Finally going to admit something

So I have something to admit, something to clear out of my mind and get off my chest. I have a deep depression.

Find it strange? Hell I do, I can't admit it to anyone, I'm not scared no... it's just they wouldn't believe me since I'm usually so happy and jolly, I use it as an invisibility cloak. I have no friends anyway...

So why am I depressed? Well let's just review the last 4 weeks of my life, now that I finally have the guts to admit them.

• My friends hide behind a coward - Mattew
• Mattew begins to toy with me, spreading rumours and such
• My grades begin to increase (this strangely happens when I'm sad)
• My great grandfather get's lung cancer (RIGHT ON MY BIRTHDAY)
• The Year Group Manager wants me and Mattew to go on a truce, Mattew hasn't got the guts to ask me so I ask him and he just laughs. Anger begins once more
• I lose more of my friends
• I begin to go in early at School, very early, I blame it on having to see my mentor. When clearly I am avoiding the coward and his blind friends
• I start to stay in at break and lunch, I did odd jobs for the libarian and found comfort in books and English, I began to write again.
• Now my friend asked why I don't go outside, he said it's because ''I'm scared of getting beaten up by Matty''
• Quite a good point, my closest friend (Nathaneal) becomes mature and gains a point of philosophy, I begin this new friendship very well
• BIG MOTHER OF A HELL TURNING POINT - I am put in the learning difficulty class, the LSU, for low confidence and low self esteem.
• The girl I have a crush on somehow obtains my messanger, a new friend awaits (and moar?)
• Now the thing that's got me rock bottom, Mattew begins threats and my Grandad goes into hopsital (he is fine now, but his heart can go BOOM at anytime)

Alright, got that? If you haven't then I don't care, I just needed to get all this off my chest and then I can just let it out more, I'm going to ask my Learning Mentor for an hours long meeting. I just needed to get this off my chest so I can now fly it away to anyone I want

Thank you.

harddd.
But most of it just seems friends hating others, it happens move on, hard mayb but you should

& sorry about the great grandad tho. ):

Move on? With who?

Basically everybody considers the coward a hero and me just some old junkyard piece.
I cannot find comfort with anybody except Nathaneal now. I do know it is not how many friends that matters, but the quality of them, and how they understand you.

Nathaneal does all these things, but he has some problem and he can only come in rarely.

sorry to hear that

things can only get better ey?

I had this problem for a while aswell, not anything to do with stayin in or anything, but the people i thought were my friends, spread rumours about me, and constantly threatend me.i didnt want to get new friends cos of what they might think or say, nd was feeling really alone and stuff, but i started talkin to ppl i thought i hated, but it turns out they were reli cool, nd my best friends now...
Hmm

This mattew or w.e. seems like a waste of space, just tell him u want nothin to do with him and u want him to stay away :)
Good luck with the girl, nd im srry about ur grandad but theres nothin u can do about that.

Just forget about them! and move on

You sound like Nathaneal :)

I'm just gonna let everything out on Monday, my teacher will have a private talk with me and I'll just get all the support I really need.

Our school has a center 33

Its a support building, find your local one and they'll help you.

Maybe you should see a psychologist. I think you said you have before? Like you need to try & sort these problems out. Or everyday, try & do something that you really enjoy that makes you happy. This can probably bring up your confidence, happiness, etc. So like psychologist & something fun. Basically, that's my advice.

Its better to let it all out. It take alot of guts to admit somthing like that the way you have. Sorry to hear about your Grandad hope the meating goes well and the girl ;)

First off - |Admire he does not need to see a psychologist, he just needs someone to talk too and it looks like he has found this in this Nathaneal.

Can I ask why you consider this Matthew to be a Coward, and what have your friends that now "hide behind" him have done?

Also have you tried talking to your old friends about this, if you haven't then I suggest you do - Ask them if your still friends, maybe approach the person who you felt most comfortable with and ask him/her about the situation.

If your old friends say something negative or don't care then they obviously were not good friends and did not value you as a friend, your best bet is to hang around with this Nathaneal when ever you can. Also you mentioned that he is not in school all the time, then try and be-friend some new people.

Back to this Matthew your best bet is to just ignore him, if you decided to speak about the situation with your old friends and they didn't say anything negative then approach them in school wether or not this Matthew is there and just ignore him, if he speaks interupt him. If he tries to start a conversation with one of your friends start talking to that person before he gets too deep into a conversation.

punch matthew in the head and he will leave u alone

Hope your grandad is ok..

One thing i think helps is when you know when someone is going to die, not it suddenly happening without any notice.

After admitting to everything I have been pulled out of the Learning Support Unit, Mattew has been put in retrack for his actions. But my Great Grandad died this morning

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Originally Posted by Purpleness

After admitting to everything I have been pulled out of the Learning Support Unit, Mattew has been put in retrack for his actions. But my Great Grandad died this morning

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im very sorry for your loss, let him rest in peace.

the only way to solve this is to kick the **** out of this matthew and prove hes the coward.

sorry for your loss...

and if you avoid the person its only going toget worse, or feel worse to you, might as well just face him imo.

All you need to do is to gradually move on from those people, because obviously if they abandon you like that they're not good friends at all. Friends are not here to diss eachother, you're meant to be a support base for one another. Also just tell that Matthew to stay away from you and that you don't want any of his foolish acts. It is obvious that those friends aren't true friends.

Also sorry about you great grandad, I know it's sad and stressing as my grandad past away 3 weeks ago. But people just got to face the fact that everyone will eventually die- even though it's sadening it's true- no one can live iternaly. Im sure you'll cherish all the memories you had with him.

I dont really understand why you are calling this matthew boy a coward. I had trouble with a boy at my school, with the same name, for a few weeks. One day in technology, i just exploded, picked up a file, walked up to him and said "Dont ever talk to me again, you C**t." He hasnt spoken to me since.

Am abit like that all my friends would never guess that i get depressed because in school im smiling and laughing and making other people laugh all the time.
But even though i manage to make a joke out of everything inside im not laughing.
And i did have really good friends but atm there acting abit weird.
They've started trying to act like this boy in my school who has a serious case of asd he purposely acts ******ed just for the attention.
So im mainly just with my girlfriend and her friend now as shes the only person i can really talk to.
And usually i would be the person to cheer everyone up but sometimes i just feel like i need someone to cheer me up for a change.

sprry to hear bout your grandad, my uncle died of cancer before my birthday so if you want to talk im always ok to talk

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Originally Posted by DOWNFALL

sorry to hear that

things can only get better ey?

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Labour said that in 1997 and things didn't get better :P

But yeah, I just think you'll have to pull through it and sorry to hear about your loss.

Reason for Mattew been a coward, during a school trip in the Yorkshire Dales our group and teacher got lost, everyone except Mattew were keeping calm, plus he never said anything unless Scott or Ben were around (my former friends)
I have sent a Private Message over a online chat room to ''Avoid me, I'll avoid you, if it comes to violence. I will break something.''
We have decided not to have a funeral for my Great Grandad, his will stated it. He just wants the whole family to remember him and nothing more.
Oh well..

You just keep trying after every mistake, and you keep on flying till you run out of cake

Nathaneal is now like, my bestest friend I've ever known. I see him in the libary every day now (I convinced him to try and come to School everyday).
My former friends have begun to avoid Mattew, and talk to me. Just today one of my former best friends said that ''Maybe I've gone with the wrong guy all this time.''
Life is a-oh-cake