Extreme Grief

[qaxzsw]

Hi everyone,

My nan died on the 1st of December this year from Pancreatic Cancer aged 62. I have been experiencing really bad grief and for some reason I am OK during the day but as soon as it gets dark I feel extreme sadness to the point where I'm shaking and can't stop crying. I feel like dying myself. I have really bad guilt because my nan didn't want me knowing she was ill but when I was cleaning her flat for her I found her chemotherapy, but I didn't say anything and I bottled everything up because I thought if it was serious I would have been told.
Unfortunatley my nan had advanced pancreatic cancer, and this is not cureable. Only 3% of people diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer will survive 5 years after being diagnosed. I feel angry at myself for being stupid. I wish I could of spent more time with her because I know there were times I passed up and I feel like a complete ****. I don't know what to do.

[Narnat,]

When you say that you get really emotional at night, I would suggest you try and keep yourself occupied for as long as you can that way you won't have a chance to think about the whole situation. Sorry to hear about your Nan btw

[Catzsy]

What an awful time of year for a nan to die. You are bound to feel really sad but you have nothing to feel guilty about - she wanted to spare you the pain. She obviously loved you. Grief is natural and you will start to feel better as time goes on. This might help. There are message boards on here with people in the same position.


http://www.griefencounter.org.uk/

[Middlesbrough]

After I lost my grandad this also happened to me, the main thing you can do is keep your mind occupied, the reason you're getting so upset is because you have nothing to think about, so you automatically think about your nans death.

[Samantha]

Did she die in the night or the day?
Maybe at night you are empathic thinking what were the moments leading up to her death, how did she feel. The night may mean that when she was passing her last moments were dark.

[Shar]

After I lost my grandad this also happened to me, the main thing you can do is keep your mind occupied, the reason you're getting so upset is because you have nothing to think about, so you automatically think about your nans death.

This. Keep your mind occupied. Many people go through this, you're not alone.

[qaxzsw]

Thank you for the support people, it's really helped. Yesterday was the first Christmas without my nan but my mum put some flowers on her grave for me, I couldn't go myself because I would of been too upset.

Did she die in the night or the day?
Maybe at night you are empathic thinking what were the moments leading up to her death, how did she feel. The night may mean that when she was passing her last moments were dark.

She died at night, at about 12/1/2am. I know she phoned my house about 12 saying she couldn't breath. Turned out a blood clott from her leg (a side affect of the cancer or the chemo, I'm not sure) travelled to her lung.

I feel a bit more at peace now because I know my nan liked angels and stuff and now shes up there with plenty of angels to admire :L Also I watched that sally morgan physcic thing and I think that one day when I die I will be with my nan again . Also shes with my great-nan, her mum now, in no pain, watching down on everyone.

Thanks again everyone
CowBiscuiits

[Catzsy]

That is the way to see and how she would have wanted you to see it. In time to come you will celebrate all the good memories you have of here and I am certain she will look after you. RIP Nan.