[Older Users] Help

[Richie]

Right, I'm going to be honest with you all. I went into the bathroom to have a shower and seen my reflection in the mirror, I picked up the mirror and looked in it and said to myself your one sexy *******. As I put the mirror back down the mirror shifted down towards my b cups, I still felt okay cos im fine with my **** but as I was checking myself out I looked at my belly button and me being a full on alpha male I noticed that the hair issue has got out of control. I always wanted to just become hairless to see what it'd feel like and if I'm honest I just don't know where to start and as much as I want to be young again, I don't really fancy going through hours upon hours of itchiness. I tried to trim the hedge before but it just got messy, lets just pretend im an amateur gardener, I forget some supplies and before I know it I have cutt the hedge, it's all over the garden and I can't find any plastic bags.

Lets just get straight to the point, how does one cut a hedge? The easiest option would be to have a game of sackraces with myself (no pun intended, the actual racing game) jump in a sack and cutt that hedge to avoid any branches landing on the floor but I just don't think that's how people do it these days. I know most girls shave their legs and stuff in the bath but I don't want to cause a blockage.

[Inseriousity.]

And then you woke up eh richie. maybe one day

[FlyingJesus]

The shower is the best place to do it really, I do all my gardening there. If it's really that bushy and wild get some scissors (buy some new ones, don't use the kitchen scissors... hygiene) and have a cheeky trim to start, letting just a bit at a time go down the plughole so it doesn't block. Takes a bit longer but it's better than having to unclog it all later. Then if you're gonna prune it right to the shoots and roots make sure you lather up properly like you do when you're tending to the upper boughs, and do it in very small parts (like literally best off postage stamp size first time) with a razor, taking care to rinse it every couple of passes so that neither the blades nor the plug get clogged up with large amounts of loose twigs and leaves. Be careful, take it slow, and go WITH the grain not against as some people believe you're meant to do - you want a nice clean slicing of the branches, not tugging and tearing which can leave the ground in really bad shape. You can go back up against the grain once you're done for fine-tuning if necessary, but don't start off that way.

It's probably best not to wash over it with any soaps or anything afterwards in case it causes irritation, and once you're out of the shower pat the area dry rather than dragging the towel against you like you might normally do. Moisturising is also a lifesaver for after-care, and I'd recommend wearing something loose not gonna lie, it'll probably grow back itching and annoying as hell the first couple of times you do it, but if it becomes routine there's pretty much no trouble as long as you don't slice yourself up or anything.

Frankly waxing has farrrrrrrr superior results that last for longer but can take ages and costs a lot more than shaving gel

[Richie]

HEY stop trolling my thread I actually am a sexy ******* ;0

---------- Post added 01-08-2012 at 11:51 PM ----------

The shower is the best place to do it really, I do all my gardening there. If it's really that bushy and wild get some scissors (buy some new ones, don't use the kitchen scissors... hygiene) and have a cheeky trim to start, letting just a bit at a time go down the plughole so it doesn't block. Takes a bit longer but it's better than having to unclog it all later. Then if you're gonna prune it right to the shoots and roots make sure you lather up properly like you do when you're tending to the upper boughs, and do it in very small parts (like literally best off postage stamp size first time) with a razor, taking care to rinse it every couple of passes so that neither the blades nor the plug get clogged up with large amounts of loose twigs and leaves. Be careful, take it slow, and go WITH the grain not against as some people believe you're meant to do - you want a nice clean slicing of the branches, not tugging and tearing which can leave the ground in really bad shape. You can go back up against the grain once you're done for fine-tuning if necessary, but don't start off that way.

It's probably best not to wash over it with any soaps or anything afterwards in case it causes irritation, and once you're out of the shower pat the area dry rather than dragging the towel against you like you might normally do. Moisturising is also a lifesaver for after-care, and I'd recommend wearing something loose not gonna lie, it'll probably grow back itching and annoying as hell the first couple of times you do it, but if it becomes routine there's pretty much no trouble as long as you don't slice yourself up or anything.

