i can't seem to enjoy life

[JoeyK.]

From what I can tell, you're too afraid of life to actually live it. Get off the computer, stop researching every single thing you come across, and stop spending so much time posting on forums. Enjoy your life while you have it, you only get one chance.

A wise man once said that worry is a payment made in advance for a debt you will probably never owe.

[buttons]

I don't see how you can not believe in mental health when the entire issue is a mental one - you're not having certain thoughts or acting a certain way because of your body, it's your brain. Thought patterns and mood are not as easy to calculate as if you eat something it'll have whatever effect or if you do something this will happen, but thoughts do exist and are to a certain extent traceable. Your views on mental health aren't a separate issue, they are the issue. Your fears and and desires clearly aren't down to a bad diet or bad regime as you work relentlessly to keep those things in balance, so the only reasoning left is that the problems lie in your mind. The lifestyle you lead isn't damaging in itself - plenty of people are "fitness freaks" and extremely happy in how they live their lives - but the fact that it doesn't make you happy makes it problematic.

I know you've said before that people should sort out any mental problems by themselves and you'd think of it as a weakness to do otherwise, but in these cases the way to help yourself is to get someone else to help you.

fml i am so mentally unstable! yeah i agree, my habits aren't unhealthy, the way i go about them is. don't you think there's a way to sort myself out? i would rather do that than talk to someone. i've had therapy before for my bdd and it was fine at the time, i thought i was getting better but it's got worse. she gave me loads of goals to go for but my goals are so irrational that they're bringing me down :/ i don't trust therapists if she can't even help me ;-; or maybe i just don't help myself i dunno

Are you concerned with your weight or general health? Neither will do anything dramatic unless you start going out for fast food very often.

eh my weight doesn't bother me actually, it's just general health. & i don't eat fast food at all. i deprive myself of all sorts of food because it makes me feel good about myself... and literally every food to me is a bad food. i'm tired all the time, i'm sick all the time. i can tell i'm dehydrated and seriously lacking in nutrients. my skin shows it and i have no concentration anymore. nor any motivation. i don't even like anything about myself anymore. i'm probably depressed but i dunno. (that's another thing. i won't take medicines or rely on chemicals/people to make me better. i prefer to prevent rather than to cure. i don't believe in those sorta cures. people take paracetomal and are better within a few hours whereas i won't. if i can't get through a ****** cold then how can i go through life? i don't like relying on stuff...)

A story to think about is that really. It's clearly down to the way your mind is working at the moment, and probably feeds of what you see/read and/or expectations you give yourself to be that perfect person. It's easy to say 'dont be like that' but its another thing to actually do it and I know you can't just do it like that. If you're confident with speaking about it, I suggest actually talking to someone... Not friends as you know their reaction, but parents or a professional, just to gain advice or to let it out... this might free your mental blockage.

you're right. give me facts of anything and i'll believe them. i'm totally gullible and i always need to know the why and how of things. i'm influenced by what i read, i take it too literally. even if it says "there is a chance" or "you may" i'll just take that chance as a definite. i can't explain but i know what i'm saying lol yeah what i really need is to just talk about it. people don't have to understand but at the same time i'm scared to tell people incase they don't care. or just brush it off like most other people do ...

I too like rituals. It's nice if there's some order to the day and I'm always annoyed if something gets in the way but I've learnt not to make that stop me from enjoying life. Sometimes these things happen and if you just turn a blind eye to each offer or distraction that comes your way, the harder it is to break out that routine. I'll be honest that I have noticed a slight obsession with health around here so it must be like even worse irl.

It's rather ironic that you say you like to be in control but in a way, you've actually lost control by letting these things keep you down. I have acne for example (you mentioned skin conditions I don't know if you mean all types such as acne or you mean the more severe ones) but I don't let that get in the way of doing what I want to do.

TL;DR? At the end of the day, you're not enjoying life so the real question is why are you continuing with rituals that leave you unhappy? I agree with FlyingJesus and I'd take his advice tbh

yeah i really don't know. i'm trying so hard to be happy that it actually makes me unhappy. is there even a right way to be happy? i don't know.

So your ritual or whatever has become a sort of ocd and now it's making you unhappy because you can't change the schedule so it's ruining your social life and stuff?

Obvious answer would be get help from a pro

Get a dose of cognative behavioural therapy ennit

not really ;p ugh i hate therapy. tbh i won't take peoples help. i'll take your advice but i won't take help if that makes sense. i don't believe that's going to change soon, i want to be independant. i want to help myself. i don't like to rely on others and i know that's because i think they won't care.

