LMAO AT THIS!

[Porv]

rofllmao

[Adam$]

Lmao. Mine.

---------------------------

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Lee admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Helen. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Clarissa is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Wootzeh later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Tommo creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Chaz hits him with a Turkey Baster.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Empire State Building out of Sausage. After much persuasion by Tommo, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Empire State Building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Wootzeh, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the Sausage. Chaz is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Empire State Building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Wootzeh farts and blows Empire State Building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Helen cries.

6 - Tommo gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Helen admits that she likes to be spanked on the **** with a Turkey Baster. Lee says he never wears condoms because they make his ***** sore and Tommo agrees. Clarissa goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Wootzeh sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Tommo.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Lee goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Chaz and Helen are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Lee.

9 - Chaz and Helen are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Clarissa sings them a song - Shayne Ward - Thats my Goal - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Helen out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Helen leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Helen's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Clarissa has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Chaz is visibly depressed and is comforted by Tommo, who tries to touch her on her *****.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Tommo touching Chaz's ***** over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Wootzeh refuses to run because his ***** hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Wootzeh finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Chaz calls Wootzeh a lazy *****.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Lee tells everyone individually that he thinks Chaz is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Chaz and Tommo are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Lee.

16 - The nominations are announced. Chaz can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Tommo is equally stunned and turns to Chaz for comfort. Wootzeh is distraught and confesses to Clarissa that he thinks he is in love with Tommo. Clarissa says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Tommo out of the house. Chaz says she is gutted and even gives Tommo a clipping of hair from her ***** to prove how much she cares. Wootzeh is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Tommo leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Chaz clipping the hair from her *****. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Poland in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Poland sounds like but Wootzeh says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Lee as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Lee successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Poland but also God Save The Queen, Shayne Ward - Thats my Goal and the theme tune to Family Guy. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Lee tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Wootzeh and Clarissa are nominated.

23 - Wootzeh and Clarissa take their nominations well and sit down with Lee and Chaz to discuss why they voted for them. Lee keeps quiet but Chaz accuses Wootzeh of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred ***** before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Clarissa out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Clarissa leaves.

25 - Lee becomes the first housemate to have a ****. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Lee's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of A large dog dung using only a Turkey Baster. Lee is unsure but Wootzeh is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Wootzeh breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the A large dog incident from his childhood. Chaz tries to persuade him to stay but Lee sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Wootzeh decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the A large dog dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by Chaz from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Lee asks Chaz to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Lee nominates Chaz to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Chaz.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Chaz graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Lee is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Lee takes his £70,000 and runs away to Poland. Nobody, including Chaz, ever sees him again.

[Adam$]

Lmao. Mine.

---------------------------

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Lee admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Helen. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Clarissa is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Wootzeh later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Tommo creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Chaz hits him with a Turkey Baster.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Empire State Building out of Sausage. After much persuasion by Tommo, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Empire State Building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Wootzeh, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the Sausage. Chaz is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Empire State Building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Wootzeh farts and blows Empire State Building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Helen cries.

6 - Tommo gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Helen admits that she likes to be spanked on the **** with a Turkey Baster. Lee says he never wears condoms because they make his ***** sore and Tommo agrees. Clarissa goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Wootzeh sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Tommo.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Lee goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Chaz and Helen are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Lee.

9 - Chaz and Helen are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Clarissa sings them a song - Shayne Ward - Thats my Goal - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Helen out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Helen leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Helen's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Clarissa has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Chaz is visibly depressed and is comforted by Tommo, who tries to touch her on her *****.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Tommo touching Chaz's ***** over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Wootzeh refuses to run because his ***** hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Wootzeh finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Chaz calls Wootzeh a lazy *****.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Lee tells everyone individually that he thinks Chaz is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Chaz and Tommo are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Lee.

16 - The nominations are announced. Chaz can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Tommo is equally stunned and turns to Chaz for comfort. Wootzeh is distraught and confesses to Clarissa that he thinks he is in love with Tommo. Clarissa says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Tommo out of the house. Chaz says she is gutted and even gives Tommo a clipping of hair from her ***** to prove how much she cares. Wootzeh is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Tommo leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Chaz clipping the hair from her *****. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Poland in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Poland sounds like but Wootzeh says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Lee as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Lee successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Poland but also God Save The Queen, Shayne Ward - Thats my Goal and the theme tune to Family Guy. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Lee tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Wootzeh and Clarissa are nominated.

23 - Wootzeh and Clarissa take their nominations well and sit down with Lee and Chaz to discuss why they voted for them. Lee keeps quiet but Chaz accuses Wootzeh of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred ***** before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Clarissa out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Clarissa leaves.

25 - Lee becomes the first housemate to have a ****. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Lee's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of A large dog dung using only a Turkey Baster. Lee is unsure but Wootzeh is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Wootzeh breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the A large dog incident from his childhood. Chaz tries to persuade him to stay but Lee sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Wootzeh decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the A large dog dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by Chaz from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Lee asks Chaz to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Lee nominates Chaz to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Chaz.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Chaz graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Lee is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Lee takes his £70,000 and runs away to Poland. Nobody, including Chaz, ever sees him again.

[JT-Fan]

Lool I'd post mine but it has swearing!
Ace site!

[Jasmin]

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Joe admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Helen. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Cassie is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Jordan later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Matt creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Claz hits him with a Fridge.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Empire state building out of chocolate cheese. After much persuasion by Matt, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Empire state building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Jordan, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the chocolate cheese. Claz is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Empire state building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Jordan farts and blows Empire state building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Helen cries.

6 - Matt gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Helen admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Fridge. Joe says he never wears condoms because they make his Man ****s sore and Matt agrees. Cassie goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Jordan sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Matt.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Joe goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Claz and Helen are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Joe.

9 - Claz and Helen are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Cassie sings them a song - Ooops i did it again by britney spears - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Helen out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Helen leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Helen's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Cassie has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Claz is visibly depressed and is comforted by Matt, who tries to touch her Fanny flap.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Matt touching Claz's Fanny flap over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Jordan refuses to run because his Man ****s hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Jordan finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Claz calls Jordan a lazy Man boobs.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Joe tells everyone individually that he thinks Claz is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Claz and Matt are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Joe.

16 - The nominations are announced. Claz can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Matt is equally stunned and turns to Claz for comfort. Jordan is distraught and confesses to Cassie that he thinks he is in love with Matt. Cassie says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Matt out of the house. Claz says she is gutted and even gives Matt a clipping of hair from her Fanny flap to prove how much she cares. Jordan is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Matt leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Claz clipping the hair from her Fanny flap. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of a deserted island in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of a deserted island sounds like but Jordan says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Joe as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Joe successfully burps not only the National Anthem of a deserted island but also God Save The Queen, Ooops i did it again and the theme tune to X factor. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Joe tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Jordan and Cassie are nominated.

23 - Jordan and Cassie take their nominations well and sit down with Joe and Claz to discuss why they voted for them. Joe keeps quiet but Claz accuses Jordan of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Man boobs before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Cassie out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Cassie leaves.

25 - Joe becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Joe's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Matt's trouser snake dung using only a Fridge. Joe is unsure but Jordan is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Jordan breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Matt's trouser snake incident from his childhood. Claz tries to persuade him to stay but Joe sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Jordan decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Matt's trouser snake dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Claz from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Joe asks Claz to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Joe nominates Claz to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Claz.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Claz graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Joe is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Joe takes his £70,000 and runs away to a deserted island. Nobody, including Claz, ever sees him again.

[Flap]

Loolll nice findd