negative just reveal in that moment and think about it.

i hope you find your solution bethie and if you ever need to talk to me, you definitely can because i think i can relate a lot towards your situation. & you can be completely comfortable with me and honest. i think you really need to find someone you can do that to.

i think i know what i'm doing to myself but it's incredibly difficult to stop. the entire month of february i went eating 400 calories a day and exercised 300 of them away. and i used to get up at 5am and be in bed by 6pm and i did enjoy i liked the control but i went into "starvation" mode and everything was **** so i upped to where i am now. i don't even want to say how much it is because it disgusts me and yet i know i'm nowhere near the level people should be eating at and i'm still exercising every single day. i hate every single thing i am and who i stand for. eurgh i just dunno. i watch documentaries on eating disorders every single day, i'm obsessed.

thank you for the offer of having someone to talk to, i do definitely need someone. i feel horrendously judged all the time even though i'm not being.


Hiya Bethie,

I was a bit hesitant to post here at first because I can't really relate to the eating bit but I know how you feel about the social life bit and being bored all the time (having no job is ****) it's the same for me really, I've been unemployed since september and even though I get my dole money I hardly ever have any of it left cos I have to pay for all my ****** debts so I just think eurgg what is the point?

It's so annoying because my mates are always wanting me to come out but when I say I don't have a penny to my name I don't know if people believe me but when I say that I actually mean it. Recently my social life's been getting better though and I haven't even needed to have money to spend time with my friends.

Wouldn't it be possible for you to maybe invite a friend around to your house just to have a good old natter and a laugh? Honestly I find that makes everything seem so much better because you can just sort of laugh at your problems together and bounce your problems off one and other.

I can relate so much though sometimes I wake up and I think "what is my purpose? I don't do anything, I don't even have a job..." luckily though I'm doing my nursing in September which I can't wait for and I'm getting some voluntary work on the same ward as my mum soon so I'm really looking forward to it cause I know it'll keep me busy, what is it you want to go into in the future? Like have you found a career or job you'd really like doing? I'd try and focus on that at the moment just to try keep yourself motivated.

Some days I do have days though where I think argh can't be bothered may as well throw myself under this moving bus, but thing is I know I'd never do anything like that and after just think wth. but yeah bethie there are deffo people you can talk to if it be online people or real people I'm sure you will find your way and I hope you do Bethie!!

(sorry rambled on a bit)

i wish i could invite my friends round but all my friends are in canterbury or the ones i have here are at university round the country themselves, my best friend is a policeman so he is insanely busy and i wouldn't ever want to worry him or drag him away from his job.


Have you seen Gok Wan's the naked truth? I was watching this specific episode again last night with my Mum and those groups where you are allowed to have a normal life for say 2 hours every two weeks does help, they are really helpful and friendly and I'm sure they improved their confidence by going there. I know you lack the motivation but the worst thing that can happen is that you don't like the groups or something therefore you could easily stop going. Maybe that could be where the balance comes from as that programme opened my eyes about people who can't do things other people their age are doing and you do feel envious of others but afterall, it's not your fault, it's no ones fault but I think that could help you too (the programme).

i will defo check it out. i like to kid myself i don't have any problems with confidence because i have a massive ego. but yeah, ha.

[FlyingJesus]

No-one can help if you don't let them. I genuinely don't know how many months I've been telling you to get to the doctors, even finding them for you and checking proximity/level of care etc., but still you refuse to actually do anything about how you're feeling and instead just pretend that ignoring it will make it better - when you've very clearly been getting steadily worse. It's all very well people telling you to get out and do things or focus on happy stuff but that simply isn't always possible when you're in a certain state or situation, and no-one here (no matter how many of us have been through similar things) is qualified to analyse and tell you what's likely to work best for you.

You need professional help, and you need to admit this and go for it regardless of how scary it may be because all I've seen for a long time now is someone who substitutes a lack of overall control in life for attempts at controlling parts of it (eating, health, etc.) without realising that these things are actually controlling you and making everything so much worse. A massive part of the problem is that you're so unwilling to listen to reason and just seem to want to carry on being destructive and hope that it'll all magically go away. "It might :(" you tell me, but no that is not how the world works. If change is going to happen, you have to let it. Asking for help from people who can't give it and then refusing to seek it from those who can is not going to fix anything at all.

[beth]

No-one can help if you don't let them. I genuinely don't know how many months I've been telling you to get to the doctors, even finding them for you and checking proximity/level of care etc., but still you refuse to actually do anything about how you're feeling and instead just pretend that ignoring it will make it better - when you've very clearly been getting steadily worse. It's all very well people telling you to get out and do things or focus on happy stuff but that simply isn't always possible when you're in a certain state or situation, and no-one here (no matter how many of us have been through similar things) is qualified to analyse and tell you what's likely to work best for you.

You need professional help, and you need to admit this and go for it regardless of how scary it may be because all I've seen for a long time now is someone who substitutes a lack of overall control in life for attempts at controlling parts of it (eating, health, etc.) without realising that these things are actually controlling you and making everything so much worse. A massive part of the problem is that you're so unwilling to listen to reason and just seem to want to carry on being destructive and hope that it'll all magically go away. "It might :(" you tell me, but no that is not how the world works. If change is going to happen, you have to let it. Asking for help from people who can't give it and then refusing to seek it from those who can is not going to fix anything at all.

i don't know WHY i can't go to the doctors. i just can't.