My Poem

[The Don]

Tell me what ya think, rate and slate
Wrote this for a competition btw, it had to start with "Once upon a time" and end with "and they all lived happily ever after"
Don't be too harsh, oh and it's my first poem I've ever wrote

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“Once upon a time” I dreamt you were mine
And Through the heavens and the skies
I convinced myself of these lies

I tried speaking to you the other day
My heart spoke but I didn’t know what words to say
You looked right into my eyes and waited for a line
I couldn’t express how much I wanted you mine

I went to the shop in your area before
Bought a bunch of flowers left them by your door
You ignored them just like you ignore me
I’ll make you mine one day just wait and see

The other day I saw him with you
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing my heart broke apart in two
I paused for a seconded and whipped my eyes
I had to try and remember those lies

The lies I told myself when I dreamt of you
Where I held your hand as we flew
Through the windswept skies through the internal blue
We travelled faster than lighting, just me and you.

And in those dreams , those ‘Memories’
I was the happiest I could be
Sitting on clouds with chatter and laughter
I wish this was a fairytale where someone would say
“And they all lived happily ever after”

[Nicola]

That really isn't bad at all, well done +rep

Only thing is there's something so much more, how do I put it?... romantic and soppy in the first and last verse compared to the middle one. It just doesn't seems a bit out of place compared to the other two verses if you get me. I think it's just the first couple of lines of that verse.

Edit: Oh flippin' heck you changed the verses around lol. I mean the second verse now.

[Conservative,]

It's good !

I actually can relate to that tbh. +rep.