Friendzoned. [Help] [Rep+]

[dunke]

think about it like this.. would you rather spend 10 minutes feeling uncomfortable and explaining your feelings to her or spend the rest of your life wondering if she feels the same or if it could of worked, you'll also be more likely to avoid situations like this if you don't do it now and that's a terrible situation to be in, believe me!

i suggest spending some time alone with her so she's not distracted by other people or problems and tell her how you feel

possible outcomes

- she admits that she has feelings for you as well
- she explains that she doesn't feel that way but wants to be friends
- she tells you that she also has feelings but would prefer to stay friends
- she thinks it's too weird and doesn't want to be friends any more

the first three outcomes are equally possible but the last one is extremely unlikely to happen judging from what you've put in your original post

short term outcome: you'll be nervous and worried about the outcome
long term outcome: it will be a huge weight off your mind and you will have a stronger relationship with her as a friend or more than that or in the unlikely event you might lose contact with her, but if she doesn't want to talk to you purely because you're attracted to her then your relationship as friends can't of been that strong because she should be able to handle it and also help you overcome how you feel so that you two can have a strong friendship together

you can't be very happy or relaxed if you're constantly wanting to tell her something but unable too right?

the whole friend zone concept is in your head, thoughts are powerful and change the way everyone lives their lives but you can overcome them if you step out of your comfort zone

[Zak]

From past experience if she hasn't fancied you for 8-9 years then it's not likely to happen.

If someone doesn't find you attractive there's not much point. I'm not saying all is lost but being just a friend for so long isn't really promising.

My advice just tell her how you feel. Then she can take it how she wants, if she doesn't feel the same way then move on my friend

[Jarkie]

think about it like this.. would you rather spend 10 minutes feeling uncomfortable and explaining your feelings to her or spend the rest of your life wondering if she feels the same or if it could of worked, you'll also be more likely to avoid situations like this if you don't do it now and that's a terrible situation to be in, believe me!

i suggest spending some time alone with her so she's not distracted by other people or problems and tell her how you feel

possible outcomes

- she admits that she has feelings for you as well
- she explains that she doesn't feel that way but wants to be friends
- she tells you that she also has feelings but would prefer to stay friends
- she thinks it's too weird and doesn't want to be friends any more

the first three outcomes are equally possible but the last one is extremely unlikely to happen judging from what you've put in your original post

short term outcome: you'll be nervous and worried about the outcome
long term outcome: it will be a huge weight off your mind and you will have a stronger relationship with her as a friend or more than that or in the unlikely event you might lose contact with her, but if she doesn't want to talk to you purely because you're attracted to her then your relationship as friends can't of been that strong because she should be able to handle it and also help you overcome how you feel so that you two can have a strong friendship together

you can't be very happy or relaxed if you're constantly wanting to tell her something but unable too right?

the whole friend zone concept is in your head, thoughts are powerful and change the way everyone lives their lives but you can overcome them if you step out of your comfort zone

Dunke, Thank you so much for this post. It has put me at a better understanding than I was. I am seeing her a few days before new years, so I will tell her then, hopefully my nerves wont get the better of me! Rep+

From past experience if she hasn't fancied you for 8-9 years then it's not likely to happen.

If someone doesn't find you attractive there's not much point. I'm not saying all is lost but being just a friend for so long isn't really promising.

My advice just tell her how you feel. Then she can take it how she wants, if she doesn't feel the same way then move on my friend

Thanks bud.

[karter]

oh god you are adorable. If I were you I would ask her out like and if she says no again, well it will be weird but it is not like it has not been weird till now. Personally I don't like gobbling up feelings because it would make matters worse and its a 9 year friendship, it should be strong and should not break just because you told her what you felt. If she says no then don't push it too much (seems you are good at it anyways because she is still your good friend). Most relationships start with friendships anyways so quit being shy and the me to you bear thing was CUTE omg and it was definitely not too much

PS. Don't rely on me too much there is a reason I am still single -_-
Do post results though

[Biogenetics]

In the friendzone? Simple. Stop talking to her, just simply reply no more, don't say a word why or anything. For the next few months go to the gym, work out, get a job, get some money, get some confidence, some masculinity. Once you've done all of those things, "bump" into her in town or at school, or suddenly start talking to her again. Talk exactly the same as you used to, but don't be so "cuddly/I'll do anything/needy" like you may have been. It works. Also, if it doesn't, who the hell cares? You've turned your life around and got some stuff done, you've got money, you've gotten healthy, it's a win win.

[karter]

In the friendzone? Simple. Stop talking to her, just simply reply no more, don't say a word why or anything. For the next few months go to the gym, work out, get a job, get some money, get some confidence, some masculinity. Once you've done all of those things, "bump" into her in town or at school, or suddenly start talking to her again. Talk exactly the same as you used to, but don't be so "cuddly/I'll do anything/needy" like you may have been. It works. Also, if it doesn't, who the hell cares? You've turned your life around and got some stuff done, you've got money, you've gotten healthy, it's a win win.

I would be pretty mad if I were to go through all that to win a girl and she says no. pfft feelings can't be played with, and also it is not humanly possible for someone to stop talking to someone you have feelings for. If she doesn't like him still, she will definitely not like him later. Money and masculanity cannot buy mutual attraction. Might work in fiction but doubt it will work in reality.

[Jarkie]

Sorry for the late reply.

oh god you are adorable. If I were you I would ask her out like and if she says no again, well it will be weird but it is not like it has not been weird till now. Personally I don't like gobbling up feelings because it would make matters worse and its a 9 year friendship, it should be strong and should not break just because you told her what you felt. If she says no then don't push it too much (seems you are good at it anyways because she is still your good friend). Most relationships start with friendships anyways so quit being shy and the me to you bear thing was CUTE omg and it was definitely not too much

PS. Don't rely on me too much there is a reason I am still single -_-
Do post results though

Awh, cheers! I will tell her all in a few days when I see her! and I shall post results

[Jack!]

On a serious note, I was in the same position as you for around 2 years before I finally plucked up the courage to ask my girlfriend, this was 2 years ago and we are still together today, I think it was because we really knew each other before we were going out, And from what I can remember, We've only really had one argument, which is good.

But the way I see it is this, You'll never know unless you ask, But, I had brought it up once before with my girlfriend, And then when I asked again, I kind of started with "I know we've spoke about this before and it made things really awkward, But I need to tell you how I really feel" something like that anyway, And it was a bit awkward, And we didn't really talk much after it for a few hours, Then she replied a day later I think, saying OK, Lets see how it goes.

The only reason my girlfriend didn't want to originally go out with me was because of the fact she didn't want to lose me as a friend, and that if we were to go out and break up, She thought she would, so, it could be why.

[BeanEgg]

Girls do this thing and I really don't like it. I'm in a similar situation, this time it's with a girl I live with at uni. I wouldn't tell her again that I still have feelings for her, since that will show that you're a bit full on. I would try distance yourself a little bit from her, if she notices and comes back more flirty then that could show that she has some feelings for you, if she doesn't come back then it shows it's merely a friendship, you can then just apologise for not talking to much due to a hectic uni life!