How to get over him?

[Jssy]

This is gonna sound so stupid. I was 16, he was 20. We met through a friend on xbox and started speaking on skype etc. We lived 110 miles apart so it was long distance. We started officially going out in June 2012 and in October he paid my train fare to go down to his for a week. It was hard being so far apart at times but we managed. I paid to go down in December for a week again. Last month was our 7th month of being together whatever. It's stupid but I fell for him and believed he loved me. Maybe he did but I had problems and feel like I pushed him away, but I wasn't just to blame. I have an eating disorder (unspecified currently) & depression and would say things I didn't mean or get upset easily. He'd want times with 'just the lads' like every single night and it would upset me because he'd push me away too saying he couldn't have any contact with me because it would be a distraction. He had aspergers syndrome.

When we were together everything would be fine, he'd take me shopping, buy me flowers, cook me meals, we'd watch films together and talk, but he never really told me truthfully if anything was wrong in our relationship. To start with it was fine, but looking back obviously problems are gonna arise in a long distance relationship and I never felt like he'd put effort in to sort anything out. Even when we had problems though he'd tell me 'we'd get through anything together'. About 2 weeks ago he sent me a text message on xbox saying its over. Not to my face or anything and blocked me on everything. I felt really upset and confused, I was meant to be going back down in Feburary had my tickets sorted, I've had to send them back for a refund and instead of the full £36.95 I'll only get £26.95 back due to admin fee's which sucks. All questions were running through my head 'what if etc'. He's blocked me on everything anyway, but truthfully I'm finding it quite hard to get over it. Stupid me thought I'd actually found someone amazing & I just feel why would he turn his back on me when I really needed him and walk away like that, no explanation or nothing. I'm trying to spend time with friends & family to keep busy but there's not a single day where I don't still think about him and the good things that happened together. It's not gonna be easy but how can I stop all these feelings and get over him for good?

[Callum.]

Should've stuck to the half plus 7 rule, you were too young for him.

But yeah, time. Eventually you'll look back and be glad, just takes a while for it.

[Samantha]

Should've stuck to the half plus 7 rule, you were too young for him.

But yeah, time. Eventually you'll look back and be glad, just takes a while for it.

What's that rule, if that's true me and my boyfriend are screwed , jokes of course.

Do you ever ready a story and just think that's similar to what I experienced? This sort of happened to me, not the long distance thing but it was compared to my current boyfriend. I was dating my ex for 21 months, we lived 12 miles apart and I would see him every few weeks; that's how bad it got eventually but originally I saw him about once a week, still not great.

Anyway, after the amazing feeling of our relationship wore off it was like he couldn't be bothered anymore, as people put it, he had me and thought that the effort wasn't needed anymore thus lost me eventually. He refused to invite me around when his family were in as I apparently embarrased him and didn't talk to them (not sure how I could talk to them if I wasn't invited round), then I went out for a meal with his family, I spoke loads and I finally thought things were looking up, 3 weeks later I still hadn't seen him and he dumped me via text. I then found out he had chatted up my sister, a close friend amongst other things. What I'm saying is, with long distance you can't be sure what they're doing behind your back (I don't mean that in a bad way as I'm speaking from experience), I was non the wiser what was happening and also they think the effort isn't needed anymore when it is. I've droned on a bit.

The summary is, the effort is always needed whether it be online, long distance or a real relationship. Sometimes you can't be sure what's actually happening when your partner wants to spend more time with others. My boyfriend used to text me about 10pm after I prompt him (this would be the first text of the day), he'd say 'brb' and after hours of waiting I'd text him back, he then tells me that he's going to sleep, that continued for ages (where we didn't speak at all really), I wasn't that strong or independent as I hadn't needed to be with him so I felt I couldn't cope. After he broke up with me it broke my heart and I didn't get through it alone, I thought me and him were unofficially back together yet he lied. So I found a new friend, learnt to trust him and confided in him, he asked me out, we're still going amazingly strong after 2 months too; me and my ex never talked about our problems, my current boyfriend and I always do that's what's also needed in a relationship.

It is hard to get over someone Jessy, but having someone to talk to does really help (sometimes, not all). In fact, I believe just posting this could be you confronting it and begin to get over him.

