My scary movie called Ripper Crippler rate out of 10 bloodkane story 18

[Randy-ortonrko]

It was a dark night everyone was in bed but there was one person that wasnt he was called jack but that night his family and him was in a fire and the house blowed up and jacks body was smothered with fire all over him then that same year Jack came back and was out to kill everybody but that night jack went out and sat near the lamppost right outside his house and then a boy called tom looked out his window and saw the boy jack but then jack turned around and then chucked a cat out of his mouth and killed the boy he done it to everyone but there was one boy who saw him and then jack turned around again and chucked the cat out his mouth but the boy william doged it and went into the old burnt house then jack said:
Im never going to lay foot in that house again
william shouted: Why not your parents are calling you they want you
Jack shouted: They dont no they dont they didnt love me
Wiliam shouted: They do that day when you died they was going to give you a toy.
Jack said: Im sorry father and mother
His mum and dad said and jack said: Thank you william ill make everyone come back to life goodbye
so years went on and no one buyed the house and sometimes jack use to come back to his house and william went to see him

The End.

[lauralol]

I LOVE YOUR STORIES SO MUCH WOW 10/10 + REP WHAT ELSE WOULD U EXPECT!

[KevSays]

Badly punctuated and lack of grammar.

Try harder.. 7/10

[Convictions]

Omg thats like a story i wrote in kindergarten. I saw a dog. The dog barked. I like the dog. The dog was cute. It lived happily ever after.

10/10 That rocks.

[Drewar]

Missing quite a lot of punctuation and capital letters. By example, "Jack" is a name therefor it should be "jack" instead of "Jack" Work on these things and your work will be great Good effort!