The Habbo Parcel Service: What REALLY happens.

Jõnathan · 17-07-2005, 07:12 PM

I made a thing 2day called the Habbo Parcel Service, and here is an in-depth (but mostly fake) story about what happens there…
N.B The majority of incidents and people in this story are real (and some are fake).
So here is the story.
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The undercover reporter is Habbo !PeterColes! (a real Jon606-owned, [which means I made him] habbo at time of going to post), a reporter for the (fake) Habbo newspaper The Habbo Gazzette. After numerous complaints about the company, owned by Jon606, on Habbo Watchdog, he volunteered to join the HPS team for a week.

DAY 1
Jon606 welcomed me into the office.
Jon606: Ah, so you're Peter then. Welcome to the Habbo Parcel Service! Since it's your first day, we'll just let you settle in, then you'll start working tomorrow. Ok?
Me (!PeterColes!): Yeah, I'm fine with that.

As I relaxed in the staffroom, another worker called TheSid606 approached.
TheSid606: Damn. Jon606 is a loser.
Me: Why do you think that?
TheSid606: Because, he's a moron. Sent me to deliver a load of [censored] to a gay [censored] in the Hotel. And the person said they hadn't ordered it! Face it, new guy, it's hard working here.

DAY 2
My first assignment was to deliver a package of purple pillows to a room in the hotel.
Unfortunately the owner wasn't in.
So I decided not to deliver the package.
Then I had to deliver 6 footballs to another room.
And the owner wasn't there, and the package remained undelivered.
For my last delivery, I had to deliver a box of clothes to a room.
I was kicked out, and the delivery remained unsent.

Back at the depot, Jon was angry at me.
Jon606: Ok, so you had 3 packages to deliver- and you don't even get 1 delivered! You're a bunch of [censored], that's what you are!
Me: But 2 of them weren't in, and the 3rd kicked me out!
Jon606: Sorry about that Peter. Now here's your last delivery- a box of teaching supplies to a pre-school.

As I went to the pre-school, owned by Cobain8, I was told that he hadn't ordered any supplies.
So I rang up the HPS depot.
Me: Hello?
Jon: What do you want?
Me: This person hasn't ordered any teaching supplies, and the package isn't for him anyway!
Jon: Look, you little [censored], this is a parcel that needs to be delivered!
Me: Don't shout at me!
*click*

When I returned to the depot, Jon was waiting. And he was fuming.
Jon: YOU MORON! WHAT THE HELL? 'This person hasn't ordered any teaching supplies'- COURSE HE HAD YOU THICK [CENSORED]! WHY WOULD I HAVE SENT YOU TO DELIVER THE PACKAGE???
Me: It's not my fault he'd hadn't ordered any supplies!
Jon: WELL DUHHHHH, COURSE NOT! OH NOW WHAT!
Another Habbo, DaSid606 came up to Jon.
DaSid606: Mr. 606, er, someone's been sick in the offices. What should I do?
Jon: [CENSORED] OFF YOU DUMB [CENSORED]! CLEAN IT UP THEN!
Me: Oh, I have to go. Sorry.
Jon: OK GO THEN!
As I left the depot, I heard Jon cursing. It was obvious he was angry at me.
Jon: THAT LITTLE [CENSORED]- HE'S A [CENSORED]! [CENSORED]!

DAY 3
My 5th delivery saw me delivering a pack of football strips to a football club.
Luckily, it was a successful order to WelshGaz's Southend United.
I called the depot to say I'd finally delivered a package.
Me: Hello?
Jon: Hello.
Me: He accepted the package.
Jon: You're gay.
Me: What?
Jon: You're gay.
Me: I'M GAY????
Jon: Yes, now come back to the depot.
Me: Listen here you little [censored], I'm not gay!
*click*

At the depot, Jon was sorry about the earlier call.
Jon: An idiot was on the phone, and I was talking to him, not you.
Me: Well, sorry, I didn't know. I have to go home now.
Jon: Bye.

DAY 4
My 6th delivery was of 2 boxes of weaponry to a police station.
E-Donkey accepted the delivery.
I made a surprising discovery!
Me: Hello, Jon?
Jon: Oh yeah, oh… Huh?
Me: I've delivered the parcels.
Jon: I'm a woman.
Me: Wh-wh-what?
Jon: I'm a woman, yes I am.
Me: You're a woman?
Jon: Yes, now give it to me big girly!
Me: What the [censored]?
*click*

DAY 5
My last day was a day with 2 deliveries.
But what happened on that day?
Here is what happened.

Arriving at the depot, I was ordered to deliver 40 boxes of Coors Beer (assorted) to a club owned by :x:Russeh:x:
It was another unordered delivery.
Here is the mobile phone call I got:
Me: Hey!
Jon: Hello.
Me: Another order somebody hadn't ordered...
Jon: You're gonna deliver po/rnography now (sorry about the rude word)
Me: What?
Jon: You're gonna deliver po/rno! DO IT NOW!
Me: I have to deliver po/rno?
Jon: YES! I'll give you details at the depot.
*click*

At the depot, I was told to deliver male po/rn to an unknown room in the hotel. To this day, I still don't know why to this day. The room was a photography room.
Obviously, it wasn't meant to be there. So I called up Jon.
Me: Hi.
Jon: Hallo.
Me: Why did you make me try to deliver male po/rnography?
Jon: You are gay.
Me: BECAUSE I'M GAY????
Jon: Yes.
Me: YOU'RE A GAY [CENSORED]!
Jon: You're a piece of n00bilicious [censored].
Me: What? I'm a piece of n00bilicious [censored]? WHO THE HELL IS THIS?
*click*

I was fired for calling the boss a gay sh/it (sorry about this swearing).

AFTERMATH
Jon606 was tried and pleaded guilty to delivering objects to wrong places, abusing employees and faking a parcel company. He was charged with 2 months in jail, and fined 20,000 Habbo Credits (not really). HPS has been closed down. This HPS has nothing to do with companies of the same name.

Report by !PeterColes!
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What did you think of it?

P.S. I iz sorry I avoided ze filter. The thing about naughty pictures of men actually happened. Well the phone conversation is true, as are all other phone conversations in this story, and the room names & owners are true. So if you see someone with HPS or Habbo Parcel Service in their mish, kick 'em straight away! If the HPS stands for summut else, don't kick them. If the peep offers you stupid stuff like in this story, do the same thing- kick 'em!

That was a Jon606 public announcement.