LMAO AT THIS!

[Rawr]

It creates a 30 day storyline for you as if you were in the Big Brother house. Just fill in the boxes first and create your days in the house.

Some of it is pure class.

http://www.btinternet.com/~mark1/ser...igbrother.html

[Revis]

Delete

[Honesty]

Lmao.

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Craig admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Clarissa. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Cassie is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Matt later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Tom creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Helen hits him with a Washing machine.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Empire state building out of Sausage. After much persuasion by Tom, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Empire state building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Matt, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the Sausage. Helen is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Empire state building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Matt farts and blows Empire state building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Clarissa cries.

6 - Tom gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Clarissa admits that she likes to be spanked on the **** with a Washing machine. Craig says he never wears condoms because they make his Willy sore and Tom agrees. Cassie goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Matt sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Tom.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Craig goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Helen and Clarissa are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Craig.

9 - Helen and Clarissa are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Cassie sings them a song - Hit Me Baby One More Time - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Clarissa out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Clarissa leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Clarissa's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Cassie has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Helen is visibly depressed and is comforted by Tom, who tries to touch her on her ****ies.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Tom touching Helen's ****ies over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Matt refuses to run because his Willy hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Matt finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Helen calls Matt a lazy Willy.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Craig tells everyone individually that he thinks Helen is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Helen and Tom are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Craig.

16 - The nominations are announced. Helen can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Tom is equally stunned and turns to Helen for comfort. Matt is distraught and confesses to Cassie that he thinks he is in love with Tom. Cassie says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Tom out of the house. Helen says she is gutted and even gives Tom a clipping of hair from her ****ies to prove how much she cares. Matt is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Tom leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Helen clipping the hair from her ****ies. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of England in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of England sounds like but Matt says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Craig as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Craig successfully burps not only the National Anthem of England but also God Save The Queen, Hit Me Baby One More Time and the theme tune to Family Guy. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Craig tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Matt and Cassie are nominated.

23 - Matt and Cassie take their nominations well and sit down with Craig and Helen to discuss why they voted for them. Craig keeps quiet but Helen accuses Matt of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Willy before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Cassie out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Cassie leaves.

25 - Craig becomes the first housemate to have a ****. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Craig's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Polar Bear dung using only a Washing machine. Craig is unsure but Matt is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Matt breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Polar Bear incident from his childhood. Helen tries to persuade him to stay but Craig sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Matt decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Polar Bear dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by Helen from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Craig asks Helen to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Craig nominates Helen to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Helen.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Helen graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Craig is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Craig takes his £70,000 and runs away to England. Nobody, including Helen, ever sees him again.

[Jordan3]

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Ryan admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Helen. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Clarissa is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Jordan later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Justin creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Cassie hits him with a spork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Jordan's ***** out of Pizza. After much persuasion by Justin, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Jordan's ***** task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Jordan, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the Pizza. Cassie is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Jordan's ***** task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Jordan farts and blows Jordan's ***** over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Helen cries.

6 - Justin gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Helen admits that she likes to be spanked on the **** with a spork. Ryan says he never wears condoms because they make his Toe sore and Justin agrees. Clarissa goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Jordan sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Justin.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Ryan goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Cassie and Helen are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Ryan.

9 - Cassie and Helen are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Clarissa sings them a song - The Ketchup Song - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Helen out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Helen leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Helen's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Clarissa has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Cassie is visibly depressed and is comforted by Justin, who tries to touch her on her ******.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Justin touching Cassie's ****** over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Jordan refuses to run because his Toe hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Jordan finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Cassie calls Jordan a lazy Toe.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Ryan tells everyone individually that he thinks Cassie is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Cassie and Justin are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Ryan.

16 - The nominations are announced. Cassie can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Justin is equally stunned and turns to Cassie for comfort. Jordan is distraught and confesses to Clarissa that he thinks he is in love with Justin. Clarissa says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Justin out of the house. Cassie says she is gutted and even gives Justin a clipping of hair from her ****** to prove how much she cares. Jordan is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Justin leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Cassie clipping the hair from her ******. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Bangladesh in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bangladesh sounds like but Jordan says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Ryan as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Ryan successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bangladesh but also God Save The Queen, The Ketchup Song and the theme tune to Big Brother. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Ryan tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Jordan and Clarissa are nominated.

