i can't seem to enjoy life

[buttons]

this is 100% serious so no trolling ;-;







basically i can't seem to like life or WANT to like life. i'm not depressed and i'm not suicidal.
if my friends want to go out for lunch or stay in with lots of food, i just can't do it and make up excuses. i don't like eating more sugar/fat/salt than is necessary, i don't like eating if i don't need to. i have to have a schedule all the time so i don't like things messing it up, it's like a ritual. i will eat a big breakfast, medium lunch then a smaller dinner and i won't eat less than 3 hours between meals neither, my day practically revolves around my eating habits. as soon as i wake up i make a mental note of when to eat and what to eat, it's not just food it's everything. like "when is the most effective time to study? should i eat before? how long before?". it's like everything is an equation, i'll go out and walk for at least an hour or so to burn off calories. it's more than just an eating disorder, it's not the desire to be thin (infact i want to put on weight, providing it's healthy) - it's the desire to be in control. i have a horrible obsession with perfection and i hate it.

it's not just food. it's chemicals too. it's hard to avoid chemicals in foods and products these day. i research pretty much every ingredient in all foods, packaging and products. i HAVE to be there when there's shopping, i HAVE to be in control or i won't use/eat what we bought. this is another reason why i hate life...honestly, it just scares me and i'd rather not live it. it's easy for me to tell people to enjoy life and not take it for granted but i can't seem to take my own advice.

also it's not just the desire for myself to be right, i drill it in to other people too. i judge everyone based on their lifestyles or food choices and i hate it. it's why i don't like people who are fat or have skin problems. it's not just being shallow, it's because it's unhealthy and as though they lack self-control. i can't even begin to explain why i like healthy people.. i just don't like people destroying themselves and others, is that so bad? i take part in self-destructive things too (alcohol is my best friend) but again that's another reason i can't enjoy life. i'll never be perfect. i just tell myself "once you've done this, once you've done that then you'll be happy" but once i've 'mastered' one part of me there's always another part that's not good enough. what is perfection anyway? besides, even if i achieved who i wanted to be, who would it be for? no-one would be good enough for me :/

tbh sometimes it doesn't bother me, sorta feel like i'm accomplishing something or (god i hate to admit this) i feel superior.. yet other times i want to be naive and just enjoy everything but i can't because i already have all these rules drummed in to me. it's only been like this since last summer when people actually took an interest in me, i wanted to keep their expectations of me high and not disappoint them sdhgsjghsjgh. i just started wanting to be as close to perfect as possible.

i don't tell people irl. my friends are aware of it because i nag at them for eating crappy stuff or using bad products. i know it's annoying and i want to stop, i feel like it's taken over my personality and that i don't have one anymore. they always watch me when i'm eating because they think i have an eating disorder, i can tell cause they're always inviting me out places and if i refuse i just get "oh for **** sake you're skinny, eating one packet of crisps won't kill you!". i get told to lighten up but i can't do it :S oh this really looks like i have eating problems. it's not. it's just RULES as a whole. it's mostly "if you do this" or "if you don't do that" then whatever the consequence may be


yeah... i don't expect people to read that or understand it but if you have any experiences on rituals/health obsession or advice then i welcome it ty. i won't go to a therapist because i don't believe in mental health but that's a seperate issue ;p

[FlyingJesus]

I don't see how you can not believe in mental health when the entire issue is a mental one - you're not having certain thoughts or acting a certain way because of your body, it's your brain. Thought patterns and mood are not as easy to calculate as if you eat something it'll have whatever effect or if you do something this will happen, but thoughts do exist and are to a certain extent traceable. Your views on mental health aren't a separate issue, they are the issue. Your fears and and desires clearly aren't down to a bad diet or bad regime as you work relentlessly to keep those things in balance, so the only reasoning left is that the problems lie in your mind. The lifestyle you lead isn't damaging in itself - plenty of people are "fitness freaks" and extremely happy in how they live their lives - but the fact that it doesn't make you happy makes it problematic.

I know you've said before that people should sort out any mental problems by themselves and you'd think of it as a weakness to do otherwise, but in these cases the way to help yourself is to get someone else to help you.

[Jam]

Are you concerned with your weight or general health? Neither will do anything dramatic unless you start going out for fast food very often.

[e5]

A story to think about is that really. It's clearly down to the way your mind is working at the moment, and probably feeds of what you see/read and/or expectations you give yourself to be that perfect person. It's easy to say 'dont be like that' but its another thing to actually do it and I know you can't just do it like that. If you're confident with speaking about it, I suggest actually talking to someone... Not friends as you know their reaction, but parents or a professional, just to gain advice or to let it out... this might free your mental blockage.

[Inseriousity.]

