My english coursework - Origional Writing - United 93

[-Xiangu-]

United 93

My name is Robert Milligan and this is my story. I woke up to a loud, shaking beep of my alarm, startled and tired I reached out across my bed and turned it off. I emerged out of my covers and reached for my black suit. After putting on my trousers I realised my alarm had gone off slightly late and I had only an hour to get to the airport for my flight. I rushed to put my shirt and tie on just before the taxi arrived. I finally combed my hair when I heard the driver knock on my door.

I started to leave the house and realised I left my briefcase on the dining room table. I quickly grabbed it and said goodbye to my wife Helena. As I ran to get into the taxi the driver asked me where I wanted to go. I said to the airport, get me there in the next thirty minutes and you can have an extra thirty dollars. He looked at me and smiled: sure thing I heard him say. We pulled out of the lay-by with haste. The car dipped round each corner and came to a screeching halt at each set of traffic lights. We managed to get to the airport in twenty-five minutes. I gave the driver my money and entered the airport.

Whilst checking my plane tickets in I noticed that there were a lot of people like me. All rushing and pushing past each other gave me a slight refreshing feel, as I wasn’t the only person in my situation. My tickets were stamped so I went to sit down in the waiting bay. I saw a lot of people sitting nervously and some were just relaxing reading a paper or making phone calls. I thought it would be best to make a quick phone call to my manager in San Francisco to tell him I will be there on time. I got some coffee and made some final preparations for my presentation.

I heard the flight controller’s voice proclaim through the speakers announcing that flight 93 to San Francisco was now ready to be boarded. I picked up my belongings and followed a small queue of people down the terminal and onto the flight. We were greeted by the flight attendants as got onto the plane. I put my briefcase in the above compartment like most people on the flight and sat down in my seat. After a few minutes the flight attendants closed the plane doors and the seat belt sign lit up. I put my belt on and waited for the plane to take off.

As we took off I was thrown back into my seat. The force of take off didn’t last to long and in a few moments I could sit normally again as we were in a flat cruise in the air. The flight attendants came round asking everyone who wanted breakfast. I didn’t want anything as it was only going to be a short flight. Shortly after the orders the attendants started to bring small trays of food around for the people who wanted breakfast. I decided to get my newspaper out and start reading.

It was quite boring so I noticed everything that happened. A man carrying a briefcase went into the toilets. I spoke to a man behind me about my wife and his children. We laughed and had quite a good conversation. I thought the man who had gone in the toilet was taking so long.

Suddenly he came out brandishing a knife in one hand and in the other a trigger to what looked to be a bomb. I ducked down in my seat frozen. Screams from the other passengers and me came all around the plane. But then more passengers came up with knives and started talking in a different language. They started grabbing people and pushing them towards the back of the plane. One grabbed me and through me. I fell. Wondering what was happening I started to cry with fear. My body felt like jelly. I was so scared. Some of the passengers behind me ran past me with terror. I realised then that someone had been stabbed. Cries filled the entire corridor down the plane. The men pointed the knives at us and spoke seriously. One of them knew a little English and told us to sit down. Some of the men disappeared behind the doorway curtains towards the cockpit. Some of us were frozen in our seats. Some were making phone calls to loved ones. We just didn’t know what was going to happen.

Then the plane started to make a sharp turn. A lot of us were thrown onto the floor. We then realised the pilots were not flying the plane anymore. A story filled the rows at this point. Apparently planes had also hit the Twin Towers. I realised that this is not a related incident and that we were going to suffer the same fate. I didn’t know what to do. I was feeling so many emotions. Whether or not to do something about it or just wait to die.

Some of the passengers wanted to try and take the plane back because one of them was learning to be a pilot. I thought it may be my only hope of survival. I was still confused. Do I let other people die by
letting the plane hit its target or do I fight back and maybe land safely and survive. The answer soon became clear. I had to help otherwise the peoples lives would be on my hands. Everything seemed to pass me by in slow motion. Without a second thought I told the other passengers I would help. The flight attendants started handing out saucepans and knives to us. Some had boiling water in. We used anything we could find in the kitchen of the plane. We timed our attack precisely. We charged. Like a wave of power we leapt throughout the seats and isles attacking each terrorist until they were bleeding to death. A strong man attacked the terrorist with the bomb. It was fake, we then broke into the cockpit and tried to take the plane back from the terrorist who was flying. I was feeling so angry and I was full of energy. The plane was now flying uncontrollably.

The terrorist wouldn’t let go of the planes steering sticks. We were diving towards the ground below us at an incredible speed. We just couldn’t get any control. We all screamed in fear and for a few seconds as we plummeted towards the ground. We were going to die.

Thats my piece of english coursework i just had to type up. your Views?

[PaulMacC]

*stealz*

Only messing, very good.

[-Xiangu-]

thanks

[Zample]

It's decent, although you did make a few punctuation and spelling errors.

Personally, I felt it could've been better in detail. It felt a little bit flat to me at places, and at some parts I didn't really feel like continuing to read, but that may just be me.

But overall, it was pretty good. [:

[-Xiangu-]

cool, thanks theres probably a few errors dude to copying it from word onto here so i had to edit it. but thanks for the constructive criticism can you tell me the parts you dont like and where errors are so i can make it better please

[mr.parasols]

Errrr...

Then the plane started to make a sharp turn. A lot of us were thrown onto the floor. We then realised the pilots were not flying the plane anymore. A story filled the rows at this point. Apparently planes had also hit the Twin Towers. I realised that this is not ????a related incident and that we were going to suffer the same ???fate. I didn’t know what to do. I was feeling so many emotions. Whether or not to do something about it or just wait to die.

Try shortning some of the sentences, make it feel as if you're panicking. Quote :" A lot of us were thrown onto the floor. We then realised the pilots were not flying the plane anymore." To me it sounds like "yeah we fell on the floor it was comfy".

Add detail and panic

Edit:

My name is Robert Milligan and this is my story.

At the end of the story you said he was about to die. How could he write this then? In my opinion you should allow the reader to fill in his identity. Like at the airport someone said, 'Mr.Milligan you ticket is here' and his boss could say 'hello Robert'? Just a thought.

[Frodo13.]

Its good, but I feel it comes to abit of an abrupt end. And while you try to make the story a cliff-hanger, it sort of fails in doing so and we sorta guess the character has survived as he is now re-telling his story. It is at times, quite predictable and there were parts I just skipped as I knew what was going to happen.

You have a really good idea there...very original and you'll probably get a good mark for it.

[-Xiangu-]

mr parasols we Have to have the starting line as that so i would like the idea of doing that but i am not actually allowed to lol. i could put his name in the tickets paragraph though.

thanks frodo. i will try and make the ending better. we had to watch United 93 and then pretend that we were one of the characters in the film so yeh i cant really have a different ending lol but will try and make it more dramatic

[Throne Sofa]

Why are you putting your c/w up on the internet? It's like saying "Come and steal it"?

[myke]

Throne, I thought the same.

Xiangu, when you post, I don't think it's a good idea to say "this is my coursework" just make it so you made it out of fun, people could steal it. HOWEVER. onto the positives, this is a great account! True? or fiction? :8