bitesplit jobs - just like your regular job, only funnier. £26/$41 per hour.

[Xarea]

ATTENTION
If you're interested in a job, please READ THE WHOLE THREAD. It's long, but miss out something, and we'll think you're an idiot. And never hire you.

bitesplit jobs.
just like your regular job, only funnier.
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It's probably best that we spit it out now. bitesplit isn't for the faint hearted, so we do ask, if you don't agree with what our site is about, and the way we present it (lots of inappropriate language and expletives), then don't apply for a job with us. We're looking for fun people who are up for a laugh. In return, we not only pay pretty awesomely (is that even a word?), but we also chuck you loads of benefits. But no gym memberships. Sorry.


bitesplit Sales Advisors
£26 GBP / $41 USD per hour, 15 hours per week. Remote work from home.
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We don't have support. So we don't want to know about you being a "Level 3 Technician with a real drive and commitment." Drive somewhere else - that's not our gig. We tell it straight to our customers - we don't care for support, only their money. And trust me, we tell them at every opportunity. We're looking for people to take honest money from honest people, and plow it into the black hole that is bitesplit. We sell extremely cheap shared hosting. How? It's cheap because we don't do support. So don't expect a support question. Ever.

We're bringing a new "Live Chat" sales feature to our website, and we need awesome people to man the lines. If you're up for chatting (and we mean real casual - no "Sir" or "Ma'am", more of a "sup, dude?") to everyone and anyone about (possibly) hosting, then you're the right kind of person for us.

We don't care if you have no experience in the hosting or sales industry - as long as you're an awesome person, we can supply the training for the rest of it. We just need people who just get people.

Expect to be asked what you're wearing, what you did over the weekend, and how much bandwidth comes with the "bitesplit tramp" package. That's a regular day in the life of one of our Sales Advisors. We just talk. About anything.

We're not about targets or objectives - we just ask you to chat, be friendly, and sometimes, you might end up with a sale - and some tasty commission!

That made you read a bit closer. Commission. Yes, we provide a package of £26 GBP / $41 per hour, along with generous commission and a complimentary hosting package. And an e-mail address. I know, tell me about it. (Boring bits: paid via bank transfer or PayPal, your decision. If applicable in your country, you must register as self employed, to ensure you pay the correct taxes and insurances. We won't be sitting next to you in court if you screw up [or get caught]. Pay is fortnightly, on a Thursday. Ooh.)

Alright then. Think you've understood what we're after? Understand what we do? Good. Let's go.

To Apply:
WE DON'T WANT A CV.
DO NOT SEND US A CV.
NO CV'S ALLOWED.
WE DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR CV.
NOR DO WE WAN'T TO READ IT.
SO DON'T, DON'T, DON'T SEND US A CV!!!!

All we want is an e-mail. No application form, just an e-mail. Preferably, we'd like to know your name, age, where you're from, when you can work (we work on a "shift when you want" scheme. As long as you get your fifteen hours per week in, you're all good.), and any experience you may have.

Then, the real kicker - the ice breaker, and what we'll end up looking at on when deciding our team. We'd like to know what you think of bitesplit, but more importantly, why you think you'd fit in with us.

We'd also like to know what the best customer service experience you ever had was, and why it was so special. Plus, if you were stranded on an island for a year (and had bare essentials like food, drink, health, security etc.), what three things would you have and why?

Oh, and it might be wise to tell us if you're a virgin. Only real men and women allowed. (That's a joke, by the way. But still tell us.)

A couple of jokes thrown in might not be too bad either. But, remember, just throwing in swearing here and there isn't amazing. We like sarcasm, humour, politically wrong statements, and obviously, inappropriate and offensive statements. You might go to hell, but we'll still get a laugh out of it.

If you're up for that sort of thing, drop us a line at [email protected] (Barry is our chief investor, you'll need to impress him - he's the guy who will pay your wages) - use a suitable subject please (but not "Job Application" or anything like that - something more along the lines of "Yellow Hippos In Mud".)

Talking to people is what we'd like to do. And we'd like to do it very well.

To enrich, inspire, delight and engage. We're bitesplit. And we'd like you to join our team.

NB. Please do not reply to this topic with applications - send them to the above e-mail.

[Fehm]

Amg. I love you guys :L

How do you lot come up with all this ****? XD

[Cixso]

Maybe I have grown out of it being a silly child but this isn't funny and it's rather pathetic.

I hate the sexual comments and what makes me shiver is the fact you have a children hospice at the bottom of the website, and an indirect blow job joke at the top.

[Calvin]

I agree with Cixso.

The website is rather pathetic, and whoever runs it needs to grow up.

And I wouldn't be suprised if the money 'you're raising' for that hospice is going in your pocket.

[Cixso]

I agree with Cixso.

The website is rather pathetic, and whoever runs it needs to grow up.

And I wouldn't be suprised if the money 'you're raising' for that hospice is going in your pocket.

The kids who obviously run this are sexually deprived, it clearly shows.

[Favourtism]

The kids who obviously run this are sexually deprived, it clearly shows.

*REMOVED*

Edited by invincible (Forum Super Moderator): Please don't be rude.

[Doug.]

I applied. Sounds like something fun, and intresting. Sorry guys, lol.

[Flisker]

I see what they have done here with bitesplit. It's the opposite to what ever other host is doing, which weirdly is a USP (Unique selling point).

[Fehm]

they're obviously earning enough, or they wouldn't be paying £26 a week? ;/

[Cixso]

they're obviously earning enough, or they wouldn't be paying £26 a week? ;/

No disrespect, are you seriously trying to tell me any respectable business has looked at this website and thought this was a good market scheme?

The only income they must receive from clients are from personal websites and other children. Once the pocket money runs out this will just die. You think they would of learnt their lessons with devotehost.

It's quite clear who the target audience is, and it's not businesses. Relying on other children for the income is not a good thing to do.