23 - Jordan and Clarissa take their nominations well and sit down with Ryan and Cassie to discuss why they voted for them. Ryan keeps quiet but Cassie accuses Jordan of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Toe before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Clarissa out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Clarissa leaves.

25 - Ryan becomes the first housemate to have a ****. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Ryan's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Ant dung using only a spork. Ryan is unsure but Jordan is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Jordan breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Ant incident from his childhood. Cassie tries to persuade him to stay but Ryan sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Jordan decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Ant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by Cassie from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Ryan asks Cassie to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Ryan nominates Cassie to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Cassie.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Cassie graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Ryan is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Ryan takes his £70,000 and runs away to Bangladesh. Nobody, including Cassie, ever sees him again.

[Ryan+Joe]

LMAO YAY I WINN in jords

Day 1 - Jordan admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Helen. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Clarissa is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Justin later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Benji creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Cassandra hits him with a fork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of ryans house out of hot cross buns. After much persuasion by Benji, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the ryans house task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Justin, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the hot cross buns. Cassandra is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the ryans house task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Justin farts and blows ryans house over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Helen cries.

6 - Benji gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Helen admits that she likes to be spanked on the **** with a fork. Jordan says he never wears condoms because they make his Pen0r sore and Benji agrees. Clarissa goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Justin sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Benji.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Jordan goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Cassandra and Helen are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Jordan.

9 - Cassandra and Helen are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Clarissa sings them a song - Trivium - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Helen out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Helen leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Helen's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Clarissa has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Cassandra is visibly depressed and is comforted by Benji, who tries to touch her on her ****.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Benji touching Cassandra's **** over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Justin refuses to run because his Pen0r hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Justin finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Cassandra calls Justin a lazy Pen0r.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Jordan tells everyone individually that he thinks Cassandra is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Cassandra and Benji are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Jordan.

16 - The nominations are announced. Cassandra can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Benji is equally stunned and turns to Cassandra for comfort. Justin is distraught and confesses to Clarissa that he thinks he is in love with Benji. Clarissa says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Benji out of the house. Cassandra says she is gutted and even gives Benji a clipping of hair from her **** to prove how much she cares. Justin is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Benji leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Cassandra clipping the hair from her ****. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Peru in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Peru sounds like but Justin says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Jordan as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Jordan successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Peru but also God Save The Queen, Trivium and the theme tune to you're so fit. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Jordan tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Justin and Clarissa are nominated.

23 - Justin and Clarissa take their nominations well and sit down with Jordan and Cassandra to discuss why they voted for them. Jordan keeps quiet but Cassandra accuses Justin of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Pen0r before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Clarissa out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Clarissa leaves.

25 - Jordan becomes the first housemate to have a ****. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Jordan's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of penguin dung using only a fork. Jordan is unsure but Justin is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Justin breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the penguin incident from his childhood. Cassandra tries to persuade him to stay but Jordan sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Justin decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the penguin dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by Cassandra from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Jordan asks Cassandra to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Jordan nominates Cassandra to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Cassandra.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Cassandra graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Jordan is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Jordan takes his £70,000 and runs away to Peru. Nobody, including Cassandra, ever sees him again.

[MattUH]

Big Brother!

Day 1 - michael admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of ky. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, hannah is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although mathew later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. adam creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. leanne hits him with a shower.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of two towers out of pizza. After much persuasion by adam, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the two towers task is well under way. However havoc ensues when mathew, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the pizza. leanne is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the two towers task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when mathew farts and blows two towers over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. ky cries.

6 - adam gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, ky admits that she likes to be spanked on the **** with a shower. michael says he never wears condoms because they make his **** sore and adam agrees. hannah goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. mathew sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up adam.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. michael goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. leanne and ky are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for michael.

