Joke: Signs of a Drinking Problem

[Punk Rock Star]

Website: http://spiffy-entertainment.com/jokearch.html

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

Two hands and one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

You fall off the floor...

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, forget dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm.

The whole bar says "Hi" when you walk in...

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men].

Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

Roseanne looks good.

Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.

You're as jober as a sudge.

The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.

[Eamonn]

LMAO nice

[Punk Rock Star]

Also: Worst Things to Hear During Surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Rex! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. And heck, this guy's got two of'em....

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off..

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses... Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had children, am I correct?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Accept this sacrifice, oh, lord of darkness.

[Eamonn]

Lol ive been in surgery loads and i havnt heard any of them thank god if i woke up in surgery i would sue there pants off though

[Punk Rock Star]

lol..........:-)

[Ellis.]

Also: Worst Things to Hear During Surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Rex! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. And heck, this guy's got two of'em....

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off..

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses... Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had children, am I correct?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Accept this sacrifice, oh, lord of darkness.

Lmao Funny :p

[Digital]

lol rep for j00 ;]

[Mendonky]

meh... copied from a website. funny though

ellis, is that you?

[Loaned]

There is a JOKE board for a reason.

[Punk Rock Star]

There is a JOKE board for a reason.

Well maybe the people who stay on this board could use a laugh