Poem - Hidden Emotion

[Pulchritudinous]

This is a peom I wrote for school, relating to a play we are reading.
Please leave your comments.

Hidden Emotion

Eyes are stinging, knee's are weak,
Mouth is open, yet I don't speak,
Quivering lip, shivering silhouette,
Breathing deeply, cheeks are wet,
Eyes wander, constant fear,
Heart races, I shed a tear,
Feeling helpless, silently sighing,
Feel so lonely, in this constant crying.
False excitement, feeling low,
Artificial smiles, so they won’t know,
Behind the pretence, sits a lonely soul,
Ghastly bruises, black as coal,
Staying strong, in an ordeal so cruel,
I secretly wished, that I wasn’t the fool,
Living in fear, I would never reveal,
The horrid violence, that was too real.

[cocaine]

Wow, thats great! 9/10 +Rep well done!

[?-Doc-?]

Great! =] Ill Add Rep , Darnit i cant, Remind me 2morrow.

[?-Doc-?]

You could add some metaphors, similies. Some imagery would be good.
A few fixing to do, but its good =] Regards , Doc.