Do you think you are born gay or it is a lifestyle?

[peteyt]

i don't really know if you are born gay, i'm kind of on the fence about that. but i definitely disagree with you saying that it is a choice, i've read a lot about people not wanting to be gay (because of homophobia they have/will face, and the idea that it is wrong to be gay), you can't just wake up one day and decide that now you like girls/boys.

i think what tom said is more likely, that it develops.

it's confusing though, and also really fascinating. i don't think that question will ever be answered though



why though? why does straight have to be the default setting?

Being gay and hating being gay are two different things.

It is a personal choice in my opinion really. Some people prefer the oppisite sex some people prefer the same sex. This obviously can be influenced by different factors e.g. having a gay friend, gay member in your family, having some kind of gay experience. But some people are straight to begin with well in their opinion and just have a drunken experience and actually realise they liked it. While as some claim they knew from early on. A female at my school said she knew from about 2-3 but I find it hard to believe and I cant remember much of then anyway's. I do know I was more interested in being my age and didn't really see people in the way I would today.

You mention people not wanting to be gay. To me that's like liking something, knowing you do and trying to fight it. I like chocolate, I could say oh I don't like it but I do. I think that the people who do turn gay and fight and deny it usually only do because of its connotations. They deep down probably want to be gay, but don't want the prejudice and don't know how people will take it. I remember someone upset once because he thought he was gay, but also religious and hated the idea of being gay. I think maybe deep down he wanted to be gay, wishing he could be accepted.

[Judas]

Well, that's what you feel. But, they cannot be born gay. It's not a talent or whatsoever. It's just how you feel and what you like after years and years of gaining experiences (with sex and stuff). Some of the 'gay' people just find it cool to say that they're gay since there's a lot of gay people standing up for themselves at this time.

And the evidence you have to back up these facts is what?

I respect your opinion but don't tell me things like they are absolutely true. And why assume that some people pretend to be gay to act cool? That is such a cynical thing to say that is so irrelevant to this question, that some may be offended by :rolleyes:

Being gay and hating being gay are two different things.

It is a personal choice in my opinion really. Some people prefer the oppisite sex some people prefer the same sex. This obviously can be influenced by different factors e.g. having a gay friend, gay member in your family, having some kind of gay experience. But some people are straight to begin with well in their opinion and just have a drunken experience and actually realise they liked it. While as some claim they knew from early on. A female at my school said she knew from about 2-3 but I find it hard to believe and I cant remember much of then anyway's. I do know I was more interested in being my age and didn't really see people in the way I would today.

You mention people not wanting to be gay. To me that's like liking something, knowing you do and trying to fight it. I like chocolate, I could say oh I don't like it but I do. I think that the people who do turn gay and fight and deny it usually only do because of its connotations. They deep down probably want to be gay, but don't want the prejudice and don't know how people will take it. I remember someone upset once because he thought he was gay, but also religious and hated the idea of being gay. I think maybe deep down he wanted to be gay, wishing he could be accepted.

I agree with most of what you're saying, but you said it yourself (bolded parts I'm talking about).

You can't choose to not be gay. If you like boys or girls - you do. You just do. You can't change your way of thinking. However you can choose to pretend to not be, and put on a front and "be" straight, but at the end of the day, you are just a closet gay.

You can choose to just not tell anyone and pretend you're straight, and that's a choice that someone may make for whatever reasons, but at the end of the day, if you're gay - then you're gay.

[beth]

Well, that's what you feel. But, they cannot be born gay. It's not a talent or whatsoever. It's just how you feel and what you like after years and years of gaining experiences (with sex and stuff). Some of the 'gay' people just find it cool to say that they're gay since there's a lot of gay people standing up for themselves at this time.

i think the parts bolded are incredibly offensive, sure i'm gonna get another -rep from you from voicing an opinion (and what you say is an opinion, it's not fact) different to yours, but whatever. not a talent? whoever said having a sexuality was a talent. and the second point is just... "some of the gay people" they're not a seperate breed from you, they're still humans and A LOT of the gay people i know would prefer to be straight as they feel they'd have one less hassle in their life. and of course they're gonna stand up for themselves, even in the 21st century homophobia is ripe. and yr kinda proving it here, the way you are talking is borderline homophobic and it's not even intentional i believe. it's just because you have no knowledge of homosexuality.

personally i think it's just something that happens, it's not a choice nor did you fall out of yr mom and go hiya i'm gay. it's just something that happens over time. like i don't like mushrooms, gay men don't like girls. i think there are people who are homosexual because they've had traumatic experiences with members of the opposite sex when they were developing. you hear stories of girls being abused by their father and then turning to women for support and trust, but obviously this isn't always the case. i don't think it's nature or nurture, i don't want to use the word FATE. but i don't know how to describe something that just happens.

