:D my 1st peice of coursework!!!

[Ree...]

for my "creative writing" coursework

They all stared at him as if he was some kind of freak, but, as if nothing had happened, Alfie just stood up, and carried on looking for his father.

Well, I suppose you’re wondering what on earth is going on? Alfie is a young lad, six years of age to be precise. Alfie doesn’t go to school because he got severely bullied, due to his past. When he was born, Alfie had something wrong with his brain, loosing the link between his emotions and his eyes. Alfie cannot cry.

So off he went, after falling over, with no tears, to find his father. Alfie’s father, Ray, works in a dump, which is lovely for Alfie, as he is a strong believer of the saying “One mans junk is another’s treasure”. Speaking of treasure, Alfie came across a lump of glass. He picked it up, but oh, this wasn’t any ordinary lump of glass! Of course not! It was a snow globe, sparkling beautifully in the sun. Ting! Ting! Alfie was amazed, the snow globe made sounds when he shook it, it was fascinating. So he shook it some more. Staring so deeply into the globe, Alfie forgot everything around him.

“ALFIE!!” he heard his father call. Alfie jumped, as he heard his father, and dropped the snow globe on the floor, as he ran to his father, hearing a sudden crash behind him. But… what? His father was nowhere to be seen, and neither was the dump, nor the snow globe. Alfie was in a completely different place, beautiful, but different. Snow flakes were falling everywhere; soft untouched snow lied on top of the earth, like a freshly iced cake. Mountains were covered by clouds far away in the distance, but not a person in sight, only pieces of broken glass on the untouched virgin snow.

Where am I? Where is everybody? How on earth did I get here? Too many questions were running through Alfie’s mind, but would they ever be answered?

After hours of walking, Alfie was very close to the mountains, the only place he would be able to have shelter for the night. Starting to walk towards the cave, he thought he heard feet patting in the snow, yet still just assumed them to be his own.

It’s freezing. It’s too cold for him. It’s unbearable! Almost shivering himself to sleep, Alfie felt something on his leg. Alfie shot up from where he was sitting and hastily backed away, heading towards the door, but outside was a big snowstorm! He had to stay in the shelter. He turned to look at the polar bear, but it just looked at him. It wasn’t a glare. It was a look of need, a look of warmth. Slowly the polar bear held up his paw towards Alfie, and then laid down. Cautiously, Alfie moved closer to the polar bear, and stroked him.
"I'm going to call you Blizzard!" said Alfie, looking out on the snowstorm. He was so soft, so smooth and silky, it reminded him of the furry cushions he had at home. Oh how he missed his home. Slowly he rested his head on the bear’s tummy, so comfortable, and so warm.






Yar. bear in mind (HAHA GEDDIT? BEAR? POLAR BEAR? HAHA) that this is my 1st peice of coursework so far AND it isnt finished yet

basicly wot happens next is

• wolf comes along n wants to eat alfie
• polar bear fights him off but gets injured
• hez gna die unless he gets a human tear of lurrrve (cheesy i no, but evryone else woz writing about murder!!! so i fort i'd be different)
• we find out dat alfie doesnt have a missing link to his emotions nd his eyes! the only reason he dnt cry is coz he'z neva had a friend before dat has a place in his heart but now he has one!!
• he criez on the polar bear n he'z all better
• in his teardrop woz a bit of glass from the snowglobe that takes him home!
• when he gets home he goes up to his room and ders a teddy polar bear sittin on his bed! coz i just fort dat wood be cute!

right basically
i want u to give me CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM!!!!!! i dnt want ppl goin "o kl +rep" coz i no it aint perfect
i wana no wot i shood change n wot i shood keep + improvements!!!

ty!! much love xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Blue]

awwww i lurve it. Really cute. Really like the ting ting bit. I will give CC but only when the whole things up (cause me myself can't find anything wrong with this bit). And thats why u wanted the polar bears name.

[Ree...]

lol thanks benny

Slowly he rested his head on the bear’s tummy, so comfortable, and so warm.

onthat bit i woz gna write "so comfortable, and so welcoming"
as in like makin u feel at home
but i decided not to cz it wood sound like hes gna get eaten lol!!!!!

[Blue]

lol lured into sleeping on the belly then eaten in his sleep. I get what u mean with welcoming, it would remind me a bit of lion, the witch and the wardrobe when they get given the turkish delight...

[i luv ross]

dats well gd!
gd luk x just rememba neva 2 start a sentence with 'and' or 'but' which u avent dun

[Ree...]

i hav done that i fink... wait ther lol

[Blue]

lol not very clever but thats why u get other ppl to tell u what to look for

[Ree...]

i hav done that i fink... wait ther lol

“ALFIE!!” he heard his father call. Alfie jumped, as he heard his father, and dropped the snow globe on the floor, as he ran to his father, hearing a sudden crash behind him. But… what?

ooppsssiiieess

EDIT:

http://img506.imageshack.us/my.php?i...anksmumgb7.png

mummziee found some mistakes! HAHA

[jordybumz!]

it's v good!

you spelt losing wrong here "loosing the link between his emotions and his eyes. Alfie cannot cry."

[Ree...]

it's v good!

you spelt losing wrong here "loosing the link between his emotions and his eyes. Alfie cannot cry."

o y didnt word spellchek dat 4 me? :S ty x