Best advice you're gonna get for this tbh ^

It quite clearly is a mental issue, not that you're a crazy person, but for example i was thinking the exact same thing the other day. I was thinking about self improvement as i do occasionally and was thinking about perfection, realised i had no idea what perfection was and there is no such thing as perfection as it varies from person to person (obviously i could strive to make myself perfect for myself, but i dont think that would give me the same satisfaction ), and so i just left it. Thought about something else. Whilst you have let it take over life and as stephen said, its become a sort of OCD. I'd definitely try and get some sort of help as you'd be amazed what they can do. Helped me certainly

Stay positive!

HOW DO YOU KNOW, what if i am crazy niamh.. i mean i do talk to myself right
stay positive lol my favourite advice! in reality, i have nothing to be positive about. the only thing that motivated me to try harder was my nephew, my mum and my brother but at the end of the day they don't NEED me. people don't need people, they move on... that's just what i've seen. people just move on, there's no guarantee anyone will miss you. see? my thoughts are irrational and negative. i feel worthless, i probably am depressed. i'd feel happier if i was depressed actually cause then i know it's changeable but i don't know if i even want to change.

Stop caring about other people so much... if people are fat, that doesn't make them any less likeable than a skinny person, stop trying to be so much better than those people because in reality you're the only person noticing what you think makes you better

yeah you're right.... i'm the only one that notices. & it's not that i feel better than people, catzsy hit the nail on the head. i'd say i'm sorta jealous i guess, cause i know big people who are happy without tryinga and they just love life. i wish i could too but i feel like i don't deserve to be happy cause i don't try hard enough :S

It actually sounds like a control issue to me. I don't know your circumstances but maybe the 'world' you live in is out-of-control but there is little you can do about it so you 'take' control over things that you can and this is what has happened. As long as you are healthy then it is probably okay but I really would consider the impact you have on other people by 'nagging' them as they have to right to do what they want too. I also think you are very hard on yourself as you are trying really hard to study and make a better life and it will come. Once you become independent and self-sufficient I believe this will calm down unless there is some other underlying issue that needs to be addressed. I don't think it is a case of feeling superior it is a case that your standards are higher and you expect more out of life.

yepppp most definitely. it's a mixture of lack of control and lack of confidence really. there's nothing i can do about my current family situation i just have to deal with it, so when i'm able to do my rituals and stay in control then i feel as though i'm acomplishing something. is as though if i can do this, if i can get through this then i can get over anything. really i try not to nag people, i know they have the right to do what they want but it's just the more they say i have an eating disorder and the more THEY nag at ME to eat the more i'm going to do it to them. it's as though i have to prove something to them when i know i don't. yes my standards are too high yet i feel worthless myself, totally contradictory. my standards are too high for myself too.

Honestly you have problems,

this is why i'm so reluctant to admit i have mental health problems because there's such a huge stigma attached to it. i may have 'problems' but that doesn't necessarily mean anything bad, right?

I know it can be hard to let go of doing these rituals but if they are ruining your life to an extent which makes you really unhappy, don't you think you have to change? I know what it's like to try and quit something you are so used to doing on a daily basis but you need to let go.

I still currently suffer with OCD, although I wouldn't say it was the most extreme of cases. I used to check my whole room before bed, lights, plugs out, ceilings, walls, floor, windows, the bed, pillows.. the lot. Among other things such as checking locks, they're a big problem for me still to this day. I never really got over the checking until I got it through my head, that i just didn't care anymore. It wasn't worth the unhappiness it was bringing me, and I just thought ahh **** it if anything happens to me because I haven't checked I guess it was meant to happen and to be honest I've been much happier since.

I also have a mild form of Trichotillomania, I used to have it really bad as a child, but lets not get into that. My parents scared me off that when I was younger by saying a girl died because they ate hairs or something. The condition still haunts me, but it's no where near as bad, basically no-one would know if they met me. This is the hardest thing to control for me though as I don't even realise I'm doing it, I just do it naturally, it's like i have no control. So if your condition or what ever you have is something like this, I don't think you'll fully ever get over it, but I do think it may get better with time, like mine has.

I'd defiantly go and talk to someone about this though and I don't mean psychiatrists. I mean people you trust and can talk to about these issues, it's really nice to get it off your chest to someone in real life. It sure did to me after years of hiding it. They can often help you with it as well, and give you much needed motivation.

Stay strong and remember, there is always going to be people worse off than yourself out there.