9 - leanne and ky are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. hannah sings them a song - we will win - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote ky out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. ky leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with ky's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. hannah has to make do without the cucumber she requested. leanne is visibly depressed and is comforted by adam, who tries to touch her on her ****s.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of adam touching leanne's ****s over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that mathew refuses to run because his **** hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. mathew finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. leanne calls mathew a lazy ****.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. michael tells everyone individually that he thinks leanne is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. leanne and adam are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for michael.

16 - The nominations are announced. leanne can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. adam is equally stunned and turns to leanne for comfort. mathew is distraught and confesses to hannah that he thinks he is in love with adam. hannah says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote adam out of the house. leanne says she is gutted and even gives adam a clipping of hair from her ****s to prove how much she cares. mathew is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. adam leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of leanne clipping the hair from her ****s. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of uk in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of uk sounds like but mathew says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose michael as the one who must complete the task.

21 - michael successfully burps not only the National Anthem of uk but also God Save The Queen, we will win and the theme tune to Charmed. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and michael tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. mathew and hannah are nominated.

23 - mathew and hannah take their nominations well and sit down with michael and leanne to discuss why they voted for them. michael keeps quiet but leanne accuses mathew of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred **** before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote hannah out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. hannah leaves.

25 - michael becomes the first housemate to have a ****. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of michael's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Bear dung using only a shower. michael is unsure but mathew is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, mathew breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Bear incident from his childhood. leanne tries to persuade him to stay but michael sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. mathew decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Bear dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by leanne from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. michael asks leanne to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly michael nominates leanne to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does leanne.

30 - When the nomination is announced, leanne graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that michael is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. michael takes his £70,000 and runs away to uk. Nobody, including leanne, ever sees him again.

[Seatherny]

haha its funny

[iluvben]

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Willis admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Helen. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Bef is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Ryan later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Billy creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Claz hits him with a DNO.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Empire State Building out of Pasta. After much persuasion by Billy, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Empire State Building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Ryan, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the Pasta. Claz is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Empire State Building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Ryan farts and blows Empire State Building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Helen cries.

6 - Billy gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Helen admits that she likes to be spanked on the **** with a DNO. Willis says he never wears condoms because they make his **** sore and Billy agrees. Bef goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Ryan sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Billy.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Willis goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Claz and Helen are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Willis.

9 - Claz and Helen are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Bef sings them a song - Opps i did it again - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Helen out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Helen leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Helen's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Bef has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Claz is visibly depressed and is comforted by Billy, who tries to touch her on her ****ies.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Billy touching Claz's ****ies over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Ryan refuses to run because his **** hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Ryan finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Claz calls Ryan a lazy ****.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Willis tells everyone individually that he thinks Claz is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Claz and Billy are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Willis.

16 - The nominations are announced. Claz can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Billy is equally stunned and turns to Claz for comfort. Ryan is distraught and confesses to Bef that he thinks he is in love with Billy. Bef says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Billy out of the house. Claz says she is gutted and even gives Billy a clipping of hair from her ****ies to prove how much she cares. Ryan is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Billy leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Claz clipping the hair from her ****ies. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Bangeldesh in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bangeldesh sounds like but Ryan says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Willis as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Willis successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bangeldesh but also God Save The Queen, Opps i did it again and the theme tune to Charmed. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Willis tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Ryan and Bef are nominated.

23 - Ryan and Bef take their nominations well and sit down with Willis and Claz to discuss why they voted for them. Willis keeps quiet but Claz accuses Ryan of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred **** before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Bef out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Bef leaves.

25 - Willis becomes the first housemate to have a ****. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Willis's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Horse dung using only a DNO. Willis is unsure but Ryan is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Ryan breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Horse incident from his childhood. Claz tries to persuade him to stay but Willis sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Ryan decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Horse dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by Claz from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Willis asks Claz to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Willis nominates Claz to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Claz.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Claz graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Willis is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Willis takes his £70,000 and runs away to Bangeldesh. Nobody, including Claz, ever sees him again.

Rofl

[iluvben]

Ryan you homo in mine -s******s-

[Honesty]

lmao, why am i always the lesbian?