[-:Undertaker:-]

i think the parts bolded are incredibly offensive, sure i'm gonna get another -rep from you from voicing an opinion (and what you say is an opinion, it's not fact) different to yours, but whatever. not a talent? whoever said having a sexuality was a talent. and the second point is just... "some of the gay people" they're not a seperate breed from you, they're still humans and A LOT of the gay people i know would prefer to be straight as they feel they'd have one less hassle in their life. and of course they're gonna stand up for themselves, even in the 21st century homophobia is ripe. and yr kinda proving it here, the way you are talking is borderline homophobic and it's not even intentional i believe. it's just because you have no knowledge of homosexuality.

GirlNextDoor15 has not voiced any fear of homosexuality/homosexuals, there is no homophobia at all in her post. At that, she has not even expressed any dislike (which is not homophobia, see above) towards homosexuality or homosexuals in general, rather towards the culture that surrounds the issue ... And you have just added to that culture, the idea that homosexuality is above all criticism.

It's not a talent or whatsoever. It's just how you feel and what you like after years and years of gaining experiences (with sex and stuff). Some of the 'gay' people just find it cool to say that they're gay since there's a lot of gay people standing up for themselves at this time.

Indeed, this is correct. We only have to look at gay 'pride' marches (which our shameful councils pay for) when most people actually find them repulsive, cringeworthy and flaunty for a variety of reasons from the message to the theme. We only have to look at the propaganda in schools, not just preaching just tolerance anymore (which is not the place of schools anyway) but actually teaching 'acceptance' which I find a sinister hint of Orwell's 1984 within. We also have the cult of the likes of Lady Gaga and the usual 'baby I was born this way' rubbish that we have to put up with whenever homosexuality is brought up, which, sadly, closes any rational debate on the subject down.

There is nothing homophobic nor have you shown any hatred or dislike of homosexuals in your post. Even if you had shown a dislike of homosexuality or even a fear (personally i've never come across a fear of homosexuals so I don't see why its being mentioned so often) then you are perfectly entitled to do so.

[Judas]

GirlNextDoor15 has not voiced any fear of homosexuality/homosexuals, there is no homophobia at all in her post. At that, she has not even expressed any dislike (which is not homophobia, see above) towards homosexuality or homosexuals in general, rather towards the culture that surrounds the issue ... And you have just added to that culture, the idea that homosexuality is above all criticism.

That's why Beth said "borderline", she never actually called her a homophobe.

And we've been through this time and time again so I know this is a waste of time but the meaning of homophobia is not just a "fear" of homosexuals, it can also be a dislike etc. You know full well what she means, so for the sake of the argument can't you just drop it? Whenever a discussion like this comes up you choose to focus on that to ignore the other (very valid) points that are being made.

[-:Undertaker:-]

That's why Beth said "borderline", she never actually called her a homophobe.

And we've been through this time and time again so I know this is a waste of time but the meaning of homophobia is not just a "fear" of homosexuals, it can also be a dislike etc. You know full well what she means, so for the sake of the argument can't you just drop it? Whenever a discussion like this comes up you choose to focus on that to ignore the other (very valid) points that are being made.

Because I find attempts to label opinions as mental retardation as downright disrespectful and are intended on shutting down debate on this topic.

[Judas]

Because I find attempts to label opinions as mental retardation as downright disrespectful and are intended on shutting down debate on this topic.

... who did that?

[FlyingJesus]

Dan if you're gonna keep pulling out the "phobia is a fear!!!!!" strategy whenever this topic is raised then you should just give up now, seeing as how the definition of phobia does not just cover irrational fears, but also irrational dislikes and criticisms. Perhaps you ought to actually look into an issue before commenting on it in future.

[-:Undertaker:-]

... who did that?

Those bringing up 'homophobia' here, classing those who object to/dislike homosexuality as homophobic.

Dan if you're gonna keep pulling out the "phobia is a fear!!!!!" strategy whenever this topic is raised then you should just give up now, seeing as how the definition of phobia does not just cover irrational fears, but also irrational dislikes and criticisms. Perhaps you ought to actually look into an issue before commenting on it in future.

A phobia is an irrational fear, the word has been hijacked and i'm not going to stand for it anymore, just as I will not stand for being called a 'racist' when discussing mass immigration or being labeled an xenophobe when discussing the European Union.

A great deal of us do not have a fear or homosexuals or foreigners, nor do we have a hatred of people of other skin colours. But does this mean we can still object to homosexuality, mass-immigration and foreigners ruling this country? yes it does, and I don't expected to be slurred with words that do not mean what you intend them to mean.

[Judas]

Those bringing up 'homophobia' here, classing those who object to/dislike homosexuality as homophobic.

A phobia is an irrational fear, the word has been hijacked and i'm not going to stand for it anymore, just as I will not stand for being called a 'racist' when discussing mass immigration or being labeled an xenophobe when discussing the European Union.

A great deal of us do not have a fear or homosexuals or foreigners, nor do we have a hatred of people of other skin colours. But does this mean we can still object to homosexuality, mass-immigration and foreigners ruling this country? yes it does, and I don't expected to be slurred with words that do not mean what you intend them to mean.

The dictionary would like a word with you.