Overbearing/ridiculous parents

[buttons]

i like how some you are making it out to be all about money when she didn't even mention money until one of you guys did. just cause her mum lets her have a roof over her head doesn't mean she has to be singled out and treated worse than another person who also lives under the same roof :S could actually give her advice on the way she's treated other than "they pay for you so deal with it".

i dont really advice cause i'm in the same situaton but it's not as simple as go pay for your own stuff then she'll treat you better...

[Shar]

I don't know how money suddenly became the main focus here but as Jen is saying, and from my own personal experience, even if Laura paid for her own stuff etc it wouldn't miraculously make her problems with her family go away :S

[Fifty-Six]

I think we need to set the financial situation aside and look at it from an objective perspective.

The best think, I think, would be to (attempt) a 1-on-1 conversation with your mother. Sit down at the kitchen table, just the two of you, and let her know how you actually feel. Try hard not to be accusatory, otherwise your mother will just go on the offensive and not pay much attention to anything else they say. It's just imperative that you can communicate calmly and seriously with her, so that she can understand what's going through your head.

What have you done so far to "confront" your parents on this?

[lawrawrrr]

I think we need to set the financial situation aside and look at it from an objective perspective.

The best think, I think, would be to (attempt) a 1-on-1 conversation with your mother. Sit down at the kitchen table, just the two of you, and let her know how you actually feel. Try hard not to be accusatory, otherwise your mother will just go on the offensive and not pay much attention to anything else they say. It's just imperative that you can communicate calmly and seriously with her, so that she can understand what's going through your head.

What have you done so far to "confront" your parents on this?

I got really upset and spoke to my (more reasonable) dad who sat us BOTH down and we calmly talked about everything. I told them how they made me feel and they seemed to realise what they do. They said I'm unbearable to live with (cos of my mood swings) and I sorta hinted towards my bipolar, which they seemed to understand. The whole treating-my-sister differently they both deny vehemently, I don't know whether it's because they don't see it or are denying it. My nan (mums mum) has even commented on the way they treat us. The freedom part they've said they'll give me, but it's very limited - I have to be home at exact times, have to wear something they pre-approve and tell them exactly where I am and what I drink. Not that I always do that...

As for the housework thing, it's not a problem until we argue about something else (even something ridiculously small) and she just shouts that I do nothing.

[Glen Coco]

wow, that money argument was absolutely ridiculous and was clearly brought up to start an argument!

my dad often says i don't do anything around the house when i try to do what i can, so i know where you're coming from with that.
has your mum always been like that?

[lawrawrrr]

wow, that money argument was absolutely ridiculous and was clearly brought up to start an argument!

my dad often says i don't do anything around the house when i try to do what i can, so i know where you're coming from with that.
has your mum always been like that?

Unfortunately, yes. She's got worse ever since I finished exams (like after GCSEs and A2s she moaned I wasn't doing anything), but it's got even worse now I'm an adult.

--

I just tried approaching them again tonight after the things you guys have said, it's ridiculous how much they think they know me. My dad said he'd treat me differently if I proved I'd been medically diagnosed with something - I couldn't own up to it, they'd just judge me too much. They ended up making me feel completely worthless and I sort of just sat on my bed not being able to move for like 2 hours. I swear my reactions are getting worse and I don't know if I can deal with them...

[Munex]

@lawrawrrr; at least you don't have overbaring parents - that would be quite embarassing.
p.s. barely bare bears are bearly bears xxx

[Inseriousity.]

Firstly, you're the eldest and the youngest is always seen as the "baby"/"little angel who can do no wrong" even if they're the devil's child so I think you're just going to have to accept that no matter what she'll always be treated better.

I'm not really sure there's anything you can do tbh but grin and bear it as much as you can. They are obviously not listening and probably never will. The only thing you can look forward to is getting out of there as quick as possible!

[Recursion]

Grin and bear it, then go talk to the counselling service when you get back to University about being worried to go back home etc. You might be able to scrape some money together to live in a house during Uni, in which case most of them are rented during the summer too anyway.

[Firehorse]

The only way I can think of that would change the way your mother sees things is if she read this thread, or when you move out for good just turn your back and don't answer their pleas. If you're ever in the position where you're more wealthy than they are or they're asking you for help in many scenarios (loaning money, items etc) you can turn around and say that they treated you horribly and therefore you do not wish to help them. Unless the karma comes from you directly then they won't see what effect they're having on you.
Also by acting nicely to them while you're at uni isn't going to do you any favours, because they'll think that you're totally fine with them.
If I was in your situation I'd also refuse to go on holiday with them, and instead go on a holiday with some friends.

My father is also being a total git recently.
I literally just finished my A Levels last week and he is constantly on my back, waking me up earlier than I need to be, even though I've already spent a lot of time as soon as my exams were done re-writing my CV, walking around town all day handing my CV into places and attended a job interview, as well as attending a job interview almost a month before my exams had even finished, he calls me lazy when he himself is unemployed and isn't even looking for a job, he spends his day reading and visiting art galleries, and just laughs it off whenever the subject is mentioned.

It's this mentality that a lot of parents have where they think that because their child is legally an adult that suddenly they should be the ones being looked after. I'd never let this be the case and I want to move out when I can. I'll give back by raising my own kids and looking after my parents when they're elderly and unable to look after themselves, not when I've just left school.
Yes it's time to move on, but they still have the responsibility of helping you get on your feet.