Las Vegas - My Story

[ignitionhost]

My story about las vegas, this isn't the start, the starting bit's on paper, so i'll sumarize..
Diamond - Main character
Crooks - Sub character - hates diamond visa versa

Both very rich, owns casinos, have body guards.
crooks and diamond play poekr, diamond wins, crooks can't take it, tries to shoot diamond, misses, but runs out of the room, and..

As Crooks entered the casino main room, several of Diamonds bodyguards opened fire at him, however Crooks had some men working undercover, pretending just to be a gambler but hearing action through their ear pieces pulled out hidden guns and shot the bodyguards before they could say bullet. Diamond burst through the door and shot the nearest two men with his automatic reloading revolver. He ran after Crooks through the double doors just in time to see him leaving in his Mercedes. He swore.
As he returned back through the door, the fighting had ceased. His chief bodyguard came up to him.
“All his men are dead sir, we’ve lost 7 of our own”
“I don’t give a damn, I’ve just lost two million dollars,” shouted Diamond. “Send our four best guys after him, but tell them not to touch him, but to report back with any news”
“Yes, sir” replied the bodyguard, and he walked off.
“and don’t forget to move those gas canisters from the kitchen” Diamond shouted after him.

After two weeks the casino was back open and bringing in the customers, Diamond was raking it in, as usual for a Friday night. He couldn’t believe his luck, until his ear –piece buzzed and he got a message that made his heart stop. There was a phone call waiting for him downstairs, from Mr Malone, the loan Shark. He poured himself a glass of vodka, downing it, and picked up the phone.
“Hello, Mr Malone”
“Good evening Mr Harrison, I do believe you still owe me some money”
“Er.. yes, yes I do, I have it all here, I’ll send it round with one of my boys tomorrow morning” stuttered Diamond nervously.
“Ah, but a little birdy tells me you lost a game of poker, a sum of two million dollars, how do you expect to pay me if you are so short on money?”
“Um, I’ll get it. I’ll find a way.”
“You have one more week. You don’t want to let me down,” said Malone, smoothly before putting the phone down.

The next morning Diamond got out of bed and walked to the paper box. He took out the paper, put the kettle on, and sat down. He glanced at the first page and saw in bright bold letters “massive insurance pay out for burnt down building”
“That’s it!” he cried aloud
“I’ll burn down the casino, no just the restaurant, and get the money for the insurance” He leaped up from his chair and ran upstairs to get changed.

Twenty-four hours later Diamond was in his restaurant covering it with petrol. The whole place smelt of fumes, like a petrol station but far worse. He poked his head round the deliveries door to make sure no one was close by. Then going back into the kitchen, taking a pan and turning on the stove, poured half a bottle of cooking oil into it, then left the kitchen, The fat would take a while to ignite which would leave him time to get back into his house, and back into bed.

An hour later his phone rang. He answered it; it was his chief bodyguard.
“Boss, the casino’s burnt down, everything’s gone”
“what?! Everything?”
“Yes boss, the whole building, they think it started in the kitchens”
“Are you being serious? The whole building? The actual casino?”
“Yes boss, the police want you down here straight away”
“Okay, tell them I’ll be there in 15 minutes”
“Oh, Boss…”
“Yes? What is it?”
“Nothing, don’t worry, see you in 15”

Diamond swore. How could this happen? Only the restaurant should’ve burnt down, not the whole casino! Why was the chief being so awkward with me? Oh I know, he must have forgot to move those gas canisters. I’ll kill him!