Hope I helped.
Zak

yeah i realize i have to change or i wouldn't have bothered making this thread. i sorta want to change but if i do i'll probably feel guilty. i used to have a little ocd when i was younger, whenever i was scared or nervous i'd perform a routine. it calms me down and i guess i just got in to the habit of it again.
& i have no-one i trust but i may talk to my psychologist teacher later. i sorta slept in again.

From what I can tell, you're too afraid of life to actually live it. Get off the computer, stop researching every single thing you come across, and stop spending so much time posting on forums. Enjoy your life while you have it, you only get one chance.

A wise man once said that worry is a payment made in advance for a debt you will probably never owe.

tbh i think this is what i need. best thing is probably throw my laptop off the wall and burn my books. i want to find a new hobby that'll keep my mind off stuff but it's hard to break habits...

i'll rep in a bit

[Catzsy]

& i have no-one i trust but i may talk to my psychologist teacher later.

This sounds like a good idea. Also there is evidence that people can work through it themselves with support. Some people do not react well to 'therapy'. Knowledge is power and perhaps the more the know why you do this the more empowered you could become to be less reliant upon it. I think everyone to a certain extent relies on rituals just with another label.
This seems like quite a good site to get information and advice from:
http://www.ocduk.org/
Something that has happened has given you this feeling of worthlessness I feel. It's not that you have made yourself so but I feel you are a 'survivor' and will come through this and if you don't get the support in your efforts to get a better education and make a better life for yourself then you will do it 'in spite of them' which is just as good a motivation. Whatever happens try to sort it out in small steps.

[Nemo]

HOW DO YOU KNOW, what if i am crazy niamh.. i mean i do talk to myself right
stay positive lol my favourite advice! in reality, i have nothing to be positive about. the only thing that motivated me to try harder was my nephew, my mum and my brother but at the end of the day they don't NEED me. people don't need people, they move on... that's just what i've seen. people just move on, there's no guarantee anyone will miss you. see? my thoughts are irrational and negative. i feel worthless, i probably am depressed. i'd feel happier if i was depressed actually cause then i know it's changeable but i don't know if i even want to change.

Aha, ikr. i think thats just you being weird than crazy though
Now, that's really not true at all is it? You have intelligence, you have health, you have someone caring for you, you have a home. There are many positives in your life and you're not thinking positive at all, you have a great life although you may not believe it. I know we all have our low times, hell i should i take my own advice sometimes.

And although you probably dont believe it, they probably do need you in some way, especially your mum. My sister's friend killed himself because he was stressed out from too much uni work, his mum has been completely destroyed. She has now focussed a lot of her life to him, setting up charities, thinking about him all the time etc. She has literally just become nothing without him, she needed him. This was i believe 2 years ago, she still hasn't moved on and is still depressed from it. A very sad thing to happen, but shows she really did need him.

Honestly i do think you're depressed, obviously i could be wrong, but you do seem to be showing signs of it. Any negative thoughts are fixable, be it whether you are depressed or not so don't feel like you need to be depressed to get out of how you feel now. I really do think outside help is what you need, even if you hate therapy i'd still give it a go. Sometimes talking to someone who really helps get everything out of you is the nicest thing to do.

[FlyingJesus]

fml i am so mentally unstable! yeah i agree, my habits aren't unhealthy, the way i go about them is. don't you think there's a way to sort myself out? i would rather do that than talk to someone. i've had therapy before for my bdd and it was fine at the time, i thought i was getting better but it's got worse. she gave me loads of goals to go for but my goals are so irrational that they're bringing me down :/ i don't trust therapists if she can't even help me ;-; or maybe i just don't help myself i dunno

I don't know a lot about therapy because my therapist gave up after 1 session and I've gotta wait for the senior psychiatrist to give me appointments (too mental for normal therapy, hooray) but that at least means that not all therapists are going to be the same or try the same exercises and treatments I guess, so I still suggest getting professional help, although obv hxf health section is as pro as it gets. Like I said, the way to help yourself is to let someone else help - you've already started that by posting this thread, but even I'm not a proper doctor

that's another thing. i won't take medicines or rely on chemicals/people to make me better. i prefer to prevent rather than to cure. i don't believe in those sorta cures. people take paracetomal and are better within a few hours whereas i won't. if i can't get through a ****** cold then how can i go through life? i don't like relying on stuff...

I used to do the same because I figured my own immune system ought to be allowed to work rather than drugging myself up to fix a problem, but that's not really practical always and medicines don't for the most part do any damage to your innate body defences

not really ;p ugh i hate therapy. tbh i won't take peoples help. i'll take your advice but i won't take help if that makes sense. i don't believe that's going to change soon, i want to be independant. i want to help myself. i don't like to rely on others and i know that's because i think they won't care.