I too like rituals. It's nice if there's some order to the day and I'm always annoyed if something gets in the way but I've learnt not to make that stop me from enjoying life. Sometimes these things happen and if you just turn a blind eye to each offer or distraction that comes your way, the harder it is to break out that routine. I'll be honest that I have noticed a slight obsession with health around here so it must be like even worse irl.

It's rather ironic that you say you like to be in control but in a way, you've actually lost control by letting these things keep you down. I have acne for example (you mentioned skin conditions I don't know if you mean all types such as acne or you mean the more severe ones) but I don't let that get in the way of doing what I want to do.

TL;DR? At the end of the day, you're not enjoying life so the real question is why are you continuing with rituals that leave you unhappy? I agree with FlyingJesus and I'd take his advice tbh

[Stephen]

So your ritual or whatever has become a sort of ocd and now it's making you unhappy because you can't change the schedule so it's ruining your social life and stuff?

Obvious answer would be get help from a pro

Get a dose of cognative behavioural therapy ennit

[Nemo]

I don't see how you can not believe in mental health when the entire issue is a mental one - you're not having certain thoughts or acting a certain way because of your body, it's your brain. Thought patterns and mood are not as easy to calculate as if you eat something it'll have whatever effect or if you do something this will happen, but thoughts do exist and are to a certain extent traceable. Your views on mental health aren't a separate issue, they are the issue. Your fears and and desires clearly aren't down to a bad diet or bad regime as you work relentlessly to keep those things in balance, so the only reasoning left is that the problems lie in your mind. The lifestyle you lead isn't damaging in itself - plenty of people are "fitness freaks" and extremely happy in how they live their lives - but the fact that it doesn't make you happy makes it problematic.

I know you've said before that people should sort out any mental problems by themselves and you'd think of it as a weakness to do otherwise, but in these cases the way to help yourself is to get someone else to help you.

Best advice you're gonna get for this tbh ^

It quite clearly is a mental issue, not that you're a crazy person, but for example i was thinking the exact same thing the other day. I was thinking about self improvement as i do occasionally and was thinking about perfection, realised i had no idea what perfection was and there is no such thing as perfection as it varies from person to person (obviously i could strive to make myself perfect for myself, but i dont think that would give me the same satisfaction ), and so i just left it. Thought about something else. Whilst you have let it take over life and as stephen said, its become a sort of OCD. I'd definitely try and get some sort of help as you'd be amazed what they can do. Helped me certainly

Stay positive!

[lol]

Stop caring about other people so much... if people are fat, that doesn't make them any less likeable than a skinny person, stop trying to be so much better than those people because in reality you're the only person noticing what you think makes you better

[Catzsy]

It actually sounds like a control issue to me. I don't know your circumstances but maybe the 'world' you live in is out-of-control but there is little you can do about it so you 'take' control over things that you can and this is what has happened. As long as you are healthy then it is probably okay but I really would consider the impact you have on other people by 'nagging' them as they have to right to do what they want too. I also think you are very hard on yourself as you are trying really hard to study and make a better life and it will come. Once you become independent and self-sufficient I believe this will calm down unless there is some other underlying issue that needs to be addressed. I don't think it is a case of feeling superior it is a case that your standards are higher and you expect more out of life.

[Zak]

Honestly you have problems, I know it can be hard to let go of doing these rituals but if they are ruining your life to an extent which makes you really unhappy, don't you think you have to change? I know what it's like to try and quit something you are so used to doing on a daily basis but you need to let go.

I still currently suffer with OCD, although I wouldn't say it was the most extreme of cases. I used to check my whole room before bed, lights, plugs out, ceilings, walls, floor, windows, the bed, pillows.. the lot. Among other things such as checking locks, they're a big problem for me still to this day. I never really got over the checking until I got it through my head, that i just didn't care anymore. It wasn't worth the unhappiness it was bringing me, and I just thought ahh **** it if anything happens to me because I haven't checked I guess it was meant to happen and to be honest I've been much happier since.

I also have a mild form of Trichotillomania, I used to have it really bad as a child, but lets not get into that. My parents scared me off that when I was younger by saying a girl died because they ate hairs or something. The condition still haunts me, but it's no where near as bad, basically no-one would know if they met me. This is the hardest thing to control for me though as I don't even realise I'm doing it, I just do it naturally, it's like i have no control. So if your condition or what ever you have is something like this, I don't think you'll fully ever get over it, but I do think it may get better with time, like mine has.

I'd defiantly go and talk to someone about this though and I don't mean psychiatrists. I mean people you trust and can talk to about these issues, it's really nice to get it off your chest to someone in real life. It sure did to me after years of hiding it. They can often help you with it as well, and give you much needed motivation.

Stay strong and remember, there is always going to be people worse off than yourself out there.

Hope I helped.
Zak