i feel really useless

[NIKKEE]

yeah, as the title says, i feel useless.
like, my friend is anorexic, really bad, at one point she had 3 months to live, and we havent really talked about it since then, and we were on this boat and all she had was a bit of cucumber, and i was just all, emma ffs would you just eat!
and she said no... because she would get fat, and she is disgustingly thin...
i feel like im the only one who cares, like everday i would be the one who told the teacher whether she ate or not, and i did finally manage to get her to eat some bread...
but me and my friends... we all bit.ch about each other, and that means they probably do it about me.
i feel like im the only one who ever really cares about my friends, and anyone else for that matter, and no one really does.
like, if i got really ill would anyone care?
or if i died would anyone come to my funeral
and whenever im talking to my boyfriend... i feel that im in his way, and im really boring, and ament interesting.
and i know alot of people will probably criticise me, but well, i dont care.
i sometimes really want to show off the real me, who is, normally pretty funny, i can make my friends laugh, but whenever i try doing this with other people... i end up looking weird.. and now i just want to change, change how i look and the way i am, and try and do more things, just so i'll be a better person for everyone.
i don't really know what to do, and i havent said this to anyone either, but this is a teen life problem, and im a teen, talking about my life
and its really really boring.
sometimes id even like to blame my friends for me being boring, because all we do is go to the cinema, or shop.
in our spare time we complain, we bit.ch about each other and
LOL sorry, but how ironic, the dove self seteem fund thing advert came on
"because every girl deserves to feel good about herself"
ha...
yes, and my friends, yes, they tell jokes, and get annoyed if i dont laugh, i only dont laugh, because its not funny, and its probably why i spend so much time online too, because there is nothing else to do
and i just want so much more, an exciting life, and i wish i wasnt who i am, i wish i was better
a perfect girlfriend, and a perfect friend, and i try, but i just dont... succeed
and sorry, but i just wanted to get all that out.

[JT-Fan]

Dude be proud of who you are. Trust me, no ones life is this happy family perfect life. We all have problems. With your friend perhaps just speak to her about it, confront her and support her. With your mates, dude we are teenagers. Slating people off is what we do best! I'm sure I have spoken about all my mates behind their back and they have spoken about me, it's teenage life! Stop beating yourself up over it, you are still young you have a whole life ahead of you! You can try in life and anyone can be whoever they want to be.
You can be what you dream to be.
Just focus and try hard in life, and it's great you are expressing your emotions out it's better to do that than to keep it all bottled up inside.
Good luck.

[NIKKEE]

yes, but i do speak to her about it.
i blame everyone else for how ****** my life is, like when i have nothing to do or cant afford sometihng, i blame my mum for not having a better job, or when i cant trust some people, i blame my dad.
and i dont like knowing tht my friends probably talk about me,
i wish i was something better, definately, and especially for my boyfriend, cuz i know i dont deserve him, he deserves way better, i know he does, and believfe me, i neevr keep anything in, i shout and scream, dont bottle things in ever.
but just been thinking really deeply recently and i really wish i wasn't me, and i used to kid myself that my life was pretty awesome, and now its so boring and theres nothing to do and i want to make a difference somewhere, and i feel like i cant, cuz im just this 14 year old who knows nothing, and can do nothing
and its really annoying
but thank you very much! :]

Edit by Rupsie [Forum Mod]: Please do not swear.

[JT-Fan]

yes, but i do speak to her about it.
i blame everyone else for how ****** my life is, like when i have nothing to do or cant afford sometihng, i blame my mum for not having a better job, or when i cant trust some people, i blame my dad.
and i dont like knowing tht my friends probably talk about me,
i wish i was something better, definately, and especially for my boyfriend, cuz i know i dont deserve him, he deserves way better, i know he does, and believfe me, i neevr keep anything in, i shout and scream, dont bottle things in ever.
but just been thinking really deeply recently and i really wish i wasn't me, and i used to kid myself that my life was pretty awesome, and now its so boring and theres nothing to do and i want to make a difference somewhere, and i feel like i cant, cuz im just this 14 year old who knows nothing, and can do nothing
and its really annoying
but thank you very much! :]

Correction, you are an intelligent 14 year old boy. Don't blame your family they do the best in circumstances, it's hard to cope. Don't bottle everything in. Work hard at school and get a good job. I'm gonna use my sister as an example. She was a normal student but then she started to work at school, she was like you. She came out with 10a's and a B in her gcses.
Just stay focused, Your life isn't over until you have lived it.

[NIKKEE]

*****
girl***
dude
GIRLLL

Edit by Rupsie [Forum Mod]: [Please do not swear.

[JT-Fan]

*****
girl***
dude
GIRLLL

Oh sorry.

[NIKKEE]

:]
and i don't really see what school has to do with anything
im good in school
it isn't a problem
if anything
....it bored me to tears

[NIKKEE]

and you're forgiven

Edit by Rupsie [Forum mod]: Please do not double post simply edit your previous one.

[JT-Fan]

:]
and i don't really see what school has to do with anything
im good in school
it isn't a problem
if anything
....it bored me to tears

What I am saying is that you say you want this "perfect" lifestyle so you can achieve it. But no ones life is perfect you have to make the most out of what you have got. Work hard, get a good job. Do all the things your mother never did, be a whole new person.
The world is to be explored.

[NIKKEE]

i guess,
but if you lived where i lived you would hate it too
full of neds and so many annoying people
and theres nothing to do
i have to travel to get to fun,
and even then
its not fun...
i just want to get out of here and run and scream my head off until i cry then laugh
i just want a huge giant field
LOL
but i cant have that
so, ill need to think of something,
hopefully i can think of something before the holidays end