I thought I'd post a thread about my experiences as a person living with mental health problems. I planned to post this as some form of awareness on mental health, and my personal experiences on how I am recovering (to hopefully maybe help people in the future who are going through similar circumstances, or suffer with similar symptoms/disorders as myself). No doubt this has been done countless times, but as I haven't really seen something like this recently I thought I would post.
This is quite a personal thing for me to come out and say, but I have always been taught that if you want someone to truly understand you, you need to be honest to others and yourself. Its very hard for me to say this, and yes you may think I'm a freak, ab-normal or whatever you like.. but honestly, I really don't worry myself over what people say about me over the internet.
Sorry if this is boring and long winded, but I hope you take time to read this. Firstly, I will talk about my personal circumstances. I will then talk about the ways in which I overcame them and recovered (in some aspects), hopefully to give some understanding and for people who may be suffering with the same/similar symptoms/disorders to give some options or support and for the whole community, who may not understand to understand what its like to be mentally disabled.
My Conditions/Disorders:
I currently suffer with 4 different mental health disorders, which are all linked together but affect me in different ways.
Psychosis: Psychosis is a medical word used to describe mental health problems that stop the person from thinking clearly, telling the difference between reality and their imagination, and acting in a 'normal' way.
I suffer with severe delusions and hallucinations, which unfortunately I rarely have control of. In the last 2 years I have suffered with mainly auditory (Hear) and scent (Smell) hallucinations, but my worst experience of hallucination's was a Visual hallucination in which I saw a car crash on a country road, and I closed my eyes and when I opened them, it was gone. This scared me so much I was nearly admitted to hospital. The delusions side of things is the fact that for the last year or so, I had a belief that I in fact had supernatural powers and move things with my mind. I was obsessed with these thoughts, and lost a lot of friends over this obsession.
Clinical Depression: This is probably one of the most common mental health problem a person will suffer with. Its a completely different disorder to Manic Depression (Bipolar) in the way it affects the body. Everyone gets depressed, and low in their life but for someone to be diagnosed with this, is usually when they suffer with it constantly.
This is probably the worst thing I suffer with, it affects me so much that I often lose motivation to do anything what so ever. My mood is often rock bottom, and on the verge of suicidal, the only way I can feel happy in myself truly is when I fill myself with sugar and lots of caffeine. I have a very low concentration level, and I often lose motivation to do simple/everyday tasks (such as sleep, work, wash, clean). I have been admitted into hospital twice for 'Attempted Suicide/Self Harm' in the past year due to my mood dropping so low, I literally have lost the will to live.
Anxiety Disorder:Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is a long-term condition which causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event.
My anxiety links in with my depression in which it will also affect my motivation and concentration for a long space of time. It makes me have irrational thoughts about others and often turns into paranoia. For example, my mirrors are covered in my bedroom and bathroom on the basis I am convinced that mirrors give people the opportunity to look through and watch me. The thought of people watching me even when walking past a mirror scares me, so I try to avoid them.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition where a person has continuous thoughts and uncontrollable repetitive behaviour.
My OCD comes from my anxiety, I obsess over something that is bugging me all the time and I have to act on it. If I don't act on it, I tend to feel uncomfortable and sick. When I enter my bedroom I have to check everywhere in my room to make sure someone or something isn't hiding there, also everything on walls must be straightened and tidy.
What is Normality?
In my opinion, people who don't understand the way other people are (maybe because of there race, religion, sexuality or disability) often class them as ab-normal. I don't believe there is a single normal person on this earth, everyone is different in their own way and everyone has something that could be classed as abnormal by another person.
The reason I bring this up is mental health is often called abnormal or 'weird', and conditions themselves have been turned into words that slander/bully others. I have been bullied at college in the past for my mental health problems, and gone through a lot of nasty experiences because of some of these people. This isn't me preaching about how everyone is equal and lovely and beautiful in their own way, this is just something that really bugs me.
Work that helps me with recovery:
I wanted to give you some insight into the way I am helping myself recover, mental health never just goes away if you leave it. It takes a hell of a long time, and can be very stressful along the way.
Talking to someone: It is so difficult talking to someone about your mental state when you go through breakdowns or episodes, but you have to push that barrier. You could talk to anyone, your friends, your family, your GP or your school. I would recommend talking to your GP or school officials (Heads of years, LSA's, Support teams etc) as they can refer you and give you additional support networks. You will usually be referred to a Mental Health team, and its nerve racking when you go but it is seriously good, if you give some of your time to it, it can seriously change your life for the better.
Finding the trigger: When sudden 'Mental Breakdowns/Episodes' start there is always a trigger for it, it could be a very small change to something huge, but there is always some form of trigger for it. Finding the trigger is usually the best place to start, it makes you realize the reason why you are how you are and will give any person you may speak to about it a slightly better understanding. My trigger was my parents break-up, which happens to a lot of families. The reason this triggered my episode was down to the fact I was so distressed with other smaller things, mainly bullying and school studies.
Finding good friends: One of the main things which is helping me to recover is the ability to speak to a select number of people who actually get what I'm going on about. This gives you a massive support system if you don't have the courage to speak out to someone 'official' about it. Friends are there to encourage and support you, as well as the other things that come with a friendship. These friends could be anyone, internet or real life as long as you trust them.
Finding a Distraction: When you feel low, the easiest way to make yourself feel temporarily better is to distract yourself from your thoughts, for example going on Habbo or going out with friends. There are so many things you can do to take your mind off things, you just have to find the select few that are good for you. I found this PDF quite good for finding a distraction technique, it can be used for anything not just self harm (http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/PDF/Self-Ha...es%20FINAL.pdf)
Mental health services work:
If you talk to anyone about your problems, these things have given me a lot of help to recover.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy): Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave. This is offered at most mental health services and really opens up your views and opinions, you can be completely honest and they will give you very good programme of treatment options.
Self Esteem Work: One thing that gets shot down when you suffer with Mental Health problems is your self esteem. All Mental Health Services help you with your self esteem, and give you good advice on ways to work with it and improve in the future.
Medication: Medication sounds a lot scarier than what it actually is, most mental health medications alter chemicals in your brain to help you in the right direction. I started on medication when I was in my first year of CBT, and it took a long time for them to find the right one for me. Most of the time you won't feel any different for a couple of weeks, but then it sneaks in and starts to work. The main thing about taking medication is that you have to take it constantly for about 6 weeks for it to have a massive effect on you (this excludes 'sort term' medications like Diazepam, as that is made to give quick effects).
One thing to avoid: The one thing most people do when they are worried about symptoms and little things like that, is they often Google it. With mental health, Googling can put all sorts of rubbish in your head. Mental health symptoms are usually linked to all sorts of different things, not always a certain problem/disorder or condition. The best thing to do is talk to your doctor, and I know everyone says that but its better than getting paranoid over what Google has told you.
There is lots of help out there, and if the worst comes to the worst and there isn't you can always pop up on my profile/skype etc. I just wanted to share this with you, because the main thing I've always struggled with is feeling that I'm alone and no-one else is similar in anyway.