When diamond arrived at the casino it was a mess, there was a fire engine now not spraying water, but fireman sorting out the wreckage. A policeman signalled him from about five meters a way, he walked over there and put on a truly anguished face.
“What’s happened? It was fine last night and now…”
“Too soon to say sir,” replied the officer in a high classed voice.
“Do you have any idea of how this started? Was it an accident or did someone torch the place?” replied Diamond in a pained voice.
“Not yet sir, the fire men are clearing through the wreckage as we speak, they’ll find out sooner or later.”
The chief fireman came to talk to the officer.
“I think I’ve found something,” said the fireman as he signalled for them to follow.
They walked over to what looked like the kitchen,
“We think it started in the kitchen, where the most damage occurred.”
“But how did the whole casino burn down? Surely a small kitchen fire couldn’t burn everything down. Could it?” replied Diamond.
“Ah, now, there where some half empty gas canisters left lying around, they must have blown up.”
“Gas canisters you say? Ah, I remember! I told someone to move them, he must have forgotten.”
“Well for now that’s all we can tell you, we’ll be in touch,” said the fireman, and he walked off to join the search through the rubble.


This has gone all wrong! It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, well at least I can try and get the insurance for it, but my casino’s gone, my life time investment, my dream! All gone up in smoke. Right, next step is call the insurance people. Where did I leave the number…?

The next morning the inspectors were there bright and early, and bombarding Diamond with questions.
“Where were you on the night of the incident?”
“Have you any proof?”
“Witnesses?”
“Do you know anyone who would wish to harm you?”
“Why were there gas canisters in the kitchen?”
“Who was the last person on the premises that night?”
“We’ll need a full list of staff who were working that night.”

By noon that day all questions had been answered, a report had been filled out, and the inspectors had left. Diamond was pretty confident of winning the claim, all he needed to do now was wait.

notes on what's going to happen next

House gets smashed up by malone. Gets phone call from him. Gets insurance money. Trackers find out where crooks is living. Runs away from malone + tries to find crooks.

Hope you enjoyed it so far,
I'll post any updates ..
Rare, comment and cunstructive critism.
Rep if worthy..
Thanks
Iggy :8

NOTE: Italics are his thoughts

[2hd.]

good, it started off a bit weird osunding but was v.good. 7/10

[ignitionhost]

good, it started off a bit weird osunding but was v.good. 7/10

Thanks
- how did it sound weird? *tries not to me offensive*, so i can make it better ?

[Fawne]

I thought it was very good.
Good insights onto the Characters.
But everything can have an improvement

[Mentor]

4/10 . athogh there are some good bits the story doesnt flow, and the style is dijoined. plus ther were parts where, it just had

this happened, then this happened, then this happened.

whithout any reson, or anything to connect them.

also the story has a strong resmblence from ocians 11, in some places.

Charcter you did use were good. but you need sub charicters rather than just, fireman. etc. need impovment.
Aslo i dont get teh plot, he randomly for no reson owes mony to a loan shark, even thog hhes raking it in, he cant pay etc. and tehres explocives just lying around on the flaw, as well as being able to cover somewhere in pertal without any suspition :/

[ignitionhost]

4/10 . athogh there are some good bits the story doesnt flow, and the style is dijoined. plus ther were parts where, it just had

this happened, then this happened, then this happened.

whithout any reson, or anything to connect them.

also the story has a strong resmblence from ocians 11, in some places.

Charcter you did use were good. but you need sub charicters rather than just, fireman. etc. need impovment.
Aslo i dont get teh plot, he randomly for no reson owes mony to a loan shark, even thog hhes raking it in, he cant pay etc. and tehres explocives just lying around on the flaw, as well as being able to cover somewhere in pertal without any suspition :/

I party agree with you, and the reason it was so complciated, becuase this wasn't the start, as i said at the beggining. There wasn't explosives, they where gas canisters, for the kitchen cookers.

[Surname]

Sorry, didn't like it
It was alright, abit violent, but, it just didn't have the "it" factor. Some parts were good though... Anyway, that's only in my humble opinion.

[ignitionhost]

Sorry, didn't like it
It was alright, abit violent, but, it just didn't have the "it" factor. Some parts were good though... Anyway, that's only in my humble opinion.

Lol .. I'm only twelve so i think it's good for my age .. and yes it does have rather alot of fighting, 'cause that's what i like