Discover Habbo's history
Treat yourself with a Secret Santa gift.... of a random Wiki page for you to start exploring Habbo's history!
Happy holidays!
Celebrate with us at Habbox on the hotel, on our Forum and right here!
Join Habbox!
One of us! One of us! Click here to see the roles you could take as part of the Habbox community!


Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    1,012
    Tokens
    175

    Latest Awards:

    Default [Name Undicided]

    This is the prelude to my story which I have not named yet.

    I looked around. Blackness. Blackness everywhere I looked. How long had I been out? A couple of hours, days at the most I guessed, but that’s not what I was worrying about. I was worrying about how to get out of here. I couldn’t remember anything, then it all started coming back to me…


    You don't like me
    Chances are I don't like you.

  2. #2

    Default

    Very good, but i've spotted a grammar mistake. Instead of writing: "I looked around. Blackness." you could change it to: "I looked around...blackness" or: "I looked around; blackness."

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    1,012
    Tokens
    175

    Latest Awards:

    Default

    Ok Only writing because message is too short


    You don't like me
    Chances are I don't like you.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Bucks, UK
    Posts
    800
    Tokens
    0

    Default

    It would be inappropriate to use a semi-colon here because the second clause is not adverbial or complementary. It also would not be used in place of a subordinating conjunctive (a conjunction used to link one clause to another if the second clause cannot stand on its own independantly). You could however use the ellipsis (...) or a normal colon. I would personally go with the former.
    Try everything once, even the things you don't think you'll like.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    923
    Tokens
    0

    Default

    Hm i like it. I wonder what the story will be like.


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •