Your whole essay so far really only sounds like an introduction, you need to condense it to a single paragraph or you'll have built it up too much and give yourself a lot more to write.
B/C
Results 11 to 20 of 20
-
-
oh right
its a monologue about a man on death row. he got mixed up in a night club with a friend taking ecstasy and ending up murdering somebody. im not telling them what i did directly untill the end. hes not a smart man but hes not stupid. kind of average so the vocabulary isnt great on purpose. anymore ratings out of 10 will be good.
Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Just as soon as I belong, than it's time I disappear - Metallica
-
*Message Removed*
Edited by BobX (Forum Moderator): Do not insult or be rude to forum users.Last edited by BobX; 08-12-2007 at 09:34 PM.
-
Use more interesting vocabulary :rolleyes:
-
6/10 so far.
I think a 'C'.*Signature Removed*
Edited by opensourcehost (Forum Super Moderator): Please in future please remove signature images if the exceed the maximum size for your user group or when removal is when requested.
-
lol and when the exam board do a quick search on google with a few lines of your coursework and it links to here, you'll get it torn up and be disqualified from your exams...
-
lol doesnt makes sense. make it clearer their alive still in that sentence. longer sentences, too many paragraphs, (i think it should be about 3/4 to a apgeI no longer have any friends or family. My family don’t want to know.
like someone said the first three paragraphs are introduction, condense it but leave the 'cliffhangers' there.
second line from bottom is worst not worse
so far, id say C but if you carry on and introduce better vocab and longer more complex sentences B/A
-
its a bit melodramatic
you need longer sentences tho
-
I just didn't find it that gripping
If you rest, you rust
-
i no longer have them asin they arent dead but they will not have anything to do with me.
Originally Posted by JimboJosh
lol doesnt makes sense. make it clearer their alive still in that sentence. longer sentences, too many paragraphs, (i think it should be about 3/4 to a apge
like someone said the first three paragraphs are introduction, condense it but leave the 'cliffhangers' there.
second line from bottom is worst not worse
so far, id say C but if you carry on and introduce better vocab and longer more complex sentences B/A
Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Just as soon as I belong, than it's time I disappear - Metallica
Reply With Quote
iPod touch 8gb.
Posting Permissions
- You may not post new threads
- You may not post replies
- You may not post attachments
- You may not edit your posts