Sorry if I waffled on a bit, I went on a bit too much about my ex but sometimes it's similar .

[Teabags]

it'll take time.
besides, who wants to be tied down? enjoy being single for a while, it's very fun.

[scottish]

find a way to contact him for closure
then you'll realize how pathetic he is
then move on

[Tom]

Everyone always goes through something like this. You're still a teenager, right? You're young. You don't want to be tied down in a relationship (or shouldn't) because you should actually be living your life before you turn into an old fart and have no motivation. Why do you want a relationship to tie you down?

The comforting fact is, loads of people go through this. It's just life and there's no real way of getting over it, you've just got to take charge of the emotion. It'll fade eventually, but right now you've just got to live with the fact that he's dumped you and you're hurt. Move on as fast as you can. You may have loved him but surely you had doubts about whether or not you would last?

There's two main things which could've made him dump you:
1) He was speaking/in a relationship with someone else and eventually felt bad/got scared because of it and chose this other person over you (nothing personal, otherwise he wouldn't have met up with you in the first place).
2) After the first month of the relationship, he didn't find it entertaining - which is what boys want when they're young(ish). If it's not entertaining and it's not making them happy whilst they "live whilst they're young" so to speak, then they're not going to carry it out and will just find some excuse to not keeping it going; whether it be long distance or just the fact he doesn't have time.

You've just got to lift your head high and find faults which he had. Everybody has some, so dig deep for it, then think about it and how much it's hurt you/you didn't like it and you'll get over it. Go out, make new friends and do things which will keep you busy because you're only feeling this because your brain thinks it should be and it's got nothing better to do (because women's minds like to be busy quite a lot, hence being able to multitask quite well).

No idea what I've said here, or if I've said it all but whatever. Enjoy what I've put, proof reading is boring.

[Jssy]

Thanks guys, your words really helped. I get you exactly Samantha, I feel like a few months after he'd got me he felt he didnt need to put effort in anymore either. I'm definitely not going back in to a relationship for a while, gonna have fun with my friends, concentrate on college and start A Levels in September. It is getting easier, but I still think about him. I know he hasn't got a new girlfriend or anything like that because his friends told me so it's a bit weird. Thanks Tom, that helps too & thank you everyone else. Looking back he probably was a bit old for me, but I thought a relationship with someone older would have been easier, the fact that they would have been maturer but I guess not

[Andii]

find a way to contact him for closure
then you'll realize how pathetic he is
then move on

Omg wise words from the man himself lol,

but yea go with his best friend instead rub it in his ugly face lol

[AlexJRiley]

Lets be honest you'll never truly get over someone no matter how much you want to, they'll always have a special place in your heart. But when someone breaks up with you, they lose. They're too ashamed to face the problems before them and patch the cracks. Plus when you move on and get someone else, they lose even more because that's then closure to you on that previous relationship. You've one-upped them and theres nothing they can do about it.

This video will sum it up better than I can;

[peteyt]

Long distance and online relationships are always risky and that's coming from experience.

Years ago I had a kind of online relationship, kind of as it was complicated. Basically I had talked to them on and off for years but hadn't heard from them for ages then suddenly she started coming online more and we started calling each other, her telling me she liked me. However it got complicated as she'd been with someone else as just an apparent one night stand before all of this and apparently had got pregnant but didn't keep it, apparently wishing it had been me lol.

Anyways for months we talked and decided to meet. It wasn't official but it kind of was in a hard way to explain. I got there and was a bit shy as that's the kind of guy i am, more then at the time. As I was staying over night we went for drinks with her friends which ended up with her getting off in front of me with another ex and then finding out she might still actually be with the guy she'd apparently only had a one night stand. Later on she tried to ask me back out months later me knowing she wasn't single.

My point for that is sadly text is just text. It can be hard to see the lies with text because it can be thought out and constructed in a certain way. Speech is right there at the moment and you can see their facial expressions.

I have met up with people since but just as friends as its a lot easier.

Oh and one thing a lot of people fail to think of in these type of relationships. I know someone who was in this kind of relationship and it did kind of work for a while but both wanted to stay put and didn't want to move to the others place.