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Thread: [Cruel World]

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    Default [Cruel World]

    Does the world really care,
    If it's not as nice as a funfair?
    It may not be as sweet as honey,
    Nor may it give out free money,
    But I'll tell you one thing today,
    The world will always get it's own way...

    It dished up those Tsunami flows,
    And took all those lives - that's how it goes,
    We've all felt the world make us sad,
    Thinking we don't deserve what we've had,
    Well I'll tell you, you shouldn't weep,
    And make the waters of the Earth run ever deep...

    The world is not really nice,
    Not a sphere, a deadly device,
    And I think one day you'll find,
    Something will destroy all mankind,
    The land on the Earth will erode,
    And the dying sun will explode...

    --------------------------------------

    Took me 15 minute and it's a bit rubbish, but oh well, rate anyway
    Now that it's raining more than ever
    Know that we'll still have each other
    You can stand under my umbrella
    You can stand under my umbrella (8)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    Default

    Don't use forced rhyming.

    Some lines good and emotive though, despite bloody FR.

    Subject matter cliched. 7/10
    Try everything once, even the things you don't think you'll like.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
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    7/10
    Forced Rhyming doesnt really give a good effect but a good poem in general.

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Ok so no more FR
    Now that it's raining more than ever
    Know that we'll still have each other
    You can stand under my umbrella
    You can stand under my umbrella (8)

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