Keeping my mind off her?

[DeejayMachoo]

Hey Y'all

I'm don't normally create threads here or ask for advice at all but I've come to a point where Im like URGHHH.

I recently split with my now ex-fiancee of 5 years. Moved back home to the parental home and I'm at a loss of what to do. I find my days looking through photo's and reading old texts.

It's been 2 weeks now but the heartache is still strong?

Any advice?

[Martin]

aww im so sorry

I think 2 weeks is nothing really compared to the amount of time you spent together, and I think its a perfectly normal reaction to want to relive all the memories you have and for it to be difficult to move on. When someone is a big part of your life and means so much to you, spends so much time with you and you're just used to having around to talk to- obviously the transition will be huge and it will feel like something massive is missing from your everyday life. Its just really hard to control your mind and heart to move on, ever when it is over.


Was it a mutual split? I guess you have to look at the reasons for the split and confirm it to yourself in your head that it was the right thing to do and that it was best for both of you. Then you need to do your best to try and take your mind off the whole thing and look ahead to the future. Try to keep busy and focus on new things, find things that excite you and things to look forwards to, and when you feel you are ready you can set about finding 'the one', and hopefully over time the heartache will ease for you and you will be able to move on with your life.

Never try to completely forget though, keep those photo's and texts or any positive memories you have, because one day in the future you will look back on them and smile and the pain won't be so hard to take, but you will still remember that long important period of your life.


I can't really offer any advice, but I think the only thing you can do really is give it more time, try to keep busy and whilst the pain is still raw, try to take your mind off it a bit and look to the future. It also depends on the circumstances really, like whether you are still talking at all/remaining friends, and how the split came about. Either way though, it will get better I'm sure, and its perfectly okay to cry and wish things had been different, thats just all part of the learning curve and life being a pain. You also need to try and regain some control over it though and try to think positive about the future too.

Good luck with it all and I hope you are okay and things get better soon!

[LiquidLuck.]

@Martin; I hate you. You made my tear with your post..

He said all the right things, though. Just remember that one day you'll look back at everything with tenderness and you'll be glad you had those years because being with her has surely made you see life in ways you wouldn't have and in a way it made you grow up, right?

Good luck with everything for the future. You'll get through it, even if you're not sure you will.

[Samantha]

Hi Matt,

I told you on Facebook that I'll be there for you regardless of whether or not you know me in real life as I believe that it's a lot easier to come out and be honest to someone you don't know face to face (probably one of the reasons you posted on here).

I remember seeing what your ex put on Facebook, I was wondering what had gone off and the truth came out eventually, may I say that on Facebook wasn't the best place but as I know you're no longer speaking (or weren't then) you needed to get it out - you made a mistake, if you want her back or want the pain to ease you shouldn't have tried accuse her of something too, what you accused her of is much different and at least you get something out of 'shopping' surely? I don't know the ins and outs of what went wrong but I saw bad blood between yours and her family, as in they all stuck up for their side but wouldn't really listen to your side of the story or vice versa. As you admitted you did wrong, you'd get the help you need and hopefully try build any bridges, you lost the one person who has been there for you apart from your family, you thought you were spending the rest of your life with her and it went.

I guess you really don't understand what you have until it's gone, and I believe that occurred here. I guess you also expect someone who is meant to love you stick by you through thick or thin but she didn't, yes you did wrong to her but depending on what that was. Ask yourself, is she worth it if she didn't stick there? Was it something time could heal and could it all be solved eventually? There are lots of scenarios that could have occurred and that one did, it is a shame you were together so long and it ended just like that.

If you ever feel like crying, just arguing with someone or just pouring your heart out why not make a blog, or write about it, let your feelings out and just let a weight lift off your shoulders. Then, when the pain has healed a bit, look back on them, look at those feelings you had and try to come to terms with it - it's still raw at 2 weeks and I don't believe that cuts the 5 years you were together - if she knew you were over her, wouldn't that hurt her more too? Like she didn't feel important enough to you and that you could just move on just like that? I think this will take a long time to get over, and regardless of whether she wants to speak or see you again she will be hurting too as you were someone she could rely on. She feels let down when she needed you and again it's raw for her too!

Time is a great healer but I think writing your feelings down will solve a lot too, just don't hold on to that small hope that she will come back to you. I think she's made up her mind but you're healing at the moment, as I said, 2 weeks isn't much with the 5 years you had!

[Grimmauld]

wow, 5 years.. sorry to hear that things didnt find its way to work out. if it helps, just know to keep your head up and just let life pan out. maybe go single for a while. id suggest you lay off the old photos and texts so that you dont get reminded of the past. try to find things to keep your mind busy and off the past. good luck!

[mrwoooooooo]

week away with the lads