English C/W

[Random]

Do you think this will do for my creative writing?

I walked down the long winding corridor, as dark and scary as it was i knew i had to reach the end. Passing paintings which depicted funerals and others showing the deceased themselves worried me of what was going to happen to me. I carried on walking, trying not to glance at the paintings and startle myself any further. The floorboards creaked as i walked and i could sense an aberrant atmosphere surrounding me. Reaching out with a firm hand, i turned the large victorian door handle and slowly pushed the door open. Standing there, I walked through the door frame cautiously always looking behind me to see if i was safe. I walked a few paces forward and suddenly a torch bolted to the wall lit itself asif by magic and filled the room with light. Bookshevles filled the room and infront of me stood an elegant fireplace and a solid oak mantle, upon which stood more pictures of which must have been the residents of the house. I walked over to one row of books and took one from the shelf, whilst reading the title to myself and flicking through the first few pages, I suddenly felt a shiver run down my spine and as i turned around i witnessed an orb slowly travelling across the room with a trail being left. I didn't know what to do, I quickly put the book back onto the shelf and from no where came a screech of horror. I turned around and ran towards the door from which i came, onto to find that it was no longer there, but in its place was a suit of armour which in the surroundings it stood seemed out of place and looked alot more modern. Without thinking further i tried to find a way out of the room. I ran over to the fireplace and looked up the chimney but all i could see was darkness, which puzzled me as there was no light at the top which suggested it had been covered. I turned to the direction of which the bookshelves stood, only to find they had also gone and all that remained was a hole in the floor with steps leading to a lower chamber. Taking my chances i walked down the steep and narrow passage, noticing blood stains on the walls. This being my only option i had to continue regardless of how worried i was. Once i reached the end of the passage, there was a door which seemed like solid stone. I tried to open the door but had no luck, so i took a closer look at the door. I started to inspect the wall and noticed writing engraved into the stone. Reading from the top "Here lies the mortal body of....", I knelt down to the floor and wiped away the green moss which had grown around the bottom of the stone. "...Melzar, May his spirit live on.". I was clearly in a Tumulus, and with no warning as soon as i stood the large stone door started to move. I didn't know what to exspect and decided to simply enter the room and take a look around. Light filled the room again from a torch on the wall and in the centre of the room stood a huge sarcophagus, engraved with pictures of battle scenes and dead bodys. At the centre of the sarcophagus was a circle which had an image of a huge muscular creature, dressed in armour and wielding a huge weapon which could only be described as a huge axe. I was curious of what was housed inside this massive stone container, i pushed the lid and continued to push until there was enough of it open for me to look inside. I saw a tall body shaped object which was covered in what seemed to be cloth, i delicately tryed to remove the cover although as i did a hand snapped and grabbed my wrist. I pulled and pulled to try and get away but my efforts did nothing. My heart was racing and i didn't know who or what was holding onto my arm. Up out of the tomb raised a huge body. There stood a muscular creature standing 8ft tall and in one hand sat an axe. I tryed to kick him and loose my arm, but he rose me off the floor and stood there staring into my eyes. "Who dares to disturb my rest" said an extremely deep voice which showed authority. I was in a state of shock and after trying to say my name nothing came out and i just hung there from his grasp. I watched the hand in which the axe lay and the arm slowly started the move. The creatures biceps started to tense and veins popped out of the skin. With a massive blow the creature smashed the floor with his weapon and a crack shot across the floor, with dirt and stone rising into the air from the force. "I am Melzar the Wretched, You must now feel my force", he shouted. I started to wriggle and as he raised his arm to swing the axe, he lost the grip on my arm and i fell to the floor. Without looking back i ran towards the stone door i came from and up the steep stairway, falling over steps in the struggle to reach the top. I made it back into the room with the fireplace. But still in the position where the door had been still stood the suit of armour. I knew that i was locked in this room and knew that Melzar was soon going to make it up the stairway and find me. I grabbed the suit of armour and tryed to put it on. I picked up the helmet first and managed to fit it onto my head. Then after some struggle i managed to put the legs and plate on. I stood there without a weapon, waiting for Melzar to enter the room and find me. I heard a loud banging noise which seemed to be getting closer and knew that he was making his way up the stairs. Up out of the hole he rose, and the look on his face showed pure anger due to me getting away. "You must now die, Prefare for battle" he said with authority. I still had no weapon and didn't know how i was going to fight such a huge person. I ran over to him and swung my fist at his face but with no effort at all he just stood there and grabbed my arm and threw me back across the room and into the fireplace. I lay there surrounded by rubble with a massive gash across my forehead and what seemed a broken arm. I looked around and noticed that next to me lay a firepoker. I picked it up knowing that even though it would do little damage, i would have more of a chance. I held it in my hand and slowly walked over to him. I raised my arm and swiftly aimed for his chest, although as soon as Melzar tried to block his chest i switched direction and stabbed in the eye. He let out a might roar and started to hold his eye. Knowing that this was my chance, i started to hit him over the head with all the force i could use, although as soon as i did he raised his mighty arm and swung the axe at me. I tried to jump out the way but i was too slow, the axe penetrated my waist and blood sprayed from my body. I fell to the floor and started to feel light headed. I could hear him laughing and could hear his footsteps as he advanced back down the stairs towards his tomb. I tried to crawl along the floor but with only one arm available and blood gushing from my side i didn't advance very far. I heard whispering sounds and once again noticed the ord moving around the room. Ghostly bodys started to appear infront of me, all of which showed signs on injuries. One ghost stood tall with only one arm with another ghost holding onto him, who appeared to have the majority of his leg missing. "We are all ghosts who have had battles with Melzar and failed, You must now join us to roam this house for eternity", came a high pitched voice. I felt no pain anymore and tried to get up off the floor, only to notice that i was weightless and somewhat transparent. Realising i was a ghost and had died, i started to cry and had wished i had never tried to look big infront of my friends. I had only entered the house because it was rumoured to be haunted and to fit in with the kids at school i had to spend a night here and now I'm dead.......

[Grindie]

Ermm, I couldn't be bothered to read it all, but I suggest you paragraph it =]

[emo...]

maybe put a line in between the different sections. it all seems like one biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig clump.

[Random]

I'm gunna put paragraphs in, just showing the writin.

[Pyros!]

You know how easy it would be to plagarise this piece of writing? I got a B in my original writing, and I couldnt be bothered to read it, simply because it wa sa large clump.

quickly looking thourgh it, I noticed that your 'i's where not capitalised. I don't know why, but you need to capitalise the letter 'I' when writing about yourself.

[Pawf]

Rather unimaginative plot, try and spice it up a little bit. Also if you are aiming for high marks then you need to use semi-colons and other advanced forms of punctuation.

Capital letters for proper nouns ('I' and 'Victorian')

Argh! An ellipses is three periods; THREE not SEVEN! If you are going to end it on an ellipses (clichéd but never mind) then at least make it a proper one.