Being independant isn't doing absolutely everything by yourself, a huge part of independance is taking enough responsibility for yourself to do what you have to in order to make things right, and utilising someone elses specialties isn't being weak or needy, it's being smart and effective. And for the record, I care

stay positive lol my favourite advice!

Yeah lol it ranks up there with "just be yourself!"

this is why i'm so reluctant to admit i have mental health problems because there's such a huge stigma attached to it. i may have 'problems' but that doesn't necessarily mean anything bad, right?

There's never been a better time to accept it tbh, government's just chucked £400m into mental health research and funding with a view to not only give better resources for patients but also campaign for taking away that stigma and educate the general public that mental illness is a real illness like any other - certainly it can be far more fatal than most viruses and ailments so why not? It's not something that you bring upon yourself and the "just get over it" view is exactly like telling trying to cure AIDs by telling sufferers to stop having it

i'll rep in a bit

Better had that's all I posted for ;|

[Stephen]

I hate Psychs

They scare me cos I swear I always get a paedophile

But you still might aswell have ago with it

[Richie]

I'd much rather prefer to be in your mental state of mind even if it does take over your personality. At least you know your healthy and look good. I didn't know you hated me ;l so rude. I wish people in my life where more pushy like you, all my friends are like "just have a beer, eat it its only once" but it all adds up, my family is worse. They put everything off until tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. I most definitely have an eating disorder, people trolling or not who gives a **** its true though, the only time I'm enjoying myself is when I just eat or drink what I want. If I don't I just can't have fun.

There should be allot more support for people with eating disorders, I know this might be a bit extreme but someone who is an alcohol addict goes cold turkey when they enter these support systems. People with eating disorders don't. If someone with an alcohol addiction had to take a sip of vodka a day to survive imagine how much pain they'd go through. Without food one can not live so the support should be better. That's just how I see it.

Jen if your friends are **** weeds about it **** them.. Do what you want to do, if you can't do it alone go see a doctor. It might seem a bit over the top but it'll help. You shouldn't worry about changing your lifestyle, worry about changing your personality to the way it was before. You can still go out with your friends and not eat all the fatty food. Just remember, your in the right your personality just got confused on the way.

My advice:
Continue to eat how you eat, planning is perfect. You don't have to eat to have a personality.

[kuzkasate]

I saw this programme on BBC3 basically about how low fat foods, which you consider healthy, actually affect your mood & personality. I think you should definately watch this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode...Low_Fat_Foods/

[Metric1]

i used to be just like you. i had a set schedule for everything and it usually revolved around meal times and going to the gym and/or swimming. i used to get so annoyed when something would come up and my schedule would get messed up and i had to eat earlier, or i couldn't get to the gym during the time i wanted to go.

i've never been one to nag at other people for what they eat, because i don't really care what other people do with their bodies. i used to eat eggs, chicken, pork, cheese and drink water, milk and g2 all day. if my friends asked me to go out for a pizza or something my excuse was always "i already ate", absolute classic. i tried going to the gym with my friends but they only half assed it and none of them were as hard-core as me so they gave up or stopped going. this made me feel good because i knew i could do something they couldn't and it made me feel superior over them.

ever since i started drinking more often i've stopped caring about what i eat, i still eat a whole lot of chicken and a lot of cheese and i don't drink soda. but if my friends want to go for pizza, i'll have pizza, if i want to have a beer, i'll have one, if i want a smoke, i'll have one. i've noticed my body change because obviously i put on some weight, but i'm a whole lot happier and i still get told i have a nice body if i miss going to the gym.. it's not a big deal

looking back, i can't believe i was the way i was.. if we drank i would drink vodka, mixed with water with a shot of lime juice.. ******* disgusting. you just need to do it, **** up your routine, eat a burger, just enjoy your life the first time may be hard, but once you learn it's ok to **** up you'll see how much fun it can be!

[Niall!]

I'd usually just post a picture of a bargin bucket and leave the thread but since it's you Jen I'll refrain from doing so.

Good on you I say. I'm not the best guy to take advice from, I'm a self centered ******* (some would say Narcissist) but I think you are better than them for eating healthy and looking better than them. I don't judge people on skin - I know I have a small amount of acne and I can't do anything about it no matter what I eat - but fat people make me sick. It's right to feel superior to those who lack self control because you ARE.