i don't know what to do.

[beth]

hi just gonna bang this under a spoiler cause well YEAH:

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so right i have never felt as low or as isolated ever in my entire life. everything is boring, i am negative towards everything and everyone, i find it very very very hard to enjoy anything. i have no motivation to do anything, everything is a chore. i barely eat anymore and if i do eat i worry continually about it. i'm increasingly shallow and ****** and just a vile person. i would rather sleep through every single day. when i get up i regret waking up because i just feel nothing. i know i (probably) should go to the doctors but i'm scared ******** and it's just getting worse.

i just feel so alone and i don't know how to break out of it.

any advice/anyone been there/anyone know what to do?

+rep to all.

[Nemo]

When/why did this start? do you know?

[beth]

When/why did this start? do you know?

um i suppose it's been getting progressively worse since about september really. i don't really know why. i guess i don't see my friends that often anymore because i'm a young carer, but that's got even worse recently because well, my best friend just isn't that bothered with me at the moment because i don't have a penis and can't be the archbishop of banterbury/#totalLAD.

[GirlNextDoor15]

Oh it happens to me all the time when you have nothing to do. Don't worry. Just get yourself busy

[beth]

Oh it happens to me all the time when you have nothing to do. Don't worry. Just get yourself busy

i did think at first it was that, but this is such an idk intense? feeling. i honestly don't know who i am somedays.

[wixard]

from what ive seen here youve the mindset of someone with an eating disorder and that's seriously not ok bethie

you can say its a joke fair enough but i ain't buying it. you need to change that ASAP because it can honestly destroy your life and rehabilitation is an incredibly long road so please focus on eating healthy and not punishing yourself mentally or physically for foods you have chosen to eat or enjoy

[beth]

from what ive seen here youve the mindset of someone with an eating disorder and that's seriously not ok bethie

you can say its a joke fair enough but i ain't buying it. you need to change that ASAP because it can honestly destroy your life and rehabilitation is an incredibly long road so please focus on eating healthy and not punishing yourself mentally or physically for foods you have chosen to eat or enjoy

i don't see it as an eating disorder but i know i'm definitely focused on it at the moment. i tried to channel my anger and sadness into healthy eating and i can see it going terribly wrong. i'll pm you or vm you cause i don't wanna go into too much here but yeah.

[Inseriousity.]

I would say that you're not getting a balance between your carer role and your own social life. You secretly wish you could have a more normal life but that makes you feel guilty and you take that out on yourself. I don't think it does you or your sister any good and I think there needs to be an adult conversation (not a row or an argument, just a civil conversation) about creating a balance. Perhaps there is something once a week that you could do that wouldn't make you feel so isolated and then I think the rest will just naturally fall into place.

[beth]

I would say that you're not getting a balance between your carer role and your own social life. You secretly wish you could have a more normal life but that makes you feel guilty and you take that out on yourself. I don't think it does you or your sister any good and I think there needs to be an adult conversation (not a row or an argument, just a civil conversation) about creating a balance. Perhaps there is something once a week that you could do that wouldn't make you feel so isolated and then I think the rest will just naturally fall into place.

we had a meeting with my mom/dad/social worker/loads of these child professional people on friday, and because i said i wasn't coping my mom is refusing to see me right now, which sucks a bit ha.

but the social worker lady did say she was gonna look into young carer "groups" (which i don't think i'd go to, because i'm stupidly shy right now. which is ******* ridiculous because i'm an actor for **** sake) but heh.

[Inseriousity.]

I think you should give it a try. you feel isolated so it'd be a nice change, no matter how shy you are, to at least find someone in a similar position. good thing about groups is that there's bound to be one outrageously outgoing person there who gets the conversation moving.