Frankly waxing has farrrrrrrr superior results that last for longer but can take ages and costs a lot more than shaving gel

You see man I was think the shower but I honestly can't see it washing down the drain. I might just have to stand over the toilet like a spa. As for the itchiness, is it really that bad? I don't want to be going around scratching the mickey off myself. One last thing, 'the top' area I know what to do with but what about the grapefruits?

[FlyingJesus]

For the drainage problem you could possibly use something like a large cheesecloth to stop the trimmings but still allow the water to flow, then just wrap it all up once you're done and chuck it out, or even just some sort of temporary container to put the bulk in as you should be trimming it fairly close to start with anyway, then the amount going down from the shaving won't be a problem.

Itching will almost certainly happen, but you can minimise it with a decent moisturiser and loose clothing - no spandex Daffyd Thomas outfits for a few days!

I tend to just trim back the main flyaways on the gooseberries because I am terrified of nicking them with a blade and having all the juice run from them. For aesthetic purposes that usually does the trick well enough, but if you really want them to look AND feel like dead chicken necks the best way is to use your free hand to stretch out the skin so that you have a flatter surface to work with. Tricky stuff though. Most hair removal creams (despite actually being pretty good for most areas) aren't suggested for the downstairs front lawn as everything there's too sensitive and it apparently has an effect akin to chillies and fire... actual fire may in fact be a better way of sorting it out than using one of those products

[Richie]

For the drainage problem you could possibly use something like a large cheesecloth to stop the trimmings but still allow the water to flow, then just wrap it all up once you're done and chuck it out, or even just some sort of temporary container to put the bulk in as you should be trimming it fairly close to start with anyway, then the amount going down from the shaving won't be a problem.

Itching will almost certainly happen, but you can minimise it with a decent moisturiser and loose clothing - no spandex Daffyd Thomas outfits for a few days!

I tend to just trim back the main flyaways on the gooseberries because I am terrified of nicking them with a blade and having all the juice run from them. For aesthetic purposes that usually does the trick well enough, but if you really want them to look AND feel like dead chicken necks the best way is to use your free hand to stretch out the skin so that you have a flatter surface to work with. Tricky stuff though. Most hair removal creams (despite actually being pretty good for most areas) aren't suggested for the downstairs front lawn as everything there's too sensitive and it apparently has an effect akin to chillies and fire... actual fire may in fact be a better way of sorting it out than using one of those products

Ah its been a few years since I've been in the oul spandex I think I'll avoid the grapefruits for now they aren't really that bad it's just the roof that needs fixing and I think you're right about the creams, I don't really want to set the roof alight. Cheers, I'll give it a go but I'm going to leave out the cloth idea and the container, can you imagine me cutting up a milk carton to hold the sticks, it wouldn't look at all dodgy bringing something like that into the bathroom

[Stephen]

ingrown hairs are the worst

[Kieran]

Ah its been a few years since I've been in the oul spandex I think I'll avoid the grapefruits for now they aren't really that bad it's just the roof that needs fixing and I think you're right about the creams, I don't really want to set the roof alight. Cheers, I'll give it a go but I'm going to leave out the cloth idea and the container, can you imagine me cutting up a milk carton to hold the sticks, it wouldn't look at all dodgy bringing something like that into the bathroom

And it wouldn't look dodgy you taking scissors in there and being there for some period of time?

I always find the better way is to use scissors to start with, take off as much as you can in to the toilet and then get in to the shower with the shaver and cream. From what I can remember the itching wasn't anywhere near as bad as people make out as long as you use some form of soft skin moisturiser.

[Zak]

I shave mine with a crap shaver. Does the job, I don't see why everyone says it itches, mine has never felt itchy. I don't shave it completely because I don't want to look 5, it shaves over like random as it's a crap one so looks alright

[Metric1]

GET A BUSH TRIMMER, USE MINE ALL THE TIME